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how to deal with other family members that enable
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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 112694" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p>You know, I had to think about this for awhile. And I have to respectfully disagree with the majority here.</p><p></p><p>What jmama's DEX's girlfriend is offering to do most certainly is enabling. I don't see how this can be seen as anything but. It is enabling and controlling, and it seems to be (although this part has nothing to do with the boy) quite a dig at jmama. </p><p></p><p>However, that having been said, Jmama, there is really nothing you can do about it. If they offer him the place and he accepts, you really need to back off and "sit on your lips" as we say. If he does not accept, or if he asks for your opinion, then offer it. </p><p></p><p>He may very well have a better chance in the environment at your place than at your DEX's. It is not your choice to make. He may have to learn by trial and error rather than by you telling him. Also if he is not completely stable when he gets out, you may not want him around your other child. </p><p></p><p>Your place and DEX's place are not the only 2 choices in the world. There are halfway houses, soberhouses, long term treatment centers, he has a lot of options out there. HE (not you) needs to choose which one is best for him. </p><p></p><p>One last thing. I know you have a long history with DEX and the G/F. You don't know for a fact that things will be the same this time. Your son is older and has a child now. Even if his father is still a moron, he may suprise you.</p><p></p><p>Pray for God's will. He calls the shots anyway.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 112694, member: 3647"] You know, I had to think about this for awhile. And I have to respectfully disagree with the majority here. What jmama's DEX's girlfriend is offering to do most certainly is enabling. I don't see how this can be seen as anything but. It is enabling and controlling, and it seems to be (although this part has nothing to do with the boy) quite a dig at jmama. However, that having been said, Jmama, there is really nothing you can do about it. If they offer him the place and he accepts, you really need to back off and "sit on your lips" as we say. If he does not accept, or if he asks for your opinion, then offer it. He may very well have a better chance in the environment at your place than at your DEX's. It is not your choice to make. He may have to learn by trial and error rather than by you telling him. Also if he is not completely stable when he gets out, you may not want him around your other child. Your place and DEX's place are not the only 2 choices in the world. There are halfway houses, soberhouses, long term treatment centers, he has a lot of options out there. HE (not you) needs to choose which one is best for him. One last thing. I know you have a long history with DEX and the G/F. You don't know for a fact that things will be the same this time. Your son is older and has a child now. Even if his father is still a moron, he may suprise you. Pray for God's will. He calls the shots anyway. [/QUOTE]
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