I am so sad and angry at the same time!

[lovemysons]

Today I texted with oldest grandson and middle granddaughter.

Middle granddaughter tells me she doesn’t want to go through a custody battle only to possibly lose. She said her mom can become irrational and attack the person not the problem. She said when she turns 18 she will go no contact with her mother and leave for good.

I talked to my oldest grandson just a short while ago. He is backing out too. He said he will just wait till mom messes up again and maybe gets caught next time.

I am so angry at CPS…child protective services in Texas. The kids had a chance at a brand new life with us. Structure, a bedtime, their own bedrooms, opportunities in real school, counseling, psychiatric medication if needed, mentoring, good examples, and most of all love.

Love by my husband’s and my definition and by the God we believe in, is sacrificial to self, beneficial to others. Their mom knows no sacrifice. The kids are cash cows to her. She collects social security on our 3 from their fathers death plus child support for another child she had while married to our son and she was trying to get social security on yet another child she had while married to our son, who’s father also died.

She told oldest grandson 6 months ago that she relapsed on Meth because she was sad and that if they told anyone she would kill herself. This is the kind of mom she is. No regard for her children’s emotional wellbeing.
She told the police that oldest grandson hit her and had him taken to jail. When he did nothing of the sort and she then apologized to him later for lying. But the damage was done.

CPS tested her for drugs long after the investigation started. Why did they wait so long??? And why can’t they require her to get my grandchildren counseling when oldest grandson in the interview with CPS told them he thought about suicide and had even thought of a way…by an overdose.
Still they do nothing. They tell me their investigation is over and that they can’t force counseling only recommend.

Life isn’t fair. I know this. But my heart hurts so badly for my grandchildren tonight.
I am so angry at the system too designed to help children in crisis. And clearly my grandchildren are in crisis.

Remember middle granddaughters poem…

I am just a pawn in their game just a mere piece under their control fighting to save myself from the impending doom that's bound to crush me one day or another. Their tactics are no more than mere manipulation so nobody else can predict their next move and what they are to do. I am a pawn. A pawn that is used to keep all the others safe so they don't get crushed underneath the pressure that burns like liquid flames going down your throat only to burn the inside of you so anybody on the outside is oblivious to the havoc that's wrecking the inside. I'm a pawn one that has lost all hope being pinned into a corner with no escape, and nobody to stand behind me to back up the position I'm in. I am a pawn.

And she is right…nobody with authority stood behind her to back up the position she is in.

Sometimes I just hate life.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

My husband works similar cases here in Florida and it’s so unfair to grandparents trying their best for the grandchildren. Its seems here as well the system is not designed to give true help, just causes more pain and hurt. I applaud you for giving it all that you have even though you are not seeing the results you hope for. Will lift all of you up in my prayers. Big hugs!

 

[lovemysons]

Thank you for the prayers Anewlife4me. I appreciate that so much!

Hugs,
LMS

 

[Copabanana]

She told the police that oldest grandson hit her and had him taken to jail. When he did nothing of the sort and she then apologized to him later for lying. But the damage was done.

This is beyond horrible.

There is one thing I know. I survived as a child only because of my grandmother, and to a lesser extent my grandfather. They were the pillars of good in my life. My parents were inadequate, self-serving, selfish, shallow, mean, entitled, and morally bankrupt. It took me 10 years to get over my mother's death, not because I missed her, but because I had to face the hole in my heart that a mother should have filled, but did not. This was a blessing because only G-d can heal hearts with holes, this I know now.

And then when I became an adult I was able to do for myself. Had my grandmother not loved me as she did, I would be a sad, lonely, forgotten person. And I am none of those things now. I have had a worthwhile life. And I am nothing like my parents. But I am a whole lot like my grandmother. And I was a lot like your grandchildren.

Having just one person to love you is enough. One person. You and your husband have always been there for your grandchildren. The children know this. Knowing you are there and how much you love them, is enough. But the thing is, they had their father too. No matter where Jarod was, I can't help but believe the children were able to hold onto his love and they hold onto him now.

 

[lovemysons]

Thank you Copa.

This is all started months ago when I got my grandchildren to be honest with me and tell me if they were in school or not.
I found out from my granddaughter that they were not enrolled this past year and that oldest grandson hasn’t been in school for years. In fact he is 16 and can barely do 3rd grade division and no multiplication in his head. We know this because my husband downloaded some worksheets for him to do on one of his recent last visits.

So my grandchildren and I really started talking about their futures. Missing out on an education and sitting in their rooms all day everyday doing nothing. And also needing counseling from all they’ve gone through with their mom and then their father’s death.

We talked and they decided they would like to live with my husband and I and go to school, get counseling, have opportunities to really start living with goals and a future in mind.
So we decided I would have a conversation with their mother about them living with us.

I called mom on the phone and told her we need to have a serious discussion about the kids and their futures. I told her all of my concerns and asked if the two oldest could live with us. She said, “ Not going to happen!” And hung up.

I texted my grandson about what she said and grandson said, “Then I will get emancipated.”

He then told his mom he wanted to get emancipated and she said, “Alright bro!” (Who talks to their child like this?)
She went towards him and he got scared and locked his bedroom door. I called him and he said, “Call the police.”

I called the police and they came to their grandma’s house (the mom’s mom).
My grandson went outside to tell them what happened and that he was afraid of his mom.
Then the police asked grandson’s mom to come out. That is when she lied and told the police that grandson just hit her 3 times. The police handcuffed my grandson and took him to jail. Mom did not press charges and when questioned over and over by police my grandson stuck by his story.
Grandson was then released to my mom’s house for a few days. While there he was interviewed by CPS and told them he had thought about suicide and even a way to do it. An overdose.
So this is when the CPS investigation started.

Unfortunately after a few days grandson returned home where his mom was. Grandson told me that mom had said she relapsed 4 months prior on Meth because she was sad but that if the kids told anyone she would kill herself. None of my grandchildren told CPS about mom’s drug use in their interviews because they were afraid for their mom’s safety.

CPS did do a drug test on mom but it was long after the investigation started. So she probably had time to get it out of her system.

Now CPS has closed their case and is not removing my grandchildren from the situation. They even say they can only suggest counseling for mom and the kids but can’t force it. They were useless. The system failed my grandchildren.

Copa I hope that my husband and I will be allowed to see our grandchildren again sometime soon but I doubt it.
Mom blames me for everything.
Now I can only text my grandchildren.

Middle granddaughter says mom gets irrational and attacks the person not the problem. She is afraid now to go to court for my husband and I to fight for custody. She is concerned that if we lose she still has to go home and face mom.

Grandson says he will just wait till the next time mom messes up and maybe gets caught and finally has repercussions.

I started that GoFundMe me page a few days ago in an effort to raise the $8,500 retainer fee for the family law firm lawyers and take mom to court. But now neither of my oldest grandchildren want to go to court. I will have gofund me refund the money that has been donated so far. I also shut down the page and have asked our Deni to get rid of the links on our board.

As an aside…I think my relationship with my own mother is irretrievably broken. She did not want to contribute anything to help fight for the kids and she can afford it.
I am still reeling over the fact that she was on vacation a few years ago when my son on the streets out of desperation called my mother for $50 and she said No! He had never called her and asked for money before. This was the last phone call he ever made to his grandmother.

Then a month before Jarod died I asked my mom if she would drive with me to California to pickup Jarod. I told her I would pay for everything. I even told her I think he’s close to death. She told me in response that he was no better off in a bedroom in our home than out on the streets and that she would not go.

I am beyond angry at my mom.
Like your mom was Copa, mine is extremely selfish and is only out for a good time in her life. She will tell you what YOU should do all day long while never lifting a finger herself.
She also neglected me most of my childhood while she partied and moved us around the country all the time. I had no stability and no stable friends growing up. I was always the new kid.

Like you I had an absent parent in my bio dad. I met him when I was 16 after my mom and he had divorced and we moved when I was 2 years old. He was a very self centered alcoholic. Couldn’t even give my an apology. Only blamed my mom for our estrangement.
When he died 10 years or so ago I also had that hole in my heart for what he could never give me. I mourned what never was.

Interestingly enough the month before my bio dad died my half sister who I barely know, asked me to come to his hospital bedside. I did. The only thing I asked for from him was a letter, a note a card, anything with his writing to me. I never got it.

This is why Jarod the grandchildren’s father, my son, had decided a few years before he died to write each of his children a letter so they would know how much he loved them always no matter what. So they would have some part of him in their possession because I never got that from my own bio dad and Jarod didn’t want to be remembered like my bio dad.

So that’s where things stand now.
Still praying. Seems that’s all I really ever can do.

 

[ksm]

Heart breaking.... i have no words.

Ksm

 

[Copabanana]

Heartbreaking. I am so very, very sad for the children and for you, lms.
I am sickened by what their mother did to your grandson.

lms. We don't know what will come next. Neither good nor bad. That's why prayer is the only thing that helps us. Your grandchildren are very smart and capable. They're really miracles. I believe in good. The end of this story has not been written.

 

[lovemysons]

Copa…

Thank you for the reassurance that the end of this story has not been written. I need that. My grandchildren need that. Some kind of hope for a better day in our lives.

And yes my grandchildren are very smart and capable, especially granddaughter. She has 4 years left till she is 18. I pray she can hold onto all that is good within her and survive this life her mother has given her intact.

Thanks everyone for caring so much about my grandchildren. Drugs have definitely played a huge role in their lives and so far none of them seem inclined to want to ever experiment with them when they are older.
I pray this continues to be the case.

Love y’all
LMS

 

[Copabanana]

Thank you for the reassurance that the end of this story has not been written. I need that.

I believe we write our stories anew every day with G-d.