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how to deal with other family members that enable
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<blockquote data-quote="saving grace" data-source="post: 112601" data-attributes="member: 1538"><p>I think what we are trying to say is that the actions she is taking is not considered enabling. </p><p></p><p>You say you know your son but you also say he has been out of the house for 5 years with minimal contact you yourself said you didnt know of his current drug use until recently.</p><p></p><p>You are right, being in an unstable environment will not help him. Being around drug users will not help him BUT from experience I will tell you that it does not matter where he lives it does not matter how stable your home is. If he decides to use he will use it doesnt matter where he lives. I know you want what you think is best for him but what we are trying to share with you because we have all been there is that it is up to him. You can give him all the means of sobriety but if he doesnt want to be sober he wont be. </p><p></p><p>I agree that they should work with you not against you. And you want whats best for him. and like I said earlier, they (the addicts) do not know how to lay out the plan. I have my son in an adolescent program and he is 21, it works better for him. He needs my input and help and it works for us. It did not work for him on his own. BUt he came to me and when he was ready for my help that is when I helped him and it worked, all the other times it was a waste of time, he didnt want my help.</p><p></p><p>when you speak with him, tell him you love him and will support whatever he decides. You can tell him that you hope he gives it alot of thought and makes the right choices for him. Tell him that you are there for him. If he asks for help then offer your home to him. If he asks you for your opinion on what he should do, then tell him. but he HAS to make the choice himself it will not work any other way. I can promise you that.</p><p></p><p>Sorry if we are hard on you, but as you will see we tell it like it is, sometimes we need to see ALL sides of a situation to get hte best look at it. We also sometimes dont see the whole picture either, it is very hard to describe your feelings in a post, Please dont feel like we are not supporting you. we are, we are trying to. </p><p></p><p>grace</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="saving grace, post: 112601, member: 1538"] I think what we are trying to say is that the actions she is taking is not considered enabling. You say you know your son but you also say he has been out of the house for 5 years with minimal contact you yourself said you didnt know of his current drug use until recently. You are right, being in an unstable environment will not help him. Being around drug users will not help him BUT from experience I will tell you that it does not matter where he lives it does not matter how stable your home is. If he decides to use he will use it doesnt matter where he lives. I know you want what you think is best for him but what we are trying to share with you because we have all been there is that it is up to him. You can give him all the means of sobriety but if he doesnt want to be sober he wont be. I agree that they should work with you not against you. And you want whats best for him. and like I said earlier, they (the addicts) do not know how to lay out the plan. I have my son in an adolescent program and he is 21, it works better for him. He needs my input and help and it works for us. It did not work for him on his own. BUt he came to me and when he was ready for my help that is when I helped him and it worked, all the other times it was a waste of time, he didnt want my help. when you speak with him, tell him you love him and will support whatever he decides. You can tell him that you hope he gives it alot of thought and makes the right choices for him. Tell him that you are there for him. If he asks for help then offer your home to him. If he asks you for your opinion on what he should do, then tell him. but he HAS to make the choice himself it will not work any other way. I can promise you that. Sorry if we are hard on you, but as you will see we tell it like it is, sometimes we need to see ALL sides of a situation to get hte best look at it. We also sometimes dont see the whole picture either, it is very hard to describe your feelings in a post, Please dont feel like we are not supporting you. we are, we are trying to. grace [/QUOTE]
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