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husband lied to me
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<blockquote data-quote="4timmy" data-source="post: 408334" data-attributes="member: 6553"><p>I agree with Star that you have a chance now to establish a commonly understood set of rules with your husband. I admire your strength and conviction in knowing exactly what the boundaries are for you in your relationships with regards to trust. Star is correct in saying that so many of us chalk it up to common sense. I grew up in a very loving home with both parents but had very little rules or boundaries. My parents have been married for over 50 years. I've been married for 20 years now and find myself struggling with some of the same serious issues we talk about here. I still don't have a clue as to what should be acceptable or unacceptable rules in a relationship. I don't believe my husband does either so maybe that's why we are still together. BUT, I'm older now, I've learned from a multitude of mistakes that can be mainly attributed to not having set boundaries, rules, Convictions and beliefs. I'm empty. </p><p></p><p>Just a theory on your situation..... perhaps your husband's need to "run to" his ex is based in insecurity or perception of self-worth. If you are the strong-willed woman that I sense you are from reading your posts here, he may actually feel a little "unworthy" at times. Men are a different breed when it comes to coping with insecurity or feelings of what they perceive to be less of a man. It may be that he just totally disagrees with your opinion and he's just gonna go ahead and do it, but keep things from you because he doesn't want to start a fight ....OR he copes with his insecurities by seeking alternative attention, i.e., the EX, past affairs, etc. or both. When we don't establish rules and boundaries early in our lives, well, obviously we just do what we want and fly by the seat of our pants through life. I don't know what his childhood was like but judging by what you've stated regarding his past discretions, he didn't have many rules and boundaries </p><p></p><p>I send happy thoughts your way and I'll be checking on your posts. Oh, and Star has way convinced me that I need to see a counselor. I absolutely LOVED her post.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="4timmy, post: 408334, member: 6553"] I agree with Star that you have a chance now to establish a commonly understood set of rules with your husband. I admire your strength and conviction in knowing exactly what the boundaries are for you in your relationships with regards to trust. Star is correct in saying that so many of us chalk it up to common sense. I grew up in a very loving home with both parents but had very little rules or boundaries. My parents have been married for over 50 years. I've been married for 20 years now and find myself struggling with some of the same serious issues we talk about here. I still don't have a clue as to what should be acceptable or unacceptable rules in a relationship. I don't believe my husband does either so maybe that's why we are still together. BUT, I'm older now, I've learned from a multitude of mistakes that can be mainly attributed to not having set boundaries, rules, Convictions and beliefs. I'm empty. Just a theory on your situation..... perhaps your husband's need to "run to" his ex is based in insecurity or perception of self-worth. If you are the strong-willed woman that I sense you are from reading your posts here, he may actually feel a little "unworthy" at times. Men are a different breed when it comes to coping with insecurity or feelings of what they perceive to be less of a man. It may be that he just totally disagrees with your opinion and he's just gonna go ahead and do it, but keep things from you because he doesn't want to start a fight ....OR he copes with his insecurities by seeking alternative attention, i.e., the EX, past affairs, etc. or both. When we don't establish rules and boundaries early in our lives, well, obviously we just do what we want and fly by the seat of our pants through life. I don't know what his childhood was like but judging by what you've stated regarding his past discretions, he didn't have many rules and boundaries I send happy thoughts your way and I'll be checking on your posts. Oh, and Star has way convinced me that I need to see a counselor. I absolutely LOVED her post. [/QUOTE]
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