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I am not sure I can cope with much more of this...daughter issues
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630589" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm so sorry your daughter has done this to you. My son whom we adopted at age six did something similar to us and he is not a drug user. Sometimes our adult children have personality disorders, such as antisocial, narcissistic, and borderline and reality to them can be skewed. In their minds, the world screwed them and we are #1 on their lists and reality doesn't matter. Many adults with personality disorders also substance abuse, which make it doubly awful. At any rate, you KNOW your reality and hers. If she told you, with gusto, that you have red hair and she hates red hair and your hair is black, would it bother you or puzzle you? It's the same thing. She is insisting things happened that didn't. That is called gaslighting. It is an attempt to make YOU think that YOUR memories are wrong and that you are a horrible person. My son told his wife I made him pay for everything, even household bills, even as a child (shrug). What do you do with that sort of lie? She believes it. I haven't seen him for six or seven years. If that is his personality now then I don't need him in my life. I'm afraid to have him in my life. There is a line anyone can cross and for me he crossed this line. </p><p></p><p>Often these adult kids bring out their top ammo after we have refused to give them money. THAT makes them go ballistic. Or if we set a reasonable boundary. </p><p></p><p>Funny, none of my other kids remember this supposed abuse of making a little boy, who had no money, pay all of our household bills. Do your other children, your spouse, your other family and friends remember what your daughter said you did? Of course not. You didn't do them.</p><p></p><p>At some point in time, and I say this with sadness, in order for us to live peacefully and in happiness we may have to let go of somebody we love very much, and often it is because of either extreme drug abuse or a personality disorder, which is only treatable if the person acknowledges the problem and wants to change. Most people with personality disorders think it is everyone else's fault and have no interest in changing. I think a large percentage of our difficult children here have secondary personality disorders. This isn't true of all of them, but your daughter may be one.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, I feel you are making a decision of survival. This is a stranger, like my son turned into a stranger. A cold-hearted, mean stranger who wants to hurt you and me.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can find some peace with your decision. It took me some therapy, but I am now good with his decision to leave our family. I would not know what to say to him if he came back since he was so vile last time we spoke and since he would not come back except to gloat and puff up his chest and tell us what we are doing wrong and what we did wrong. I like my family the way it is now. I hope you seek therapy while you go through this.</p><p></p><p>We are here for you. We are on call 24/7 and 365 days a year. Hugs for your poor hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630589, member: 1550"] I'm so sorry your daughter has done this to you. My son whom we adopted at age six did something similar to us and he is not a drug user. Sometimes our adult children have personality disorders, such as antisocial, narcissistic, and borderline and reality to them can be skewed. In their minds, the world screwed them and we are #1 on their lists and reality doesn't matter. Many adults with personality disorders also substance abuse, which make it doubly awful. At any rate, you KNOW your reality and hers. If she told you, with gusto, that you have red hair and she hates red hair and your hair is black, would it bother you or puzzle you? It's the same thing. She is insisting things happened that didn't. That is called gaslighting. It is an attempt to make YOU think that YOUR memories are wrong and that you are a horrible person. My son told his wife I made him pay for everything, even household bills, even as a child (shrug). What do you do with that sort of lie? She believes it. I haven't seen him for six or seven years. If that is his personality now then I don't need him in my life. I'm afraid to have him in my life. There is a line anyone can cross and for me he crossed this line. Often these adult kids bring out their top ammo after we have refused to give them money. THAT makes them go ballistic. Or if we set a reasonable boundary. Funny, none of my other kids remember this supposed abuse of making a little boy, who had no money, pay all of our household bills. Do your other children, your spouse, your other family and friends remember what your daughter said you did? Of course not. You didn't do them. At some point in time, and I say this with sadness, in order for us to live peacefully and in happiness we may have to let go of somebody we love very much, and often it is because of either extreme drug abuse or a personality disorder, which is only treatable if the person acknowledges the problem and wants to change. Most people with personality disorders think it is everyone else's fault and have no interest in changing. I think a large percentage of our difficult children here have secondary personality disorders. This isn't true of all of them, but your daughter may be one. At any rate, I feel you are making a decision of survival. This is a stranger, like my son turned into a stranger. A cold-hearted, mean stranger who wants to hurt you and me. I hope you can find some peace with your decision. It took me some therapy, but I am now good with his decision to leave our family. I would not know what to say to him if he came back since he was so vile last time we spoke and since he would not come back except to gloat and puff up his chest and tell us what we are doing wrong and what we did wrong. I like my family the way it is now. I hope you seek therapy while you go through this. We are here for you. We are on call 24/7 and 365 days a year. Hugs for your poor hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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I am not sure I can cope with much more of this...daughter issues
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