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how to deal with other family members that enable
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 112475" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree with Marcie. I don't see getting him a sponsor as enabling him at all. The job is up to him. If he blows it, he'll be fired. He IS 22 and you can't control his life anymore. I doubt a judge will tell you that you can tell him where to live or what to do. in my opinion it sounds like ex-wife is actually trying to help. She may not have helped before, but, hey, I'd take it, especially if son is willing. In the big picture, your son has to chose what to do with his life. You can't control him, his treatment, his lack of treatment, etc. All you can do is detach and let go...legally you have no choice. I have a 23 year old daughter (ya know, the one who did drugs). She's doing well now, but where she lives, her boyfriend choices etc. are on her. I can't imagine telling her what to do--she's an adult and I CAN'T. I realize that you wanted a different life for your son and there seems to be a lot of bad feeling between you and his father, but you can control one person in this world--YOU! There is no other person alive that you can control. I had to learn that (thank you to my great therapist). ONce I realized this, I stopped trying to get other people to do things my way (not easy for me), but I found my own life became far more peaceful. In the end, your son has control over one person--himself. Who he allows to "help" him is his own choice. If he decides to get clean is also his own choice. I personally feel you should leave him where he is. If you plan on trying to change his choices, you're just going to end up disappointed, and he'll probably walk out anyways. As for being surprised he's taking hard drugs, I was surprised when my daughter told me all the drugs she'd taken too. We all want to think "it's just pot." But when they're in the juvy justice system it is usually a lot more than pot. I'm sorry you are going through this. I would practice detachment...and get a therapist to help you, since it's NOT easy!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 112475, member: 1550"] I agree with Marcie. I don't see getting him a sponsor as enabling him at all. The job is up to him. If he blows it, he'll be fired. He IS 22 and you can't control his life anymore. I doubt a judge will tell you that you can tell him where to live or what to do. in my opinion it sounds like ex-wife is actually trying to help. She may not have helped before, but, hey, I'd take it, especially if son is willing. In the big picture, your son has to chose what to do with his life. You can't control him, his treatment, his lack of treatment, etc. All you can do is detach and let go...legally you have no choice. I have a 23 year old daughter (ya know, the one who did drugs). She's doing well now, but where she lives, her boyfriend choices etc. are on her. I can't imagine telling her what to do--she's an adult and I CAN'T. I realize that you wanted a different life for your son and there seems to be a lot of bad feeling between you and his father, but you can control one person in this world--YOU! There is no other person alive that you can control. I had to learn that (thank you to my great therapist). ONce I realized this, I stopped trying to get other people to do things my way (not easy for me), but I found my own life became far more peaceful. In the end, your son has control over one person--himself. Who he allows to "help" him is his own choice. If he decides to get clean is also his own choice. I personally feel you should leave him where he is. If you plan on trying to change his choices, you're just going to end up disappointed, and he'll probably walk out anyways. As for being surprised he's taking hard drugs, I was surprised when my daughter told me all the drugs she'd taken too. We all want to think "it's just pot." But when they're in the juvy justice system it is usually a lot more than pot. I'm sorry you are going through this. I would practice detachment...and get a therapist to help you, since it's NOT easy! [/QUOTE]
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