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husband vent....
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 577610" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Oh my sweetie! You also probably could not really face it when you had to just survive! Did he ever physically hurt you? He doesn't sound like a guy who stops at verbals if things dont go his way. You dont need to answer (heck many of us here live in situations where we are hurt by others for many reasons, it is not shameful, okay?) just was thinking that if your kids saw that, it will be another reason to make sure you get in contact with people who really understand the dynamics of domestic abuse. </p><p></p><p>I am scared for you, the fact that HE left is a plus but still, as you say....he may be thinking he is just going to intimidate you into doing as he says then move back. Your taking him up on the offer to be GONE is maybe not truly what he expects. If he is on the spectrum along with his mental health issues, he is going to flip when his plan does not go as he thought it would. That is common even for people like him off the spectrum, (from your description he sounds even more rigid). </p><p></p><p>My aunt (who is nearly my age so more of a sister) lived with a similar situation. He would follow her from room to room and even the light switches had to be pointing a certain way (you know how if you turn one on in one part of the house and then walk and turn the next one to get it off....he had an off side and an on side, uggg....shoes in a special spot, cleaning just so, and he would have special dinners with HIS family and her oldest---his step son who lived there full time---had to go in the basement to his room to leave them all alone) my aunt is sooooo much better without him. She is now going for her MBA! His kids do go to him but only a few days here and there and they do ok. They are older so it was not as much a worry because they could take him down easily.</p><p></p><p>I think it would be good to have your cell on you at all times. Make sure there is a 911 emergency dialer when the phone is locked so you can do a one touch button. Put all the settings on silent (silent touch tone, etc) so if you have to sneak and call you can.</p><p></p><p>Call the 911 operator and see if you can register your cell number to your address (make sure the gps settings are to allow 911 to find the phone too). </p><p></p><p>I did all of this even with my son because if he ever goes into a true rage where I can't control it I have my phone on me and can just reach in my picket and hit that button.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can get all the utilities etc. straightened out. We have cold weather rules here so if you have that, (are you in a cold place?) you may be able to ask for that protection then even if he doesn't pay they wont cut you off till you get things straightened out.</p><p></p><p>I also agree that from now on he needs to meet you in public. If he comes to your home, maybe have it prearranged that your neighbors know each time and if he shows up suddenly, have your neighbor on auto dial so you can clue them in.</p><p></p><p>I love that they know about you. I had wonderfully supportive neighbors too who loved Q and helped me when he went off, they helped him too. It sure made a big difference.</p><p></p><p>You probably have thought of all of these things and I am sure there are people who have many more ideas. It would be ideal if you could have a security system, even if it is one of those beepers from the hardware store, HE wont know it isn't attached to 911.</p><p></p><p>Do your kids know not to go off with him without your telling them? Maybe do the code word idea. Each time there is truly an arranged visit, if he were to drive by or go to school to pick them up, they have to use the code word to prove that it is planned. Tell dad it is just a safety thing you have taught them for stranger danger or whatever.....but if he doesn't know the word from you then it is suspect that he is just coming to get them out of the blue to do whatever. </p><p></p><p>Chances are he will just get mad but one never knows. Only you know what level of danger he has shown in the past and this could be the straw as they say. </p><p></p><p>Please keep in touch here, I sure do care and really want the best for you and your children. </p><p></p><p>Blessings, Dee</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 577610, member: 12886"] Oh my sweetie! You also probably could not really face it when you had to just survive! Did he ever physically hurt you? He doesn't sound like a guy who stops at verbals if things dont go his way. You dont need to answer (heck many of us here live in situations where we are hurt by others for many reasons, it is not shameful, okay?) just was thinking that if your kids saw that, it will be another reason to make sure you get in contact with people who really understand the dynamics of domestic abuse. I am scared for you, the fact that HE left is a plus but still, as you say....he may be thinking he is just going to intimidate you into doing as he says then move back. Your taking him up on the offer to be GONE is maybe not truly what he expects. If he is on the spectrum along with his mental health issues, he is going to flip when his plan does not go as he thought it would. That is common even for people like him off the spectrum, (from your description he sounds even more rigid). My aunt (who is nearly my age so more of a sister) lived with a similar situation. He would follow her from room to room and even the light switches had to be pointing a certain way (you know how if you turn one on in one part of the house and then walk and turn the next one to get it off....he had an off side and an on side, uggg....shoes in a special spot, cleaning just so, and he would have special dinners with HIS family and her oldest---his step son who lived there full time---had to go in the basement to his room to leave them all alone) my aunt is sooooo much better without him. She is now going for her MBA! His kids do go to him but only a few days here and there and they do ok. They are older so it was not as much a worry because they could take him down easily. I think it would be good to have your cell on you at all times. Make sure there is a 911 emergency dialer when the phone is locked so you can do a one touch button. Put all the settings on silent (silent touch tone, etc) so if you have to sneak and call you can. Call the 911 operator and see if you can register your cell number to your address (make sure the gps settings are to allow 911 to find the phone too). I did all of this even with my son because if he ever goes into a true rage where I can't control it I have my phone on me and can just reach in my picket and hit that button. I hope you can get all the utilities etc. straightened out. We have cold weather rules here so if you have that, (are you in a cold place?) you may be able to ask for that protection then even if he doesn't pay they wont cut you off till you get things straightened out. I also agree that from now on he needs to meet you in public. If he comes to your home, maybe have it prearranged that your neighbors know each time and if he shows up suddenly, have your neighbor on auto dial so you can clue them in. I love that they know about you. I had wonderfully supportive neighbors too who loved Q and helped me when he went off, they helped him too. It sure made a big difference. You probably have thought of all of these things and I am sure there are people who have many more ideas. It would be ideal if you could have a security system, even if it is one of those beepers from the hardware store, HE wont know it isn't attached to 911. Do your kids know not to go off with him without your telling them? Maybe do the code word idea. Each time there is truly an arranged visit, if he were to drive by or go to school to pick them up, they have to use the code word to prove that it is planned. Tell dad it is just a safety thing you have taught them for stranger danger or whatever.....but if he doesn't know the word from you then it is suspect that he is just coming to get them out of the blue to do whatever. Chances are he will just get mad but one never knows. Only you know what level of danger he has shown in the past and this could be the straw as they say. Please keep in touch here, I sure do care and really want the best for you and your children. Blessings, Dee [/QUOTE]
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