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how to deal with other family members that enable
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<blockquote data-quote="saving grace" data-source="post: 112569" data-attributes="member: 1538"><p>I agree.. I do not think that this would fall under the traditional enabling catagory. </p><p>"You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink it"</p><p>She can offer up these "tools" its what he does with them that will make the difference. </p><p>These kids, addicts if you will are very immature, I have been told that they actually stop developing mentally and emotionally at the time they started using drugs, so If I am correct your son is at a 16 year old maturity level.. </p><p>When they are in rehab the only thing they think of is recovery when they get out they are trying to think of how to stay clean, </p><p>The wife of his dad is actually doing a good thing in a way and I say that tongue in cheek, "in a way" IF her intentions are good and she wants to help him by surrounding him with people that can help him like the brother that is in recovery and has the meetings and giving him a place to stay that is close to those meetings, that is a good thing, IF she is doing it to be the hero and she is trying to control his recovery then it is not such a good thing. ONLY HE will be the one to know which path he will take and what he needs when he leaves. </p><p></p><p>Jmama, please step back and let your son own his own addiction and recovery. This is his and his alone. You are trying way to hard to anticipate what he will do. It does not matter what you think he should do or what you think is best for him. HE will do what he wants no matter what. </p><p></p><p>Please for your own sanity let him call the shots here. He is 22 and a father and a man. If someone wanted to help my son and give him a place to stay and that meant he was safe and warm and with people that loved him and not in my house in my everyday life I would rejoyce from the rooftop. Unfortunately I am not that lucky. </p><p></p><p>Grace</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="saving grace, post: 112569, member: 1538"] I agree.. I do not think that this would fall under the traditional enabling catagory. "You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink it" She can offer up these "tools" its what he does with them that will make the difference. These kids, addicts if you will are very immature, I have been told that they actually stop developing mentally and emotionally at the time they started using drugs, so If I am correct your son is at a 16 year old maturity level.. When they are in rehab the only thing they think of is recovery when they get out they are trying to think of how to stay clean, The wife of his dad is actually doing a good thing in a way and I say that tongue in cheek, "in a way" IF her intentions are good and she wants to help him by surrounding him with people that can help him like the brother that is in recovery and has the meetings and giving him a place to stay that is close to those meetings, that is a good thing, IF she is doing it to be the hero and she is trying to control his recovery then it is not such a good thing. ONLY HE will be the one to know which path he will take and what he needs when he leaves. Jmama, please step back and let your son own his own addiction and recovery. This is his and his alone. You are trying way to hard to anticipate what he will do. It does not matter what you think he should do or what you think is best for him. HE will do what he wants no matter what. Please for your own sanity let him call the shots here. He is 22 and a father and a man. If someone wanted to help my son and give him a place to stay and that meant he was safe and warm and with people that loved him and not in my house in my everyday life I would rejoyce from the rooftop. Unfortunately I am not that lucky. Grace [/QUOTE]
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