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Huge Families..The Duggars and The Bates...how do they do it?
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 547586" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>I've been trying to find the right words, because reactions to this situation have a certain bias.</p><p></p><p>On one hand... really, is it a problem for the girls to not wear pants? not have access to all sorts of technology? </p><p>Lots of cultures, all over the world, don't believe in early dating, nor in uncontrolled relationships. Lots of cultures proscribe all sorts of behaviours including dress. Western-style dating doesn't necessarily produce stable relationships. There are many variations... some more inherently fair than others. Personally, I still find a fully-arranged marriage tough to swallow; I do believe the individuals need to be involved in the process. I know some very strict sects in our parts where there is NO dating, but it's a fairly tight-knit community, and they all know each other from group functions. And even in that environment, the young woman has the right to turn down any suitor, even if her parents approve. We need to be careful not to judge others by what we perceive to be a "common" standard, because it may not be as common as we think.</p><p></p><p>But. The parenting style IS a problem. The enforced submission training means that these kids either "follow the plan" or they rebel. But if they rebel, they do not have the skills they need to survive in the "real" world, and often end up in abusive relationships. The lack of normal parental bond is an issue. I've been around large families, too - some are because of culture, some are a matter of religion, some just want a big family. And yes, the older ones help out, but... parenting isn't handed off. The parents are "the" parents, and do their best to develop a strong personal bond with every kid.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 547586, member: 11791"] I've been trying to find the right words, because reactions to this situation have a certain bias. On one hand... really, is it a problem for the girls to not wear pants? not have access to all sorts of technology? Lots of cultures, all over the world, don't believe in early dating, nor in uncontrolled relationships. Lots of cultures proscribe all sorts of behaviours including dress. Western-style dating doesn't necessarily produce stable relationships. There are many variations... some more inherently fair than others. Personally, I still find a fully-arranged marriage tough to swallow; I do believe the individuals need to be involved in the process. I know some very strict sects in our parts where there is NO dating, but it's a fairly tight-knit community, and they all know each other from group functions. And even in that environment, the young woman has the right to turn down any suitor, even if her parents approve. We need to be careful not to judge others by what we perceive to be a "common" standard, because it may not be as common as we think. But. The parenting style IS a problem. The enforced submission training means that these kids either "follow the plan" or they rebel. But if they rebel, they do not have the skills they need to survive in the "real" world, and often end up in abusive relationships. The lack of normal parental bond is an issue. I've been around large families, too - some are because of culture, some are a matter of religion, some just want a big family. And yes, the older ones help out, but... parenting isn't handed off. The parents are "the" parents, and do their best to develop a strong personal bond with every kid. [/QUOTE]
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Huge Families..The Duggars and The Bates...how do they do it?
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