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Substance Abuse
husband expects payback...
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 551817" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>If we would ask that from my kids they would probably tell us to sought any compensation we wish for from our own parents who apparently didn't teach us about contraception. And I kind of have to agree. We purposely had these children and we purposely put money on them. Our choices and not something they are not in any way responsible for. Now that difficult child is an adult, us using money on him is totally our choice. We are lucky to live in system, there he would not be dying on cold and hunger and lack of medical care in streets even if he or we would do nothing to help him. So it really is our choice, how much we are willing to help him. And honestly he isn't costing us too much. Currently his therapy costs may mean we have to postpone our kitchen renovation and husband has to drive his current car few years longer. Those are not big sacrifices and we even still have hope his therapy would be publicly funded. So it is easy to me to say. </p><p></p><p>But also our culture is so, that asking compensations from our kids is really foreign idea. While most of us are not farmers any more (I think less than 5 % are employed by agriculture nowadays in this country), our culture is very strongly based on small, independent family farms. It shows in many concepts in our culture but it also shows in how we see family finances. An idea that everyone can do what they wish to their money and property is odd to us. We still mentally see things from the point of view, there you have inherited your estate(family farm), you live from it, you develop it in your best abilities and you leave it to your children when you die. And it is your responsibility to your family line to keep good care of it, because it is not really just yours, it's also your ancestor's and your offspring's and you are countable to them. While most of us are not owning farms any more I think it will take quite a few generations before that mental idea disappears from our culture. It shows even in our laws. For example to disown your child and leave them no inheritance you have to actually show, they have gravely harmed you or caused you misery with their choices. Even if we would want to, we probably couldn't disown our difficult child. While he has stolen from us, he was still a minor then. And he has caused us public embarrassment, but again, he was a minor. If he would choose to pathologically gamble and steal, when we would be allowed to disown him. But if your offspring is not doing anything criminal or organizing public manifestations about how much you suck (and they would need to be false allocations, if you really suck, it doesn't count), you are not really allowed to disown them and they will inherit you even if you hated their guts.</p><p></p><p>But now I rambled far from the topic. But I have to say, that my kids paying back to us is very foreign and odd idea for me. Of course if difficult child ends up to that level in his sport, there he would make few million dollars a year (yeah, dream on) I wouldn't mind some nice Christmas presents from him <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 551817, member: 14557"] If we would ask that from my kids they would probably tell us to sought any compensation we wish for from our own parents who apparently didn't teach us about contraception. And I kind of have to agree. We purposely had these children and we purposely put money on them. Our choices and not something they are not in any way responsible for. Now that difficult child is an adult, us using money on him is totally our choice. We are lucky to live in system, there he would not be dying on cold and hunger and lack of medical care in streets even if he or we would do nothing to help him. So it really is our choice, how much we are willing to help him. And honestly he isn't costing us too much. Currently his therapy costs may mean we have to postpone our kitchen renovation and husband has to drive his current car few years longer. Those are not big sacrifices and we even still have hope his therapy would be publicly funded. So it is easy to me to say. But also our culture is so, that asking compensations from our kids is really foreign idea. While most of us are not farmers any more (I think less than 5 % are employed by agriculture nowadays in this country), our culture is very strongly based on small, independent family farms. It shows in many concepts in our culture but it also shows in how we see family finances. An idea that everyone can do what they wish to their money and property is odd to us. We still mentally see things from the point of view, there you have inherited your estate(family farm), you live from it, you develop it in your best abilities and you leave it to your children when you die. And it is your responsibility to your family line to keep good care of it, because it is not really just yours, it's also your ancestor's and your offspring's and you are countable to them. While most of us are not owning farms any more I think it will take quite a few generations before that mental idea disappears from our culture. It shows even in our laws. For example to disown your child and leave them no inheritance you have to actually show, they have gravely harmed you or caused you misery with their choices. Even if we would want to, we probably couldn't disown our difficult child. While he has stolen from us, he was still a minor then. And he has caused us public embarrassment, but again, he was a minor. If he would choose to pathologically gamble and steal, when we would be allowed to disown him. But if your offspring is not doing anything criminal or organizing public manifestations about how much you suck (and they would need to be false allocations, if you really suck, it doesn't count), you are not really allowed to disown them and they will inherit you even if you hated their guts. But now I rambled far from the topic. But I have to say, that my kids paying back to us is very foreign and odd idea for me. Of course if difficult child ends up to that level in his sport, there he would make few million dollars a year (yeah, dream on) I wouldn't mind some nice Christmas presents from him :winking: [/QUOTE]
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