I am feeling so disspointed today can I ever do it

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AK0603, May 16, 2007.

  1. AK0603

    AK0603 New Member

    RIGHT? I know most of you know me about having such termoil about allowing my son move to Indiana with his father, in hopes of a new stable enviornment would help his behavior issues. WE are to move there in June. I have a house already, our house is 1/2 packed already, but my sitter just canned us. So I have no sitters to watch the little ones for the days I will be working.

    Now I sit here with very very little money, packing all my stuff up, trying to pay gas to get everything from here to there, which is big time bucks, then move there, set up electricity, cable, and whatever, find a daycare, enroll in schools, and find jobs for both me and husband.

    I sit here in the midst of the info given to me and I just wished I would have dealt with what was happening at home longer. AT that time I really feel it was the best for him, and I know it is, he's not doing super here with- me, step dad, brother, sister, new baby.....he needs more. But there is a part of me that says, well insead of devoting all this energy into moving, finding childcare, jobs, interviews, packing, all of it, I could have given him more attention and maybe he wouldn't need to be there anyways?????

    But I know that isn't true....I know he's doing better there for now, but it's so hard to move there to be there just for him, and uproot all of us, to a house that has no jobs, no sitters, but tons of family and friends.

    I am just so scared and when I get scared I have learned myself enough to know I want to fall back on bad decisions because they are easier rather then stressful. If my baby boy wasn't in Indiana now, I would say just forget it, we can stay and deal for one more year in NY. But with him in Indiana, I just can't not see him. He'll be here on June 13 but by then it will have been 9+ weeks since I've seen him and I have a whole in my heart, a big big hole.

    I hope this isn't rambling on too much, I've put myself into a panic attack about 40 minutes ago and had to take a Xanax and I feel a little loopy now, but always feel better after I type on here for some support.

    Thanks for listening all.
  2. AK0603

    AK0603 New Member

    I wanted to add a picture but I can't get it to work.

  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hang in there. Don't look back or second guess your decisions, it will drive you crazy. You did what was best for difficult child, and the rest of your family.
    I have plenty of days when I question my decisions, should we have left Indiana? Can we afford to stay here, should we when the health care and therapies suck? Is it fair to the kids?

    I think most of us can beat oursleves up on a lot of days. So please don't, you did what you had to. Things will be a struggle and lots of changes... but you will get through this!!!

    Big hugs, take care of yourself
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    You searched your heart and soul before making the decision for difficult child to live with his dad. This was a decision made out of love for your child. Please try to remind yourself of that when you start to beat yourself up.


    I wanted to add that I completely understand what you're saying about wanting to fall back on "bad" decisions because they're easier. I know how hard this has been for you. You're a great mom.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Don't worry about finding a babysitter - there has to be at least one somewhere in Indiana! Local high schools can be a good start.

    About adding pictures - from what I recall, we can add links to pictures here, but not pictures. otherwise we'd flood the site with pictures of all our difficult children doing cute stuff!

  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs to you and don't beat yourself up over what was a avery difficult decision to make-you did what you needed to do.
  7. oceans

    oceans New Member

    Moving is difficult, but in time you will feel at home. You will find jobs and everything will fall into place. You are doing what you have wanted to do for some time now, and it must have felt right to make the original decision. It will work out fine, and you will be so glad when you can see your boy more often and be there for him when he needs support.

    Has he ever tried the mood stabilizer?
  8. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Tons of family and friends is a very good start for a move...Many people move with no connections.... Since your difficult child is already here his school should be already in the works...So knock off your problems one at a time, take the move apart and work in smaller sections, one at a time until you can handle it in smaller parts.

    You know the cost of living is probably cheaper here in Indiana...don't know where in Indiana that you are moving, but there is usually affordable housing available and with family connections here I would think you could get that ball rolling. The decision has been made to move, don't second guess it. You have thought this out...You can't predict if this will change difficult child or not, frankly that is something that you will never know...

    Try not to look back and rehash what you "could" have done, it really doesn't matter. What matters is what you do each day to move ahead with your family...YOU CAN DO THIS! Nobody says you have to do this alone either...know when to ask for help....</span>

    :flower: :thumbsup:
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Ditto what has already been said.

    The past cannot be changed. You are moving forward. And that can often be a scary thing. In my experience, when venturing into the unknown or uncomfortable, it is often easier to just say "ah forget it" and go back to the way things were. But then things get stagnant. Change is very scary because we are creatures of comfort. I applaud you for making that change.

    Try to think of all the good that will come of it, not just for difficult child but for you as well. It will be a fresh start.
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    It took me a long time to realize that in order to be a good parent to my difficult child, I needed to let go of what I needed and focus on what would be good for him---and what was good for him was always painful for me. Parenting a difficult child is not easy. Letting him go to live with his dad in order to recieve the help he needs is not a selfish act----let go of the guilt. Hugs to you.
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    it is so easy to get scared and rethink decisions. I know I sometimes do that too. it drives me nuts. instead, go from this point on without looking back. tell yourself you made the right decision after much thought. do not go back just cause you know the monster and are comfortable with it. the unknown is scarey but can be good too.

    go forward! chargeeeeeee--------