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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764150" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I had hoped this was the case with my son. Why? Because it was more bearable for me to believe there was an extrinsic cause that if stopped would magically resolve my son's craziness.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This was my hope. I wanted to blame the drug.</p><p></p><p>I don't believe this anymore. I have faced that my son likely has bipolar I or schizophrenia and that he self-medicates. By facing that head on I have diffused the fear of the worst case. Instead of berating my son to abstain, I urge him to get treatment for mental illness. (Neither one nor the other has happened but I am saner. At least I hope so.)</p><p></p><p>It is okay to set a boundary on a crazy person. Why? Because there are remedies. Why? Because they are responsible to seek them, whether they do or not. Why? Because our sanity is worth it. It is not worth less than our children.</p><p></p><p>From my readings on marijuana psychosis what happens is the drug triggers latent psychosis. So. It is a chicken/egg situation.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line: Psychosis is treatable.</p><p></p><p>There was some latent vulnerability in my son. It was not only a lifestyle choice. It was there. If I can face that, I have a greater potential to find compassion for him, and to find strength in myself. It is not their fault. But it is their responsibility.</p><p></p><p>When I get fuzzy about boundaries, I confuse my son. He needs to know he is responsible. Not me. Responsibility is not the same as culpability. If I stay focused on the drug, I am blaming. </p><p></p><p>Boundaries aren't just for us. They're for our sons. By boundaries they are able to know what is them and what is us. Knowing this they have the potential to choose differently.</p><p></p><p>Much of my suffering came because I was confused who was who. I have no role or responsibility in choosing for my son. I can do so for myself. Only that.</p><p></p><p>If you are drinking heavily, you are probably taking on responsibility that is not yours to bear. You can choose to stop taking on misery that is not yours. I did.</p><p></p><p>Ask any long timer here. I was a wreck. I changed by boundaries. I am free now. I can live my life based on my own conduct, dreams, hopes. I can be happy. Content. Hopeful.</p><p></p><p>My son is a separate person from me. My life is separate from his drama. Yours is too. We are not responsible for their lives. They are.</p><p></p><p>Guilt is insidious, fruitless, and beside the point. Stop this. This is a drama queen behavior. Get a grip.</p><p>Every parent makes mistakes. You can do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764150, member: 18958"] I had hoped this was the case with my son. Why? Because it was more bearable for me to believe there was an extrinsic cause that if stopped would magically resolve my son's craziness. This was my hope. I wanted to blame the drug. I don't believe this anymore. I have faced that my son likely has bipolar I or schizophrenia and that he self-medicates. By facing that head on I have diffused the fear of the worst case. Instead of berating my son to abstain, I urge him to get treatment for mental illness. (Neither one nor the other has happened but I am saner. At least I hope so.) It is okay to set a boundary on a crazy person. Why? Because there are remedies. Why? Because they are responsible to seek them, whether they do or not. Why? Because our sanity is worth it. It is not worth less than our children. From my readings on marijuana psychosis what happens is the drug triggers latent psychosis. So. It is a chicken/egg situation. Bottom line: Psychosis is treatable. There was some latent vulnerability in my son. It was not only a lifestyle choice. It was there. If I can face that, I have a greater potential to find compassion for him, and to find strength in myself. It is not their fault. But it is their responsibility. When I get fuzzy about boundaries, I confuse my son. He needs to know he is responsible. Not me. Responsibility is not the same as culpability. If I stay focused on the drug, I am blaming. Boundaries aren't just for us. They're for our sons. By boundaries they are able to know what is them and what is us. Knowing this they have the potential to choose differently. Much of my suffering came because I was confused who was who. I have no role or responsibility in choosing for my son. I can do so for myself. Only that. If you are drinking heavily, you are probably taking on responsibility that is not yours to bear. You can choose to stop taking on misery that is not yours. I did. Ask any long timer here. I was a wreck. I changed by boundaries. I am free now. I can live my life based on my own conduct, dreams, hopes. I can be happy. Content. Hopeful. My son is a separate person from me. My life is separate from his drama. Yours is too. We are not responsible for their lives. They are. Guilt is insidious, fruitless, and beside the point. Stop this. This is a drama queen behavior. Get a grip. Every parent makes mistakes. You can do this. [/QUOTE]
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