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husband...Biodad....Jealousy...AARRRGGGHHH!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="ShakespeareMamaX" data-source="post: 131055" data-attributes="member: 3861"><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px">husband and Ex</span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">LittleDudesMom</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Q Part 1</span>: In regards to ex, I do understand a little how husband feels. The two of you talk every day, he gives you rides to both kids appointments, he has offered you his car, you attend "family" therapy together even though husband is your new family (you and ex should be doing this seperately, even though I understand why it would be beneficial to meet together occasionally), he comes in your and husband's home and sits down and eats as if it's nothing. That's a lot of "husband and wife" type behavior.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Q Part 2</span>: It probably makes him feel like and inadequate provider. He loves you, your son and your'alls baby. He wants to be the provider and the strong one. Watching your ex become a friend rather than just "the ex" is not sitting well with him.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: DarkOrange">A Part 1</span>: I try to understand my husband, but he refuses to give me a reason why, just that it's "unacceptable". Ex does give rides to my kids and I, but I have no other choice. I tell my husband he's last on the list, but the list before him always fails. Ex is only transportation and, by no means, are we hanging out for social time. He drops me/us off, leaves, and picks us up and drives us home. I give him gas money, at the most. Ex hasn't attended family therapy, yet, but I told husband that I would like to maybe just go to one or two in the beginning as Ex isn't familiar with my son's mental health docs. Ex came into my house once to have dinner with difficult child that he bought him and I stayed away and let them have their time. When husband got home, he left, having finished dinner and was respectful to husband in speaking with him. </p><p></p><p><span style="color: DarkOrange">A Part 2</span>: As for the inadequate provider. To be blunt, he is. His job prevails over everything and I think he knows it. When I was well and could still drive, I brought my difficult child to therapy appts, psychiatrist appts, physician appts, dental appts, picked him up from school, attended every meeting I was summoned to for the school, dealt with the suspensions, the complaints, the daily reports, the RXs, my daughter's dentist appts, doctor appts, my own therapy, psychiatrist, physician and dental appts (most of which I had to cancel because I had to deal with difficult child), all while trying to get as many hours in that I could at my own job. My husband doesn't even know any of the docs' names...for any of us. He attended one family therapy session because I threatened to leave. The doctor saw the black and white relationship we have. The biggest factor was my husband stating he's "always right", concluding to I'm always wrong. I leave for one night, one night to console a friend. When I kept calling husband from 7am (he answered every time in a sleepy voice, but said he was up) and got home at 11am, he was still sleeping. I was furious as our daughter was still in her crib, hadn't eaten, been changed, etc... I realized, at that point, I can't even rely on him when he's not working. </p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Q</span>: Personally, I believe you do need to be sensative to his feelings. Look at the contact you and ex have right now and decide what is absolutely mandatory. Part of being a good marriage partner is compromise. If this bothers your partner so much, don't you think it's worth bending for? </p><p></p><p><span style="color: DarkOrange">A</span>: No. Compromise is not in his vocabulary and, in most cases, he won't talk to me at all. It's a guessing game with every problem and, in the meantime, I have to rattle my brain wondering what I did wrong. If I do get him to talk, again...he's right, I'm wrong, end of story. </p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Q</span>: How would you feel were the tables turned. If he were to talk to his ex every single day? If he and his ex were driving around town together? If his ex came in and ate at your home as if it were nothing? I think it would be natural to feel a little threatened.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: DarkOrange">A</span>: He asked me to do that, using an (evil) ex of his. I never met the girl, but had my "evil" opinion created by how he talked about her. It's hard to relate, as they don't have a child together which, in my opinion, makes a heck of a difference. If he talked to her everyday, ok, honestly it make urk me. That's where I tried to compromise, though. I told him I'd lesson it, but some convos are lengthy depending on the updates and solutions dealing with difficult child. I've explained about the driving around together. If my husband was sick, first off, I'D be the one driving him. If I couldn't, I would understand the second means of transportation. I would prefer to be present if his ex was eating dinner in our house but my husband had forbade his coming in AT ALL, EVER, after the fact. I would, at least, give the girl a chance (I'm pretty forgiving) and if he was happy with how she was treating their kid instead of raging around the house how she's not involved in their kid's life and she's not paying child support and she doesn't know teachers' names, doctors' names, RXs...wait...this is starting to sound familiar... I should stop. The fact of the matter is, I would compromise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ShakespeareMamaX, post: 131055, member: 3861"] [B][SIZE="3"]husband and Ex[/SIZE][/B] [B][COLOR="Red"]LittleDudesMom[/COLOR][/B] [COLOR="Blue"]Q Part 1[/COLOR]: In regards to ex, I do understand a little how husband feels. The two of you talk every day, he gives you rides to both kids appointments, he has offered you his car, you attend "family" therapy together even though husband is your new family (you and ex should be doing this seperately, even though I understand why it would be beneficial to meet together occasionally), he comes in your and husband's home and sits down and eats as if it's nothing. That's a lot of "husband and wife" type behavior. [COLOR="Blue"]Q Part 2[/COLOR]: It probably makes him feel like and inadequate provider. He loves you, your son and your'alls baby. He wants to be the provider and the strong one. Watching your ex become a friend rather than just "the ex" is not sitting well with him. [COLOR="DarkOrange"]A Part 1[/COLOR]: I try to understand my husband, but he refuses to give me a reason why, just that it's "unacceptable". Ex does give rides to my kids and I, but I have no other choice. I tell my husband he's last on the list, but the list before him always fails. Ex is only transportation and, by no means, are we hanging out for social time. He drops me/us off, leaves, and picks us up and drives us home. I give him gas money, at the most. Ex hasn't attended family therapy, yet, but I told husband that I would like to maybe just go to one or two in the beginning as Ex isn't familiar with my son's mental health docs. Ex came into my house once to have dinner with difficult child that he bought him and I stayed away and let them have their time. When husband got home, he left, having finished dinner and was respectful to husband in speaking with him. [COLOR="DarkOrange"]A Part 2[/COLOR]: As for the inadequate provider. To be blunt, he is. His job prevails over everything and I think he knows it. When I was well and could still drive, I brought my difficult child to therapy appts, psychiatrist appts, physician appts, dental appts, picked him up from school, attended every meeting I was summoned to for the school, dealt with the suspensions, the complaints, the daily reports, the RXs, my daughter's dentist appts, doctor appts, my own therapy, psychiatrist, physician and dental appts (most of which I had to cancel because I had to deal with difficult child), all while trying to get as many hours in that I could at my own job. My husband doesn't even know any of the docs' names...for any of us. He attended one family therapy session because I threatened to leave. The doctor saw the black and white relationship we have. The biggest factor was my husband stating he's "always right", concluding to I'm always wrong. I leave for one night, one night to console a friend. When I kept calling husband from 7am (he answered every time in a sleepy voice, but said he was up) and got home at 11am, he was still sleeping. I was furious as our daughter was still in her crib, hadn't eaten, been changed, etc... I realized, at that point, I can't even rely on him when he's not working. [COLOR="Blue"]Q[/COLOR]: Personally, I believe you do need to be sensative to his feelings. Look at the contact you and ex have right now and decide what is absolutely mandatory. Part of being a good marriage partner is compromise. If this bothers your partner so much, don't you think it's worth bending for? [COLOR="DarkOrange"]A[/COLOR]: No. Compromise is not in his vocabulary and, in most cases, he won't talk to me at all. It's a guessing game with every problem and, in the meantime, I have to rattle my brain wondering what I did wrong. If I do get him to talk, again...he's right, I'm wrong, end of story. [COLOR="Blue"]Q[/COLOR]: How would you feel were the tables turned. If he were to talk to his ex every single day? If he and his ex were driving around town together? If his ex came in and ate at your home as if it were nothing? I think it would be natural to feel a little threatened. [COLOR="DarkOrange"]A[/COLOR]: He asked me to do that, using an (evil) ex of his. I never met the girl, but had my "evil" opinion created by how he talked about her. It's hard to relate, as they don't have a child together which, in my opinion, makes a heck of a difference. If he talked to her everyday, ok, honestly it make urk me. That's where I tried to compromise, though. I told him I'd lesson it, but some convos are lengthy depending on the updates and solutions dealing with difficult child. I've explained about the driving around together. If my husband was sick, first off, I'D be the one driving him. If I couldn't, I would understand the second means of transportation. I would prefer to be present if his ex was eating dinner in our house but my husband had forbade his coming in AT ALL, EVER, after the fact. I would, at least, give the girl a chance (I'm pretty forgiving) and if he was happy with how she was treating their kid instead of raging around the house how she's not involved in their kid's life and she's not paying child support and she doesn't know teachers' names, doctors' names, RXs...wait...this is starting to sound familiar... I should stop. The fact of the matter is, I would compromise. [/QUOTE]
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