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husband and holiday
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 396470" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I think it is good to have a healthy working relationship with an ex, especially with kids involved. I also find it normal to still have contact and relationships with former in laws etc. They were all once family and those connections don't go away because a couple decides to end it. Well it does end for many people, but many inlaws miss the new divorced former family member too. So in many ways I think it is a great thing that your husband can have positive contacts and importantly at holidays for the kids too. A great lesson in life for his kids to learn. </p><p></p><p>Yet I absolutely think that when you start a new relationship, enter a new marriage, it is not okay to leave a current wife alone visiting family etc while spending time with ex and her family, unless it is the only opportunity to see the kids. He is having them Christmas day right? So I don't think it is inappropriate for you as his wife to want to share your holiday with him and have him participate with YOUR family. Bonding with your family is super important, his bond with his former in laws not withstanding. If he's going to be spending time like that on Christmas eve there for whatever reason he feels Christmas day is not enough, it should include you. Of course that means you'd need to be okay be friendly and social and comfortable with his ex and her family. But they should have no problem having you present if they want him present during times like Christmas eve visits. I do think it is natural and normal to expect your husband to center the plans on that day on things you 2 do together, the kids are not going to suffer if they are spending the next day with you all anyhow to celebrate the holiday. If the pizza drop off and visit tradition is very meaningful to the children, then include you and you should find a way to attend to in all fairness. If the tradition is more about your husband out of habit and the kids are fine seeing in the next day instead, then I think he needs to realize that a healthy relationship with your ex is not mutually exclusive of beginning new ones with his current wife. Its so awkward trying to balance old and new, etc. I admire your husband for trying and for his ex and her family for being open to your husband. I do think this will turn to resentment if you 2 can't find a way to make it more equal. I personally wouldn't stand not having my S/O with me until 11pm on Christmas eve if he was visiting his ex and her family and showing up to my family christmas gathering when people were leaving. And yes he has a child with his ex and I'm perfectly fine with them communicating if she was cooperative in that. I would however make new arrangements with my family if it was important to my husband to go to his exs, and I would join him. To me it would be worth it simply to be with him for the holidays as a couple. </p><p></p><p>Whatever happens, it seems that everyone puts these kids first, including you. And I think thats fantastic. Shows me there's a good base of good will from all parties here, so I think there's a solution in here somewhere. Probably requires compromise by you, your husband and his ex, but I sense there's a working solution if you put your heads together.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 396470, member: 4264"] I think it is good to have a healthy working relationship with an ex, especially with kids involved. I also find it normal to still have contact and relationships with former in laws etc. They were all once family and those connections don't go away because a couple decides to end it. Well it does end for many people, but many inlaws miss the new divorced former family member too. So in many ways I think it is a great thing that your husband can have positive contacts and importantly at holidays for the kids too. A great lesson in life for his kids to learn. Yet I absolutely think that when you start a new relationship, enter a new marriage, it is not okay to leave a current wife alone visiting family etc while spending time with ex and her family, unless it is the only opportunity to see the kids. He is having them Christmas day right? So I don't think it is inappropriate for you as his wife to want to share your holiday with him and have him participate with YOUR family. Bonding with your family is super important, his bond with his former in laws not withstanding. If he's going to be spending time like that on Christmas eve there for whatever reason he feels Christmas day is not enough, it should include you. Of course that means you'd need to be okay be friendly and social and comfortable with his ex and her family. But they should have no problem having you present if they want him present during times like Christmas eve visits. I do think it is natural and normal to expect your husband to center the plans on that day on things you 2 do together, the kids are not going to suffer if they are spending the next day with you all anyhow to celebrate the holiday. If the pizza drop off and visit tradition is very meaningful to the children, then include you and you should find a way to attend to in all fairness. If the tradition is more about your husband out of habit and the kids are fine seeing in the next day instead, then I think he needs to realize that a healthy relationship with your ex is not mutually exclusive of beginning new ones with his current wife. Its so awkward trying to balance old and new, etc. I admire your husband for trying and for his ex and her family for being open to your husband. I do think this will turn to resentment if you 2 can't find a way to make it more equal. I personally wouldn't stand not having my S/O with me until 11pm on Christmas eve if he was visiting his ex and her family and showing up to my family christmas gathering when people were leaving. And yes he has a child with his ex and I'm perfectly fine with them communicating if she was cooperative in that. I would however make new arrangements with my family if it was important to my husband to go to his exs, and I would join him. To me it would be worth it simply to be with him for the holidays as a couple. Whatever happens, it seems that everyone puts these kids first, including you. And I think thats fantastic. Shows me there's a good base of good will from all parties here, so I think there's a solution in here somewhere. Probably requires compromise by you, your husband and his ex, but I sense there's a working solution if you put your heads together. [/QUOTE]
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