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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 112737" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The bottom line, and I've been there, is no matter what you think or even know you have no control over the situation. This doesn't mean you can't help with the baby. You can do that without getting involved in your son's choices because they are two seperate people. You are not going to make him be a successful, productive member of society (your son) unless he wants to be and is willing to work very hard at it. I think "let go and let God" works here--if you're not religious, give it to something else that is bigger than you are. Focus on the grandchild. The harder you try to micromanage the life of your grown child who is a drug addict the more frustrated you'll get. As you've found out, he didn't tell you the truth about his life. My daughter didn't tell us the truth about her life either UNTIL she was off the drugs. Her motto is "Never trust a drug addict."</p><p>I agree that there are drug friends to be found everywhere. The only time it helps to remove our adult kids from their friends is if they are committed to going straight and finding different friends and it's HARD. My daughter got involved in drugs because she was lonely and the drug crowd is very tight. Now she doesn't have many friends--it's a tradeoff she was willing to make, but often she feels lonely. There is no place without trouble. Your son would find it in your neighborhood if he isn't ready to walk the straight line. And even if he lived with you, you wouldn't know about his life.</p><p>I think you should give yourself a break, learn detachment and try to help with the baby. The girlfriend doesn't sound too stable--you can't really help HER either, but at least you can keep an eye on your grandchild.</p><p>There is only one plan that will work for your son: He has to decide, with total certainty, "I WANT TO STOP THIS!" Until he does, you can't help, his father can't help, his wife can't help. But I still don't think your ex's wife is going to hurt him. She just won't be successful unless he himself chooses to listen to his sponsor. It has to come from deep within. He's had this destructive lifestyle for a long time and it's hard to give up. I wish you both the best--and that precious grandchild.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 112737, member: 1550"] The bottom line, and I've been there, is no matter what you think or even know you have no control over the situation. This doesn't mean you can't help with the baby. You can do that without getting involved in your son's choices because they are two seperate people. You are not going to make him be a successful, productive member of society (your son) unless he wants to be and is willing to work very hard at it. I think "let go and let God" works here--if you're not religious, give it to something else that is bigger than you are. Focus on the grandchild. The harder you try to micromanage the life of your grown child who is a drug addict the more frustrated you'll get. As you've found out, he didn't tell you the truth about his life. My daughter didn't tell us the truth about her life either UNTIL she was off the drugs. Her motto is "Never trust a drug addict." I agree that there are drug friends to be found everywhere. The only time it helps to remove our adult kids from their friends is if they are committed to going straight and finding different friends and it's HARD. My daughter got involved in drugs because she was lonely and the drug crowd is very tight. Now she doesn't have many friends--it's a tradeoff she was willing to make, but often she feels lonely. There is no place without trouble. Your son would find it in your neighborhood if he isn't ready to walk the straight line. And even if he lived with you, you wouldn't know about his life. I think you should give yourself a break, learn detachment and try to help with the baby. The girlfriend doesn't sound too stable--you can't really help HER either, but at least you can keep an eye on your grandchild. There is only one plan that will work for your son: He has to decide, with total certainty, "I WANT TO STOP THIS!" Until he does, you can't help, his father can't help, his wife can't help. But I still don't think your ex's wife is going to hurt him. She just won't be successful unless he himself chooses to listen to his sponsor. It has to come from deep within. He's had this destructive lifestyle for a long time and it's hard to give up. I wish you both the best--and that precious grandchild. [/QUOTE]
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