A friend of mine went to evening classes after work, encouraged by her new husband. "Don't worry, darling. I work from home anyway, I'll mind the kids and organise dinner. You do something for yourself."
So while the mother did further study, with the encouragement of her husband, stepdaddy was molesting the daughter. It went on for four years while the mother continued her studies, while daughter was convinced her mother knew and colluded. So of course, what was the point in saying to him she would tell her mother, if she believed her mother already knew?
Then daughter told him to stop, she wouldn't do it any more. She was now 15 and able to stand up to him. Almost by magic, stepdaddy lost interest in the mother as well. My friend wondered why her marriage was suddenly in trouble, why he suddenly seemed so disinterested.
Meanwhile the mother had also been encouraged to coach students after school and on weekends, especially female students. This predator turned his attentions to the young girls who came to the house for coaching, even suggesting organising outings for the family and all the students, as a reward for all the hard work they were putting in.
My friend's daughter saw this happening and attacked her mother - "How could you allow him to do this? How could you have allowed him to do this to me?"
My friend was horrified - she'd had no idea. She confronted her husband and he cried, apologised and then said, "I never would have done it if I hadn't been so badly tempted. You were never around - always off studying, or tutoring, I turned to the nearest female for comfort, she is so mature..." blah blah blah. He was so persuasive that she actually believed she was responsible for hr daughter being molested and for failing to give him the proper attention during the marriage. The guy had her totally brainwashed. She was even going to take him back and work on their marriage - she is not a quitter - when some remnant of common sense made hr check his computer and the bank statements. Plus phone records.
Then it all began to unravel. "I never knew it was possible to book a motel by the hour," she told me. "And with an under-age girl, at that - why didn't somebody see something and alert authorities?"
She found so much rubbish on his computer. He was an expert and had covered his tracks, but not well enough. And just as he'd managed to talk his way out of things, she would find more.
She is a highly intelligent, loving mother who STILL was brainwashed by this creep. She finally had to accept that all the years of their marriage had been a lie - he had sought her out and married her not out of love for her, but lust for her little girl. And when the same little girl grew up and began to say, "No!" he lost interest and all pretence of happy marriage went out the window.
My friend's husband was a master at accusing her, to try to remove guilt from him and to take the focus off himself as the offender. He almost succeeded.
I guess that's why I get so angry when I hear of men treating their women like this, because so many people get hurt just so these creeps can get a few seconds of illicit sexual pleasure, and get away with it.
Marg