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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 765270" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>One of the things that adults need to do is to play the hand they were dealt. It is too late for any of us to get a new deal. We can't turn in our cards and insist on another try. We can't intimidate our fellow players to trade their cards for ours. This is what comes with maturity. The acceptance of reality <strong>a</strong><em><strong>nd of responsibility. </strong></em></p><p></p><p>The problem comes when we as parents buy-in--by feeling guilty. This is very common in divorce. Parents feel guilty for the effects on their children. Wrong.</p><p></p><p>There is no life without thorns, without pain. This we all know. It's just real, real hard when it's us and our kids. My son is mentally ill. I mean, seriously mentally ill. He is paranoid and delusional. My son had every single bad break an infant could have gotten before I adopted him. Maybe I could have been a better mother. Surely I could have been. But I did the very best I could. The very best that I knew. But I had limitations. My situation, our situation, presented limitations. So did yours. Guilt doesn't help. Responsibility helps.</p><p></p><p>Our responsibility now is far different then it was when they were little. Our responsibility now is to get out of the way.. And let them with their own resources to do the work of maturing and healing. Of taking responsibility to play our their lives, their cards, in the best way that they can. What i am saying here, is to try your hardest to not succumb to your son's extortion or blackmail. Why? Because it hurts him if you do.</p><p></p><p>Your son got a good deal. He got you as a father. You love him. You care deeply. Do you know how few dads ever came to this forum since I've been here? In 9 years i can count them on one hand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 765270, member: 18958"] One of the things that adults need to do is to play the hand they were dealt. It is too late for any of us to get a new deal. We can't turn in our cards and insist on another try. We can't intimidate our fellow players to trade their cards for ours. This is what comes with maturity. The acceptance of reality [B]a[/B][I][B]nd of responsibility. [/B][/I] The problem comes when we as parents buy-in--by feeling guilty. This is very common in divorce. Parents feel guilty for the effects on their children. Wrong. There is no life without thorns, without pain. This we all know. It's just real, real hard when it's us and our kids. My son is mentally ill. I mean, seriously mentally ill. He is paranoid and delusional. My son had every single bad break an infant could have gotten before I adopted him. Maybe I could have been a better mother. Surely I could have been. But I did the very best I could. The very best that I knew. But I had limitations. My situation, our situation, presented limitations. So did yours. Guilt doesn't help. Responsibility helps. Our responsibility now is far different then it was when they were little. Our responsibility now is to get out of the way.. And let them with their own resources to do the work of maturing and healing. Of taking responsibility to play our their lives, their cards, in the best way that they can. What i am saying here, is to try your hardest to not succumb to your son's extortion or blackmail. Why? Because it hurts him if you do. Your son got a good deal. He got you as a father. You love him. You care deeply. Do you know how few dads ever came to this forum since I've been here? In 9 years i can count them on one hand. [/QUOTE]
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