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husband had an affair
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<blockquote data-quote="svengandhi" data-source="post: 72075" data-attributes="member: 3493"><p>Karen -</p><p></p><p>As someone who is trying to get the limbo of learning my husband cheated on me, too, I have some been there, done that advice for you.</p><p></p><p>Do NOT assume it is over. Sometimes it is and sometimes the cheaters just go deeper underground to hide it. Be careful as well of the "emotional affair" as that can be tougher to break than the physical attraction. In my case, the sex had ended before I found out, but he spent another year and a half after that trying to help this person out with her multitude of issues. I am also a pretty straight up, not needy, not overly affectionate person, I am NOT huggy and touchy and he sought out someone who was even needier than he was and such a total loser that it made him feel good about himself. </p><p></p><p>You MUST monitor his cell phone use. I set up a thing through our provider that specifically tracked all numbers associated with his cheatbuddy. I also ordered something called LUD's from our landline provider - this gives you all numbers dialed from your home phone. WH never erased caller ID (he's too arrogant to think he needed to conceal it from me) so I knew whenever he got a call. When he did, I would call his FB and ream her out. She finally stopped calling because I made it so unpleasant for her.</p><p></p><p>You must also get and insist he get STD testing, including for herpes and Hepatitis C. These tests should be repeated in 3 to 6 months. If he refuses to go, get them yourself. Do not have sex with him unprotected until you both have a clean bill of health.</p><p></p><p>I would also let the woman's mother know that you know. Are you certain that the mother knows your H was married. She could have been told he was divorced or separated. This is very common and since you were out of town half the time, it might have worked.</p><p></p><p>Above all, understand that a spouse's cheating is NOT about a deficiency in you. It is about a lack in them! My WH blamed me for not being affectionate enough, not giving him enough sex, not running around telling the world how simply awesome he was all the time! I had my role in the state and dynamic of our marriage and I take 50% responsibility for the fact that we were not communicating as well as we could have but he also has 50% fault for the state of our M and 100% fault for choosing to cheat. You can't make somebody cheat on you - it is their choice! If you take nothing else from what I have written, PLEASE realize that.</p><p></p><p>Good luck to you, Karen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="svengandhi, post: 72075, member: 3493"] Karen - As someone who is trying to get the limbo of learning my husband cheated on me, too, I have some been there, done that advice for you. Do NOT assume it is over. Sometimes it is and sometimes the cheaters just go deeper underground to hide it. Be careful as well of the "emotional affair" as that can be tougher to break than the physical attraction. In my case, the sex had ended before I found out, but he spent another year and a half after that trying to help this person out with her multitude of issues. I am also a pretty straight up, not needy, not overly affectionate person, I am NOT huggy and touchy and he sought out someone who was even needier than he was and such a total loser that it made him feel good about himself. You MUST monitor his cell phone use. I set up a thing through our provider that specifically tracked all numbers associated with his cheatbuddy. I also ordered something called LUD's from our landline provider - this gives you all numbers dialed from your home phone. WH never erased caller ID (he's too arrogant to think he needed to conceal it from me) so I knew whenever he got a call. When he did, I would call his FB and ream her out. She finally stopped calling because I made it so unpleasant for her. You must also get and insist he get STD testing, including for herpes and Hepatitis C. These tests should be repeated in 3 to 6 months. If he refuses to go, get them yourself. Do not have sex with him unprotected until you both have a clean bill of health. I would also let the woman's mother know that you know. Are you certain that the mother knows your H was married. She could have been told he was divorced or separated. This is very common and since you were out of town half the time, it might have worked. Above all, understand that a spouse's cheating is NOT about a deficiency in you. It is about a lack in them! My WH blamed me for not being affectionate enough, not giving him enough sex, not running around telling the world how simply awesome he was all the time! I had my role in the state and dynamic of our marriage and I take 50% responsibility for the fact that we were not communicating as well as we could have but he also has 50% fault for the state of our M and 100% fault for choosing to cheat. You can't make somebody cheat on you - it is their choice! If you take nothing else from what I have written, PLEASE realize that. Good luck to you, Karen. [/QUOTE]
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