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husband could use some Rhino Skin
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 369133" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry your husband is hurting so badly right now. Would he go see your therapist with you if you made it sound like it would really help YOU learn to handle some things if he went?</p><p></p><p>Years ago, when I was a preteen, my mom forced my dad to go to see a therapist. Back then NO ONE saw tdocs outside of Hollywood and there was a lot of stigma attached. My dad thought it was all BS but he went because my mom said it was therapist or divorce. They took my bro to quite a few sessions and I went to 2 of them. My dad and brother's relationship was very toxic and getting worse and worse by the hour. My father did NOT admit that he learned anything or that therapy was anything other than a complete waste of time. He went anyway, as long as Mom insisted. </p><p></p><p>Decades later, actually only a couple of years ago, he told me he admired me for dragging the kids and husband to therapy. He said that in spite of the way he acted back when Mom dragged him to therapy, he really learned a lot and it helped him be a better person, parent, spouse and teacher. He had only recently admitted it to himself, and it was a real shock to both Mom and I. Especially in light of the way he behaved when he was going to the therapist!</p><p></p><p>So if you can get your husband to the therapist for a few sessions it is likely to be quite helpful whether he knows it or admits it or not. Just make sure your therapist knows the issues ahead of time and is prepared to make it seem like the sessions are not all about helping him, but are about helping you instead. </p><p></p><p>It may seem like scheming, or trickery, but sometimes it is far more effective to use a roundabout way to get things done. It probably will be very helpful to you if he learns how to handle the situation with difficult child, so it is not a lie when you say that he is going to the therapist to help you. It is not the complete truth, but it is not a lie. (As my Great Grandma used to say, "They say you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. You can if you lead him in far enough." Sometimes we have to lead our loved ones into the water pretty far before the hurt can be soothed by the water.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 369133, member: 1233"] I am sorry your husband is hurting so badly right now. Would he go see your therapist with you if you made it sound like it would really help YOU learn to handle some things if he went? Years ago, when I was a preteen, my mom forced my dad to go to see a therapist. Back then NO ONE saw tdocs outside of Hollywood and there was a lot of stigma attached. My dad thought it was all BS but he went because my mom said it was therapist or divorce. They took my bro to quite a few sessions and I went to 2 of them. My dad and brother's relationship was very toxic and getting worse and worse by the hour. My father did NOT admit that he learned anything or that therapy was anything other than a complete waste of time. He went anyway, as long as Mom insisted. Decades later, actually only a couple of years ago, he told me he admired me for dragging the kids and husband to therapy. He said that in spite of the way he acted back when Mom dragged him to therapy, he really learned a lot and it helped him be a better person, parent, spouse and teacher. He had only recently admitted it to himself, and it was a real shock to both Mom and I. Especially in light of the way he behaved when he was going to the therapist! So if you can get your husband to the therapist for a few sessions it is likely to be quite helpful whether he knows it or admits it or not. Just make sure your therapist knows the issues ahead of time and is prepared to make it seem like the sessions are not all about helping him, but are about helping you instead. It may seem like scheming, or trickery, but sometimes it is far more effective to use a roundabout way to get things done. It probably will be very helpful to you if he learns how to handle the situation with difficult child, so it is not a lie when you say that he is going to the therapist to help you. It is not the complete truth, but it is not a lie. (As my Great Grandma used to say, "They say you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. You can if you lead him in far enough." Sometimes we have to lead our loved ones into the water pretty far before the hurt can be soothed by the water. [/QUOTE]
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