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husband is a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="OpenWindow" data-source="post: 175876" data-attributes="member: 45"><p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: left">Well, this is long, but I looked it up and answered some questions. I think you're right Janet, I may have married you. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> Wait, no, I didn't, because my husband won't admit that he has any disorders, even though he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was young and depression, possible bipolar about 10 years ago. </p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: left">So what do I do next? How do I talk to him when he gets mad when I try to talk to him? Where do I go from here? </p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: left">GVCMOM, how do you handle it? He does apologize afterwards, but if I try to talk about it, even at that point, we end up arguing again. </p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: left">Thanks Terry - sometimes I wish I could let loose and scream too, but the kids are usually not far away and I try not to let them see it.</p> <p style="text-align: left"><strong></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"><strong></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>DSM-IV Definition of Borderline (BPD)</strong></p> <ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5). <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting." <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> </ol><p>Following is a definition of splitting from the book <em>I Hate You, Don't Leave Me</em> by Jerry Kreisman, M.D. From page 10: <ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5). <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. <strong><span style="color: Red">NO</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Chronic feelings of emptiness. <strong><span style="color: Red">Don't know, but I imagine so<br /> </span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> </ol><p>Dissociation is the state in which, on some level or another, one becomes somewhat removed from "reality," whether this be daydreaming, performing actions without being fully connected to their performance ("running on automatic"), or other, more disconnected actions. It is the opposite of "association" and involves the lack of association, usually of one's identity, with the rest of the world.</p><p></p><p> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>Is someone you care about causing you a great deal of pain?</strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Do you find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you're afraid of the other person's reaction or because it just doesn't seem worth the horrible fight or hurt feelings that will follow? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you? Are you blamed and criticized for everything wrong in the relationship-even when it makes no logical sense? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages, alternating with periods when the other person acts perfectly normal and loving? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES </span></strong>Does no one believe you when you explain that this is going on? <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or even lied to sometimes? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES </span></strong>Do you feel like you're the victim of emotional blackmail? <strong><span style="color: Red">NO</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Do you feel like the person you care about sees you as either all good or all bad, with nothing in between? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES </span></strong>Is there sometimes no rational reason for the switch? <strong><span style="color: Red">NOT SURE</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Are you afraid to ask for things in the relationship because you will be told that you're too demanding or that there is something wrong with you? <strong><span style="color: Red">NO </span></strong>Are you told that your needs are not important? <strong><span style="color: Red">NO</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Is the person always denigrating or denying your point of view? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES </span></strong>Do you feel that their expectations of you are constantly changing, so you can never do anything right? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Are you accused of doing things you never did and saying things you never said? <strong><span style="color: Red">NO, he just miscontrues </span></strong>Do you feel misunderstood a great deal of the time, and when you try to explain do you find that the other person doesn't believe you? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Are you constantly being put down? <strong><span style="color: Red">NO, except when he's mad </span></strong>When you try to leave the relationship does the other person try to prevent you from leaving in a variety of ways (anything from declarations of love and promises to change to implicit or explicit threats)? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES, although I haven't tried to leave. It's more like when he is in apology mode.</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"> Do you have a hard time planning anything (social engagements, etc.) because of the other person's moodiness, impulsiveness, or unpredictability? <strong><span style="color: Red">NO </span></strong>Do you make excuses for their behavior or try to convince yourself that everything is okay? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: left"> </p><p> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>Thoughts that may indicate Borderline (BPD)</strong></p><p> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>Does this person:</strong></p> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Alternate between seeing people as either flawless or evil? <span style="color: Red"><strong>AT TIMES </strong></span>Have difficulty remembering the good things about a person they're casting in the role of villain? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Find it impossible to recall anything negative about this person when they become the hero? <strong><span style="color: Red">NO</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against them? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Alternate between seeing situations as either disastrous or ideal? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Alternate between seeing themselves as either worthless or flawless? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Have a hard time recalling someone's love for them when they're not around? <strong><span style="color: Red">NO</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Believe that others are either completely right or totally wrong? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Change their opinions depending upon who they're with? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Alternate between idealizing people and devaluing them? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Remember situations very differently than other people, or find themselves unable to recall them at all? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Believe that others are responsible for their actions <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong>-or take too much responsibility for the actions of others <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span>?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Seem unwilling to admit to a mistake <strong><span style="color: Red">YES </span></strong>-or feel that everything that they do is a mistake <span style="color: Red"><strong>SOMETIMES</strong></span>?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Base their beliefs on feelings rather than facts? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Not realize the effects of their behavior on others? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> </ul> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>Feelings that may indicate Borderline (BPD)</strong></p><p> <strong>Does this person:</strong> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Feel abandoned at the slightest provocation? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Have extreme moodiness that cycles very quickly (in minutes or hours)? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Have difficulty managing their emotions? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Feel emotions so intensely that it's difficult to put others' needs-even those of their own children-ahead of their own? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Feel distrustful and suspicious a great deal of the time? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Feel anxious or irritable a great deal of the time? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Feel empty or like they have no self a great deal of the time? <span style="color: Red"><strong>NOT SURE, but I imagine so<br /> </strong></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Feel ignored when they are not the focus of attention? <strong><span style="color: Red">sort of<br /> </span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Express anger inappropriately <strong><span style="color: Red">YES </span></strong>or have difficulty expressing anger at all <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span>?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Feel that they never can get enough love, affection, or attention? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Frequently feel spacey, unreal, or out of it? <span style="color: Red"><strong>NOT SURE<br /> </strong></span></li> </ul> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>Behaviors that may indicate Borderline (BPD)</strong></p><p> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>Does this person:</strong></p> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Have trouble observing others' personal limits? <strong><span style="color: Red">???</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Have trouble defining their own personal limits? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Act impulsively in ways that are potentially self-damaging, such as spending too much, engaging in dangerous sex, fighting, gambling, abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, shoplifting, or disordered eating? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Mutilate themselves-for example, purposely cutting or burning their skin? <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Threaten to kill themselves-or make actual suicide attempts? <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Rush into relationships based on idealized fantasies of what they would like the other person or the relationship to be? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Change their expectations in such a way that the other person feels they can never do anything right? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Have frightening, unpredictable rages that make no logical sense <strong><span style="color: Red">YES </span></strong>-or have trouble expressing anger at all <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span>?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Physically abuse others, such as slapping, kicking, and scratching them? <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Needlessly create crises or live a chaotic lifestyle? <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Act inconsistently or unpredictably? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Alternately want to be close to others, then distance themselves?<br /> (Examples include picking fights when things are going well or alternately ending relationships and then trying to get back together.) <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Cut people out of their life over issues that seem trivial or overblown? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Act competent and controlled in some situations but extremely out of control in others? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Verbally abuse others, criticizing and blaming them to the point where it feels brutal? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Act verbally abusive toward people they know very well, while putting on a charming front for others? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES </span></strong>Can they switch from one mode to the other in seconds? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Act in what seems like extreme or controlling ways to get their own needs met? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Do or say something inappropriate to focus the attention on them when they feel ignored? <span style="color: Red"><strong>NO</strong></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"> Accuse others of doing things they did not do, having feelings they do not feel, or believing things they do not believe? <strong><span style="color: Red">YES</span></strong></li> </ul></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OpenWindow, post: 175876, member: 45"] [LEFT] Well, this is long, but I looked it up and answered some questions. I think you're right Janet, I may have married you. :raspberry-tounge: Wait, no, I didn't, because my husband won't admit that he has any disorders, even though he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was young and depression, possible bipolar about 10 years ago. So what do I do next? How do I talk to him when he gets mad when I try to talk to him? Where do I go from here? GVCMOM, how do you handle it? He does apologize afterwards, but if I try to talk about it, even at that point, we end up arguing again. Thanks Terry - sometimes I wish I could let loose and scream too, but the kids are usually not far away and I try not to let them see it. [B] DSM-IV Definition of Borderline (BPD)[/B][/LEFT] [LIST=1] [*]A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*]Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5). [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*]A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting." [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B][/LIST]Following is a definition of splitting from the book [I]I Hate You, Don't Leave Me[/I] by Jerry Kreisman, M.D. From page 10:[LIST=1] [*]Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*]Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5). [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*]Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. [B][COLOR=Red]NO[/COLOR][/B] [*]Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*]Chronic feelings of emptiness. [B][COLOR=Red]Don't know, but I imagine so [/COLOR][/B] [*]Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*]Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B][/LIST]Dissociation is the state in which, on some level or another, one becomes somewhat removed from "reality," whether this be daydreaming, performing actions without being fully connected to their performance ("running on automatic"), or other, more disconnected actions. It is the opposite of "association" and involves the lack of association, usually of one's identity, with the rest of the world. [LEFT][B]Is someone you care about causing you a great deal of pain?[/B] Do you find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you're afraid of the other person's reaction or because it just doesn't seem worth the horrible fight or hurt feelings that will follow? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you? Are you blamed and criticized for everything wrong in the relationship-even when it makes no logical sense? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages, alternating with periods when the other person acts perfectly normal and loving? [B][COLOR=Red]YES [/COLOR][/B]Does no one believe you when you explain that this is going on? [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR] Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or even lied to sometimes? [B][COLOR=Red]YES [/COLOR][/B]Do you feel like you're the victim of emotional blackmail? [B][COLOR=Red]NO[/COLOR][/B] Do you feel like the person you care about sees you as either all good or all bad, with nothing in between? [B][COLOR=Red]YES [/COLOR][/B]Is there sometimes no rational reason for the switch? [B][COLOR=Red]NOT SURE[/COLOR][/B] Are you afraid to ask for things in the relationship because you will be told that you're too demanding or that there is something wrong with you? [B][COLOR=Red]NO [/COLOR][/B]Are you told that your needs are not important? [B][COLOR=Red]NO[/COLOR][/B] Is the person always denigrating or denying your point of view? [B][COLOR=Red]YES [/COLOR][/B]Do you feel that their expectations of you are constantly changing, so you can never do anything right? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] Are you accused of doing things you never did and saying things you never said? [B][COLOR=Red]NO, he just miscontrues [/COLOR][/B]Do you feel misunderstood a great deal of the time, and when you try to explain do you find that the other person doesn't believe you? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] Are you constantly being put down? [B][COLOR=Red]NO, except when he's mad [/COLOR][/B]When you try to leave the relationship does the other person try to prevent you from leaving in a variety of ways (anything from declarations of love and promises to change to implicit or explicit threats)? [B][COLOR=Red]YES, although I haven't tried to leave. It's more like when he is in apology mode.[/COLOR][/B] Do you have a hard time planning anything (social engagements, etc.) because of the other person's moodiness, impulsiveness, or unpredictability? [B][COLOR=Red]NO [/COLOR][/B]Do you make excuses for their behavior or try to convince yourself that everything is okay? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [/LEFT] [LEFT][B]Thoughts that may indicate Borderline (BPD)[/B][/LEFT] [LEFT][B]Does this person:[/B][/LEFT] [LIST] [*] Alternate between seeing people as either flawless or evil? [COLOR=Red][B]AT TIMES [/B][/COLOR]Have difficulty remembering the good things about a person they're casting in the role of villain? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Find it impossible to recall anything negative about this person when they become the hero? [B][COLOR=Red]NO[/COLOR][/B] [*] Alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against them? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Alternate between seeing situations as either disastrous or ideal? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Alternate between seeing themselves as either worthless or flawless? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Have a hard time recalling someone's love for them when they're not around? [B][COLOR=Red]NO[/COLOR][/B] [*] Believe that others are either completely right or totally wrong? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Change their opinions depending upon who they're with? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Alternate between idealizing people and devaluing them? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Remember situations very differently than other people, or find themselves unable to recall them at all? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Believe that others are responsible for their actions [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B]-or take too much responsibility for the actions of others [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR]? [*] Seem unwilling to admit to a mistake [B][COLOR=Red]YES [/COLOR][/B]-or feel that everything that they do is a mistake [COLOR=Red][B]SOMETIMES[/B][/COLOR]? [*] Base their beliefs on feelings rather than facts? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Not realize the effects of their behavior on others? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B][/LIST][LEFT][B]Feelings that may indicate Borderline (BPD)[/B][/LEFT] [B]Does this person:[/B][LIST] [*] Feel abandoned at the slightest provocation? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Have extreme moodiness that cycles very quickly (in minutes or hours)? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Have difficulty managing their emotions? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Feel emotions so intensely that it's difficult to put others' needs-even those of their own children-ahead of their own? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Feel distrustful and suspicious a great deal of the time? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Feel anxious or irritable a great deal of the time? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Feel empty or like they have no self a great deal of the time? [COLOR=Red][B]NOT SURE, but I imagine so [/B][/COLOR] [*] Feel ignored when they are not the focus of attention? [B][COLOR=Red]sort of [/COLOR][/B] [*] Express anger inappropriately [B][COLOR=Red]YES [/COLOR][/B]or have difficulty expressing anger at all [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR]? [*] Feel that they never can get enough love, affection, or attention? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Frequently feel spacey, unreal, or out of it? [COLOR=Red][B]NOT SURE [/B][/COLOR][/LIST][LEFT][B]Behaviors that may indicate Borderline (BPD)[/B][/LEFT] [LEFT][B]Does this person:[/B][/LEFT] [LIST] [*] Have trouble observing others' personal limits? [B][COLOR=Red]???[/COLOR][/B] [*] Have trouble defining their own personal limits? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Act impulsively in ways that are potentially self-damaging, such as spending too much, engaging in dangerous sex, fighting, gambling, abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, shoplifting, or disordered eating? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Mutilate themselves-for example, purposely cutting or burning their skin? [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR] [*] Threaten to kill themselves-or make actual suicide attempts? [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR] [*] Rush into relationships based on idealized fantasies of what they would like the other person or the relationship to be? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Change their expectations in such a way that the other person feels they can never do anything right? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Have frightening, unpredictable rages that make no logical sense [B][COLOR=Red]YES [/COLOR][/B]-or have trouble expressing anger at all [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR]? [*] Physically abuse others, such as slapping, kicking, and scratching them? [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR] [*] Needlessly create crises or live a chaotic lifestyle? [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR] [*] Act inconsistently or unpredictably? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Alternately want to be close to others, then distance themselves? (Examples include picking fights when things are going well or alternately ending relationships and then trying to get back together.) [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR] [*] Cut people out of their life over issues that seem trivial or overblown? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Act competent and controlled in some situations but extremely out of control in others? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Verbally abuse others, criticizing and blaming them to the point where it feels brutal? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Act verbally abusive toward people they know very well, while putting on a charming front for others? [B][COLOR=Red]YES [/COLOR][/B]Can they switch from one mode to the other in seconds? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Act in what seems like extreme or controlling ways to get their own needs met? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B] [*] Do or say something inappropriate to focus the attention on them when they feel ignored? [COLOR=Red][B]NO[/B][/COLOR] [*] Accuse others of doing things they did not do, having feelings they do not feel, or believing things they do not believe? [B][COLOR=Red]YES[/COLOR][/B][/LIST] [/QUOTE]
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