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<blockquote data-quote="jmama45" data-source="post: 112585" data-attributes="member: 4450"><p>I understand what you are all saying. I guess trying to write a 23 year history is too hard. I cant explain how the past has been the same. You cant tell me any of you would forget the mother who has been there for her son, and go around her and make all these plans for her son. If they truly cared about difficult child, they would call me and work with me, not behind my back. The wife has always done this, jumps in and thinks she has all the answers. Where is his father in this? If he cared so much, he would be calling me!! Him going there would put him back to where this all started. How is that a good thing? His father was arrest for domestic abuse of the wife last year, he cheated and now they live in the same place in different rooms, they are not a couple, they fight and it is chaous there ... how is this a positive place for him to be? There isn't even an extra room for him there. They have all the answers, they just don't have the questions!</p><p></p><p>We here can support him in everyway, in a healthy home. We are living proof of our responsible lives. We are role models. We have plenty of resources, smarts and finances to help. There is no doubt we could help him, if he was committed to changing. But I will not take that on without a full committment from him. They will. They just want to be the heros.</p><p></p><p>The control you all hear, from me, is the fact that I know my child, and I know if he goes there, he will end up back on drugs or in jail. It is the control of a mother who is afraid for their child, nothing more. He is calling me and I know where his head is at and just like before, I can tell he isn't mature enough to know what steps to take, he is over his head.</p><p></p><p>His father lives right in his old enivornment, he will be trying to recover in the place where drugs and friends are right there. They tell you to change all that.</p><p></p><p>Everyone is telling me how difficult child should be making his own decisions, so why should someone set him up with a sponser, job and such, shouldn't he be getting one these on his own? Sure give him the phone number, let him choose to call it. But that is not what is happening here. I have seen this happen before, I stepped back and look at where he is now. The man needs to be taught to make his way, not have it given to him. </p><p></p><p>On my other post, everyone here told me not to approach where he is going to live with him, not to offer him to come here, not to give him an easy out. But you all think it is ok for them to offer and give him everything??? I am confused at why that seems ok? I am sitting back like you all advised, let him ask. Am I not explaining this right?</p><p></p><p>Yes I am VERY angry right now. I dont mean to take it out in my post. I just am trying to do the right thing FOR my son, and it feels like no one is understanding that is what I want most of all, to do what is right by him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jmama45, post: 112585, member: 4450"] I understand what you are all saying. I guess trying to write a 23 year history is too hard. I cant explain how the past has been the same. You cant tell me any of you would forget the mother who has been there for her son, and go around her and make all these plans for her son. If they truly cared about difficult child, they would call me and work with me, not behind my back. The wife has always done this, jumps in and thinks she has all the answers. Where is his father in this? If he cared so much, he would be calling me!! Him going there would put him back to where this all started. How is that a good thing? His father was arrest for domestic abuse of the wife last year, he cheated and now they live in the same place in different rooms, they are not a couple, they fight and it is chaous there ... how is this a positive place for him to be? There isn't even an extra room for him there. They have all the answers, they just don't have the questions! We here can support him in everyway, in a healthy home. We are living proof of our responsible lives. We are role models. We have plenty of resources, smarts and finances to help. There is no doubt we could help him, if he was committed to changing. But I will not take that on without a full committment from him. They will. They just want to be the heros. The control you all hear, from me, is the fact that I know my child, and I know if he goes there, he will end up back on drugs or in jail. It is the control of a mother who is afraid for their child, nothing more. He is calling me and I know where his head is at and just like before, I can tell he isn't mature enough to know what steps to take, he is over his head. His father lives right in his old enivornment, he will be trying to recover in the place where drugs and friends are right there. They tell you to change all that. Everyone is telling me how difficult child should be making his own decisions, so why should someone set him up with a sponser, job and such, shouldn't he be getting one these on his own? Sure give him the phone number, let him choose to call it. But that is not what is happening here. I have seen this happen before, I stepped back and look at where he is now. The man needs to be taught to make his way, not have it given to him. On my other post, everyone here told me not to approach where he is going to live with him, not to offer him to come here, not to give him an easy out. But you all think it is ok for them to offer and give him everything??? I am confused at why that seems ok? I am sitting back like you all advised, let him ask. Am I not explaining this right? Yes I am VERY angry right now. I dont mean to take it out in my post. I just am trying to do the right thing FOR my son, and it feels like no one is understanding that is what I want most of all, to do what is right by him. [/QUOTE]
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