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How to help suicidal son who's 2 states away
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 635160" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>WF...is he psychotic or out of touch with reality? If so, he really has my heartfelt sympathy because often people with those symptoms don't even realize they need help. They are often paranoid and think everyone is out to get them or to poison them...and we have no safety nets in the US to help. Unless he is an immediate threat to himself or others, he has "civil rights" and can not be detained. I find this nutty, but...hey, we have no control over the laws.</p><p></p><p>WF, if your son is depressed or has bipolar, he CAN get help. He KNOWS he is sick and there is so much help out there for him. Often people with mood disorders substance abuse, which only makes it worse. I have lived my entire life with a mood disorder which was quite severe and if I didn't choose to take very good care of myself, accept help, take my medications religiously, and go to therapy and do self-help to continue remembering how to cope, I could be your son. There are tons of bipolar and depressed adults working, in college, functioning. It is largely a matter of how willing they are to accept help and to listen to doctor's instructions and to communicate well and often with the doctors. Sometimes medications don't work and they need to be changed, for example. Some people just throw them out and give up all medication. You can't do that. You have to tell your doctor and keep trying. It isn't always easy, but it can be done. You have to commit to your recovery. But you can do it. It's not easy, but it is gratifying and you learn so much along the way. Truly, recovering from mental illness is very thought-provoking and enlightening and can bring one to a point of wisdom that others may not experience.</p><p></p><p>But just like substance abuse, nobody can help anyone with mental illness unless the person is ready to be helped, listen, do what the professionals say, and work hard on their own too. Even schizophrenics can often be put into remission if they are compliant with treatment. The problem there is, if medications stop working, they stop being able to tell fantasy from reality...but other than schizophrenia, you may be in mental turmoil, but you are not psychotic. I guess bipolar mania causes psychosis too, but it is not all the time. Depression very rarely causes deep psychosis. It is very treatable. Unfortunately, I have sat in self-help groups with many people suffering years of depression who just refuse to take medication and "hate psychiatrists and therapists." Or they had a bad experience and that was it.</p><p></p><p>I guess I don't want you to think it is hopeless if his overriding problem is mental illness. If it is mental illness plus substance abuse, well, that's harder, but anything can be overcome.</p><p></p><p>The overriding issue is if the person wants to be helped and is willing to do the hard work to get better.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion, your mother, who may be elderly, probably doesn't need to know how sick her grandson is. She can't help and it upsets her and you when she gets nervous. Maybe...try a little backing off from the news with her? It doesn't help when two people feed off of one another. It just makes everything harder. Better to find a more positive support system such as the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, known as NAMI. They help people deal with mentally ill loved ones.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes drug use simulates mental illness. My daughter was once a drug addict with a diagnosis. of co-morbid bipolar. Well, she has been clean for ten years now and clearly has no mental illness at all. It was all the drugs. We thought she was only smoking pot. Wrong!!!! We don't know what our kids take, unfortunately, and they are very sneaky. For a long time, I thought my daughter had quit too and she hadn't. And she was using meth and cocaine and also snorting speed (ADHD medications laced with cocaine). She even tried heroin. And all during that time she managed to act pretty normal during the day, which makes sense since she used mostly at night after we went to sleep. She even worked and went to Cosmetology School. She fooled us to the point that we got a call from school telling us that the administration was worried about her because a few kids came to them to say she used cocaine. She wasn't acting weird to us and vehemently denied using anything and saying the kids just didn't like her and were out to get her expelled. We bought it. Now that she has quit...guess what? She told us it was true.</p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself. You can control yourself. You very, very sadly can not control your adult child, whether he is mentally ill or a drug abuser or both. It is what it is and I hate our laws about mental illness, but we have to live with what we have. And we need to go on with our own lives, especially for our other children and loved ones and, yes, for ourselves as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 635160, member: 1550"] WF...is he psychotic or out of touch with reality? If so, he really has my heartfelt sympathy because often people with those symptoms don't even realize they need help. They are often paranoid and think everyone is out to get them or to poison them...and we have no safety nets in the US to help. Unless he is an immediate threat to himself or others, he has "civil rights" and can not be detained. I find this nutty, but...hey, we have no control over the laws. WF, if your son is depressed or has bipolar, he CAN get help. He KNOWS he is sick and there is so much help out there for him. Often people with mood disorders substance abuse, which only makes it worse. I have lived my entire life with a mood disorder which was quite severe and if I didn't choose to take very good care of myself, accept help, take my medications religiously, and go to therapy and do self-help to continue remembering how to cope, I could be your son. There are tons of bipolar and depressed adults working, in college, functioning. It is largely a matter of how willing they are to accept help and to listen to doctor's instructions and to communicate well and often with the doctors. Sometimes medications don't work and they need to be changed, for example. Some people just throw them out and give up all medication. You can't do that. You have to tell your doctor and keep trying. It isn't always easy, but it can be done. You have to commit to your recovery. But you can do it. It's not easy, but it is gratifying and you learn so much along the way. Truly, recovering from mental illness is very thought-provoking and enlightening and can bring one to a point of wisdom that others may not experience. But just like substance abuse, nobody can help anyone with mental illness unless the person is ready to be helped, listen, do what the professionals say, and work hard on their own too. Even schizophrenics can often be put into remission if they are compliant with treatment. The problem there is, if medications stop working, they stop being able to tell fantasy from reality...but other than schizophrenia, you may be in mental turmoil, but you are not psychotic. I guess bipolar mania causes psychosis too, but it is not all the time. Depression very rarely causes deep psychosis. It is very treatable. Unfortunately, I have sat in self-help groups with many people suffering years of depression who just refuse to take medication and "hate psychiatrists and therapists." Or they had a bad experience and that was it. I guess I don't want you to think it is hopeless if his overriding problem is mental illness. If it is mental illness plus substance abuse, well, that's harder, but anything can be overcome. The overriding issue is if the person wants to be helped and is willing to do the hard work to get better. in my opinion, your mother, who may be elderly, probably doesn't need to know how sick her grandson is. She can't help and it upsets her and you when she gets nervous. Maybe...try a little backing off from the news with her? It doesn't help when two people feed off of one another. It just makes everything harder. Better to find a more positive support system such as the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, known as NAMI. They help people deal with mentally ill loved ones. Sometimes drug use simulates mental illness. My daughter was once a drug addict with a diagnosis. of co-morbid bipolar. Well, she has been clean for ten years now and clearly has no mental illness at all. It was all the drugs. We thought she was only smoking pot. Wrong!!!! We don't know what our kids take, unfortunately, and they are very sneaky. For a long time, I thought my daughter had quit too and she hadn't. And she was using meth and cocaine and also snorting speed (ADHD medications laced with cocaine). She even tried heroin. And all during that time she managed to act pretty normal during the day, which makes sense since she used mostly at night after we went to sleep. She even worked and went to Cosmetology School. She fooled us to the point that we got a call from school telling us that the administration was worried about her because a few kids came to them to say she used cocaine. She wasn't acting weird to us and vehemently denied using anything and saying the kids just didn't like her and were out to get her expelled. We bought it. Now that she has quit...guess what? She told us it was true. Take care of yourself. You can control yourself. You very, very sadly can not control your adult child, whether he is mentally ill or a drug abuser or both. It is what it is and I hate our laws about mental illness, but we have to live with what we have. And we need to go on with our own lives, especially for our other children and loved ones and, yes, for ourselves as well. [/QUOTE]
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