How would you handle this?

[buddy]

Knowing his level of tiredness, etc I would definitely have helped him pick them up. I am sure that when he is feeling well and "in a good place" he might have picked them up without being asked or at least done so with a prompt. I think we forget that if an adult friend had dropped the cards or even if J had a friend over we would immediately help that person to pick up the cards because it is considerate and polite, but now we are holding our kids to a different standard by insisting they do it on their own.

That is interesting to me, I just mentioned this after our IEP meeting today to our Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) psychiatric. They have mentioned in 3 separate meetings now that during the first time difficult child was with his new peer social buddy, he did say one inappropriate thing...What if everybody came to school naked? Ok, that was really immature but it was not his blurting/aggressive stuff. And I have been around that age for a long time, they say some really inappropriate things. Way worse than that. I think we get so worried about behaviors escalating sometimes that we cut them off even before they can get a chance to do so themselves. Anyway that is what I catch myself doing. Sometimes for the good, but other times he needs to be able to say and do stupid kid tricks like all the other kids.

 

[Malika]

Well, it's all learning on the job... Of course if I had thought about it at the time, I would have realised J's tiredness and helped him. But I was just reacting out of habit, as we do - the habit that he picks up what he has dropped. Next time I will be more aware of how significant his tiredness is.
That's a very fair point, Marguerite, about the avoidance mechanism. Saw it operating with J this morning, actually - SO much energy goes into avoiding something he does not want to do. And then I have my own points of rigidity and fixity - this morning we had a battle about hats, as a good example. It has suddenly turned freezing cold here and I wanted him to wear a hat. So brought down his selection of four or five winter hats and asked him to choose, thinking he would be happy to make the choice... wrong! Big shouting and crying protest about wearing a hat at all. So I said okay you can wear your jacket with the hood or a hat, and he chose, very reluctantly, the jacket with hood - though he refused (Custer's last stand) to put the arms of the jacket on. Such a silly thing and I am almost as attached to him wearing a hat in the freezing cold as he is to not wearing one. Philosophically I told myself I should just let him suffer the consequences of a cold head and ears, but as a mum I want him to be warm and not get sick...
Anyone who says it's easy? Send them out into the snow with no hat on!

 

[BusynMember]

Malika, just a thought here. Ok, maybe two

Sonic does not feel the hot and cold the same way other kids do. He honestly doesn't...lol. Even as a wee little one, he would want to go outside in the Chicago winter without a coat (no, I'm not kidding). He did not feel cold. He still doesn't feel cold the way others do. He's a teen now and I can't tell him what to wear to school (haha...you'll LOVE what they come up with as a teen!). Usually in the bitter cold, he chooses to wear a thin jacket. Now that he's older, if I suggest he try putting on a hat and gloves, he will, but usually comes home with them in his backpack saying, "Naw, I was hot."

by the way, some kids plain outgrow wild behavior. Sonic used to hang from the chandeliers and throw tantrums. Now that he is eighteen, he is almost too sedate (have to make him get exercise) and he is very even-tempered. Whoda thunkit???? His mind is still busy, so he says, but he can keep his body quiet.

 

[KTMom91]

Miss KT was a great one for refusing the hat/gloves and leaving the coat in random places so she didn't have to wear one. Eventually (I think it was junior high) she figured out what cold felt like. And now? I call her the Frosted Mini-Wheat Girl because she wears eight layers.

I am rarely cold. In fact, I don't own a coat, just a zippered hoodie. It could just be that J's thermostat is set higher than normal. Maybe you could have him wear the coat "in case it gets colder later," and take along the hat "just in case you decide you need it."

 

[Fran]

Malika, it was so hard for my difficult child to hold things together through the day(sometimes he didn't) that he came home to the safe place and melted down over anything. If I asked if he wanted something to drink was enough to set him off. My easy child was like this in a different way. He was "the perfect student" and so controlled that he came home and fell apart for about 40min every day. I was speechless as he was a pretty easy child compared to difficult child. He was under 5 but I find that being in a structured environment often leads to meltdown just to get out all the pent up emotions.
I allowed some down time and just survived during the meltdown. Obviously, if our kids aren't up to the suggestions that you may want to find an alternate activity for him.
Some free exercise to get some of that frustration out may work. Like a trampoline or jump rope or some other physical activity. Be cautious because with my difficult child the more tired he was the more hyper he got. It was a nightmare for years. Even as an adult if he doesn't get enough sleep he can become a little on the hyper side.

 

[DammitJanet]

I think most of us attempted but then gave up on hats. I have tried and tried to get mittens or gloves on my oldest granddaughter and she will throw a fit and she isnt a fit thrower normally. Oh well... I guess if her hands get cold, she will figure it out. I imagine this winter in MO, she might learn to like gloves.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Janet -

Hats and mitts... is a major problem HERE for lots of kids...

Just how cold is it HERE? well...-40 is not usual and that is before windchill.

We're talking not just comfort level... we're talking life-and-death, and its an issue.

 

[HaoZi]

I'm surprised I haven't seen "52 Pick Up" mentioned. It's a good game for multiple players as well as solo.

 

[DammitJanet]

IC...Im pretty sure kids in Canada arent arguing about wearing winter clothes because they are most likely cold. Or at least the first time they went out for a few minutes and they got cold, they would be asking for the item pretty darned fast.

However, I am going to just allow that you are correct for Canada. We have had this discussion many times on this board before about clothing and whether or not to fight this particular battle as a basket A issues. Most parents here dont chose to do so. For some, like you, I can see it being one.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Or at least the first time they went out for a few minutes and they got cold, they would be asking for the item pretty darned fast.

Janet... The crazy part is, the kids - the typical teen kids, not just difficult children - do NOT get it. They are invincible. It isn't "cool". It IS a touchy situation.

All the definitions of "cool" come from US entertainment industry - and there isn't much of that, that works in Alaska either!

Like everybody else - we have to pick our battles, and safety isn't optional. So... we took part of the battle out of it.

We sat the kids down and defined the expectations for "weather safety". HOW they meet that, is up to them. If a parka isn't "cool", three layers of fleece and a windbreaker is close. Pockets work for hands, in an emergency. Hood, hat, or oversize scarf for head. In whatever color or style they want (that we can afford).