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husband is a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="OpenWindow" data-source="post: 176131" data-attributes="member: 45"><p>Thanks for all your replies. It's so helpful.</p><p></p><p>Andy - I used to say that all the time too, but here I am. husband is very good at apologizing. I'm very well aware that how he treats me at times is deplorable, but I have been able to detach and not take it personally. The only thing it has affected is the relationship between him and me. He never "wins" the arguments and I pretty much have control of all the important decisions. husband is in denial, he has been to some extent since difficult child's first counselor said he had ODD when he was 3 years old. I've come to the conclusion he's never coming out of it.</p><p></p><p>Susie - I've been asking myself those questions for the last few weeks. Usually when there's a blow-up my answers are "no" I don't want to be treated this way, but yes I will stay in the relationship and try. This time, I'm just not so sure. I can't afford a therapist for myself but I have been talking to difficult child's therapist (she's free since difficult child sees her). Not the best situation but she's offered family therapy and we are going to try it.</p><p></p><p>Thanks JoG - it helps so much to know that others understand. It props me up and gives me strength to keep going.</p><p></p><p>Mary - Thanks so much. It's encouraging to know that if I decide to make a break others have been able to crawl out. I'm afraid the months after such a decision would be harder than all the outbursts these last 14 years.</p><p></p><p>gcvmom - thanks for taking the time to give me your personal experiences. My husband isn't a hitter either, and sometimes I wish he was. Hitting is a line I will not allow to be crossed and it would end the relationship abruptly. I know I should feel the same about emotional abuse, but it's just not that easy. I wish husband would try medications. He took some ADHD medications and paxil or prozac about 10 years ago. They all improved things, although he didn't see it. He eventually quit each one claiming they did nothing. He is in "I'll do anything for you" mode right now so I might be able to convince him to see a psychiatrist, but I'm pretty sure by the time he got an appointment and got a medication subscribed, he will not be so accommodating. I guess it's possible though if I make it clear it's either this or he walks. I'm glad your husband has improved. Does he realize the medications have made a change?</p><p></p><p>My husband is now in full-on apology mode. He wants to do everything he can to make it work, and he can't live without me. I am his everything and he can't imagine life without me. He is so sorry and it will never happen again. I'm a little relieved the arguments are over for awhile, but not sure I have what it takes anymore to rebuild the relationship again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OpenWindow, post: 176131, member: 45"] Thanks for all your replies. It's so helpful. Andy - I used to say that all the time too, but here I am. husband is very good at apologizing. I'm very well aware that how he treats me at times is deplorable, but I have been able to detach and not take it personally. The only thing it has affected is the relationship between him and me. He never "wins" the arguments and I pretty much have control of all the important decisions. husband is in denial, he has been to some extent since difficult child's first counselor said he had ODD when he was 3 years old. I've come to the conclusion he's never coming out of it. Susie - I've been asking myself those questions for the last few weeks. Usually when there's a blow-up my answers are "no" I don't want to be treated this way, but yes I will stay in the relationship and try. This time, I'm just not so sure. I can't afford a therapist for myself but I have been talking to difficult child's therapist (she's free since difficult child sees her). Not the best situation but she's offered family therapy and we are going to try it. Thanks JoG - it helps so much to know that others understand. It props me up and gives me strength to keep going. Mary - Thanks so much. It's encouraging to know that if I decide to make a break others have been able to crawl out. I'm afraid the months after such a decision would be harder than all the outbursts these last 14 years. gcvmom - thanks for taking the time to give me your personal experiences. My husband isn't a hitter either, and sometimes I wish he was. Hitting is a line I will not allow to be crossed and it would end the relationship abruptly. I know I should feel the same about emotional abuse, but it's just not that easy. I wish husband would try medications. He took some ADHD medications and paxil or prozac about 10 years ago. They all improved things, although he didn't see it. He eventually quit each one claiming they did nothing. He is in "I'll do anything for you" mode right now so I might be able to convince him to see a psychiatrist, but I'm pretty sure by the time he got an appointment and got a medication subscribed, he will not be so accommodating. I guess it's possible though if I make it clear it's either this or he walks. I'm glad your husband has improved. Does he realize the medications have made a change? My husband is now in full-on apology mode. He wants to do everything he can to make it work, and he can't live without me. I am his everything and he can't imagine life without me. He is so sorry and it will never happen again. I'm a little relieved the arguments are over for awhile, but not sure I have what it takes anymore to rebuild the relationship again. [/QUOTE]
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