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husband is a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 176003" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>In the pre-Lamictal days, the only way I could broach a sensitive subject with husband was when we were on the phone, via e-mail, or some other neutral territory. When it was face to face, he got too defensive which quickly deteriorated into outright hostility. He's not a hitter, but he sure let's you have both barrels with his words and his emotions. I remember one day after a particularly heated exchange, I furiously sobbed to him that as his WIFE, the person he CHOSE as his LIFE PARTNER, I deserved to be treated with LOVE, KINDNESS and RESPECT and he was NOT treating me that way at all. He would never talk to his mother, grandmother, or even his sisters the way he has to me. It shut him up for a few minutes and made him think. </p><p> </p><p>With therapy, I learned to detach (with love) and not let myself get sucked into his abusive behavior. I learned to speak my truth and really put my foot down for the boundaries I believe in. He was pretty shook up by that at first, but it got easier and easier for me to do with time. There are some good books out there on verbally abusive relationships that gave me concrete ideas for how to respond to someone like that. You don't deserve it and you don't have to tolerate it. </p><p> </p><p>I have to say, though, that the medications have made the biggest difference for husband. Although he tried ADHD medications before, they didn't completely help his anger issues. Only the Lamictal (and Paxil) have done that. He is like a completely different person in that regard.</p><p> </p><p>I think if your husband is mad at you, so what. Let him be mad. It's his problem, not yours. It doesn't change a thing about what you're trying to do for your kids. Don't let his emotional instability distract you from doing what you need to do for the rest of your family. </p><p> </p><p>So he doesn't like what's happened. That's too bad and it's in the past. All his ranting won't change a thing. What's important is moving forward and making progress. If he's not going to be part of the solution, then solve the problem without him. TELL the investigator what your husband is saying about the situation. That he's being uncooperative and harrassing you over this. Maybe even ask husband what he is trying to hide? To pull emotional blackmail on you by saying he's going to "hate" you until this is all over is just SO JUVENILE, and he sounds like a gradeschool boy pouting on the playground when he doesn't like the way the game is going. This is NOT a GAME. This is REAL LIFE GROWNUP STUFF and you have to get the answers to this situation because it has the potential to be REALLY SERIOUS. </p><p> </p><p>Follow your moral compass and don't let the meathead throw you off track.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, climbing down off my soapbox now!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 176003, member: 3444"] In the pre-Lamictal days, the only way I could broach a sensitive subject with husband was when we were on the phone, via e-mail, or some other neutral territory. When it was face to face, he got too defensive which quickly deteriorated into outright hostility. He's not a hitter, but he sure let's you have both barrels with his words and his emotions. I remember one day after a particularly heated exchange, I furiously sobbed to him that as his WIFE, the person he CHOSE as his LIFE PARTNER, I deserved to be treated with LOVE, KINDNESS and RESPECT and he was NOT treating me that way at all. He would never talk to his mother, grandmother, or even his sisters the way he has to me. It shut him up for a few minutes and made him think. With therapy, I learned to detach (with love) and not let myself get sucked into his abusive behavior. I learned to speak my truth and really put my foot down for the boundaries I believe in. He was pretty shook up by that at first, but it got easier and easier for me to do with time. There are some good books out there on verbally abusive relationships that gave me concrete ideas for how to respond to someone like that. You don't deserve it and you don't have to tolerate it. I have to say, though, that the medications have made the biggest difference for husband. Although he tried ADHD medications before, they didn't completely help his anger issues. Only the Lamictal (and Paxil) have done that. He is like a completely different person in that regard. I think if your husband is mad at you, so what. Let him be mad. It's his problem, not yours. It doesn't change a thing about what you're trying to do for your kids. Don't let his emotional instability distract you from doing what you need to do for the rest of your family. So he doesn't like what's happened. That's too bad and it's in the past. All his ranting won't change a thing. What's important is moving forward and making progress. If he's not going to be part of the solution, then solve the problem without him. TELL the investigator what your husband is saying about the situation. That he's being uncooperative and harrassing you over this. Maybe even ask husband what he is trying to hide? To pull emotional blackmail on you by saying he's going to "hate" you until this is all over is just SO JUVENILE, and he sounds like a gradeschool boy pouting on the playground when he doesn't like the way the game is going. This is NOT a GAME. This is REAL LIFE GROWNUP STUFF and you have to get the answers to this situation because it has the potential to be REALLY SERIOUS. Follow your moral compass and don't let the meathead throw you off track. Okay, climbing down off my soapbox now! [/QUOTE]
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