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Substance Abuse
I am being an ostrich
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 549353" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I don't know, I have a different perspective. I'm in a therapist run Codependency group in a large HMO Substance Abuse program. I've attended many educational classes and listened to a number of therapists talk and from what I can gather, what you are doing is exactly what they instruct folks to do. It sounds to me as if you've already told him your feelings in the past and that didn't work, he didn't or wouldn't hear you. Your opinions are not what he wants to hear and so you made a choice to keep them to yourself. I don't think you're being an ostrich or you're doing what got you in this situation. He got himself into the situation. Perhaps initially, you didn't want to believe what was going on, but now you know what is going on and you're choosing to stop offering opinions that fall on deaf ears. </p><p></p><p>It seems to me that what you've done is stop enabling, stop giving when what you are giving is not wanted or appreciated. I believe what you're doing is accepting the situation and allowing him to make his own choices, no matter how absurd they appear to you. And, in doing so, you give him the space to show up with you. Perhaps, over time, he'll be able to make better choices as he experiences the consequences of his behaviors and in the meantime, you've opened the door for him to be able to talk to you and be with the family. I know I'm on the outside looking in here, you're right there in the battle, but from where I sit, you're doing a really good job.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 549353, member: 13542"] I don't know, I have a different perspective. I'm in a therapist run Codependency group in a large HMO Substance Abuse program. I've attended many educational classes and listened to a number of therapists talk and from what I can gather, what you are doing is exactly what they instruct folks to do. It sounds to me as if you've already told him your feelings in the past and that didn't work, he didn't or wouldn't hear you. Your opinions are not what he wants to hear and so you made a choice to keep them to yourself. I don't think you're being an ostrich or you're doing what got you in this situation. He got himself into the situation. Perhaps initially, you didn't want to believe what was going on, but now you know what is going on and you're choosing to stop offering opinions that fall on deaf ears. It seems to me that what you've done is stop enabling, stop giving when what you are giving is not wanted or appreciated. I believe what you're doing is accepting the situation and allowing him to make his own choices, no matter how absurd they appear to you. And, in doing so, you give him the space to show up with you. Perhaps, over time, he'll be able to make better choices as he experiences the consequences of his behaviors and in the meantime, you've opened the door for him to be able to talk to you and be with the family. I know I'm on the outside looking in here, you're right there in the battle, but from where I sit, you're doing a really good job. [/QUOTE]
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I am being an ostrich
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