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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 112476" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I am mostly detached - my son is 17. </p><p></p><p>I can understand HOW a father and his wife butting in after you have laid all the ground work would peeve you off. Little to no involvement in your son's life and then BINGO - they have all the magic answers. You get no glory, they get accolades for helping him out. You know the truth - so does everyone else. What would be wrong with calling this woman and asking her? </p><p></p><p>If you remove the labels from all of this - Mom, Dad, EX's wife, Son and looked at it like you were a young mans caseworker - with not a lot of emotional involvement - how would the situation be then? </p><p></p><p>You have a 22 year old young man, he's a father, he has no skills, no high school diploma, he's a hard drug user, he isn't supporting himself or his child. (right ?) </p><p></p><p>In a few days he's going to get out of rehab - (right?) </p><p></p><p>What are his options for returning to society? </p><p></p><p>1.) He goes to live with his mother and step dad and....</p><p> (you have to tell me what you've got lined up for him) </p><p>2.) He goes to live with person A, has a sponsor, has a job lined up, is close to his child, is surrounded by strangers who are straight and sober? </p><p></p><p>If you can make the arrangement work without stress to you - I'd let him go. I say this because I've had to do the same thing (sans the drugs) and no - I don't like where he's at. Yes I think he would be better off living with someone like me who knew him, and could help him - but THAT wouldn't be helping myself as i know we can only get along for a short time. </p><p></p><p>Unless there is something REALLY WRONG with going to </p><p>a place to live, a job, a support system, </p><p></p><p>I'd say let him go - and worry about your 8 year old, yourself and husband. If you are prepared for what is going to come with him - and you think it's better for him to live with you - and you have in line a job, a support system - then tell him, but the final decision unless he's totally incapable of knowing what's best for him - should be his. </p><p></p><p>It stinks - I know. Detaching is worse than living with it some days for me. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurt - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 112476, member: 4964"] I am mostly detached - my son is 17. I can understand HOW a father and his wife butting in after you have laid all the ground work would peeve you off. Little to no involvement in your son's life and then BINGO - they have all the magic answers. You get no glory, they get accolades for helping him out. You know the truth - so does everyone else. What would be wrong with calling this woman and asking her? If you remove the labels from all of this - Mom, Dad, EX's wife, Son and looked at it like you were a young mans caseworker - with not a lot of emotional involvement - how would the situation be then? You have a 22 year old young man, he's a father, he has no skills, no high school diploma, he's a hard drug user, he isn't supporting himself or his child. (right ?) In a few days he's going to get out of rehab - (right?) What are his options for returning to society? 1.) He goes to live with his mother and step dad and.... (you have to tell me what you've got lined up for him) 2.) He goes to live with person A, has a sponsor, has a job lined up, is close to his child, is surrounded by strangers who are straight and sober? If you can make the arrangement work without stress to you - I'd let him go. I say this because I've had to do the same thing (sans the drugs) and no - I don't like where he's at. Yes I think he would be better off living with someone like me who knew him, and could help him - but THAT wouldn't be helping myself as i know we can only get along for a short time. Unless there is something REALLY WRONG with going to a place to live, a job, a support system, I'd say let him go - and worry about your 8 year old, yourself and husband. If you are prepared for what is going to come with him - and you think it's better for him to live with you - and you have in line a job, a support system - then tell him, but the final decision unless he's totally incapable of knowing what's best for him - should be his. It stinks - I know. Detaching is worse than living with it some days for me. Hugs for your hurt - Star [/QUOTE]
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