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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 124824" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>There are various reasons but this sounds like a combination of control and lack of concern/consideration. Laziness. He's too busy playing games to whatever to stop what he's doing and go to the toilet. Besides, this is working for him (from his point of view). Apart from being nagged at by an unreasonable mother. But the nagging does stop when she gets too tired and in the mornings he can always go back to doing things how he wants; parents these days just don't have the staying power. (as I said - HIS point of view).</p><p></p><p>I fully endorse making him clean himself up. You don't need to make this a punishment - this is something he simply has to learn to do, since this clearly is how he has chosen t live his life. If he is ever going to live independently, he has to learn self-care; and part of self-care is cleaning up after yourself. Putting toys back in the toybox. Putting dirty clothes in the hamper. Living in harmony with others. And if that means he has to learn to hand-wash his own things because it's too offensive to put them in with other people's - then so be it. He's old enough to learn.</p><p></p><p>Of course you can streamline things for him - a bucket with a plunger of some sorts; a supply of disposable gloves; the necessary detergents; his own personal supplies of things like wipes; extra supplies of towels, face-washers and spare undies (or disposable undies) - that sort of thing.</p><p></p><p>When the toilet blocks, an alternative to trying to force it all down (although a full bucket of water suddenly dumped into the toilet bowl can help there) is to put on a disposable glove or get a freezer bag, put your hand (or his hand) inside the glove or bag, pick up the offending piece of excreta and turn the bag/glove inside out over it. Hands don't have to touch it. I admit - I've actually weighed such items on my kitchen scales (hey, it's sealed inside plastic, the scales stay spotless and uncontaminated) and then telling the doctor just how big was the offending item, sometimes without specific numbers the doctors don't believe us. I think our record was 900 g. That's about 2 lb.</p><p></p><p>Think about it - when the kid was small you probably had a nappy bucket in the laundry, with all the supplies you needed. Now you still need supplies - just different ones, for a different reason.</p><p></p><p>Part of this is acceptance that this is his choice and you are not going to try to change him. However, you are not going to let him ruin your life with it. He has to fix up the 'edges' of where his life and habits meet up with other people's. He has to make the adjustment. And part of that adjustment means not leaving stains on other people's furniture, not making more work for other people just because HE chooses to be encopretic. He has to adapt to his own consequences.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 (now past encopresis) is smelly - he won't change his clothes. I bought him some new shirts so he hasn't got the excuse of "I have only got one black shirt". A couple of years ago I used to raid his room when he was out, and wash everything I could lay my hands on. He complained when I washed his pyjamas that I had washed the smell out.</p><p></p><p>He had a really bad smelly shirt on the weekend - my trick for deodorising it would also work on faecal smells - vinegar. You splash the clothing with vinegar, then soak the item in enzyme detergent in lukewarm water. I then hand-washed it, rather than put one shirt through the washing machine. I put it through several rinses and then through a dryer - no smell. I've used this technique to deodorise some really appallingly soiled clothing and it works. Clothing that I was told to throw away if I didn't want to try to clean it - I got it clean.</p><p></p><p>Next time difficult child 1 is doing his own clothing, if he lets it get this bad, but he currently DOES have a change of clothing so he shouldn't let it get that bad.</p><p></p><p>With difficult child 1, it's laziness - he just doesn't think, he's too busy to go change now, he feels comfortable with his familiar smells.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one. And congratulations on cracking - I think you needed to. He has to learn that HE has to fit in with YOU, not you be bound by HIS bad habits.</p><p></p><p>There are limits and I think he's gone way over them.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 124824, member: 1991"] There are various reasons but this sounds like a combination of control and lack of concern/consideration. Laziness. He's too busy playing games to whatever to stop what he's doing and go to the toilet. Besides, this is working for him (from his point of view). Apart from being nagged at by an unreasonable mother. But the nagging does stop when she gets too tired and in the mornings he can always go back to doing things how he wants; parents these days just don't have the staying power. (as I said - HIS point of view). I fully endorse making him clean himself up. You don't need to make this a punishment - this is something he simply has to learn to do, since this clearly is how he has chosen t live his life. If he is ever going to live independently, he has to learn self-care; and part of self-care is cleaning up after yourself. Putting toys back in the toybox. Putting dirty clothes in the hamper. Living in harmony with others. And if that means he has to learn to hand-wash his own things because it's too offensive to put them in with other people's - then so be it. He's old enough to learn. Of course you can streamline things for him - a bucket with a plunger of some sorts; a supply of disposable gloves; the necessary detergents; his own personal supplies of things like wipes; extra supplies of towels, face-washers and spare undies (or disposable undies) - that sort of thing. When the toilet blocks, an alternative to trying to force it all down (although a full bucket of water suddenly dumped into the toilet bowl can help there) is to put on a disposable glove or get a freezer bag, put your hand (or his hand) inside the glove or bag, pick up the offending piece of excreta and turn the bag/glove inside out over it. Hands don't have to touch it. I admit - I've actually weighed such items on my kitchen scales (hey, it's sealed inside plastic, the scales stay spotless and uncontaminated) and then telling the doctor just how big was the offending item, sometimes without specific numbers the doctors don't believe us. I think our record was 900 g. That's about 2 lb. Think about it - when the kid was small you probably had a nappy bucket in the laundry, with all the supplies you needed. Now you still need supplies - just different ones, for a different reason. Part of this is acceptance that this is his choice and you are not going to try to change him. However, you are not going to let him ruin your life with it. He has to fix up the 'edges' of where his life and habits meet up with other people's. He has to make the adjustment. And part of that adjustment means not leaving stains on other people's furniture, not making more work for other people just because HE chooses to be encopretic. He has to adapt to his own consequences. difficult child 1 (now past encopresis) is smelly - he won't change his clothes. I bought him some new shirts so he hasn't got the excuse of "I have only got one black shirt". A couple of years ago I used to raid his room when he was out, and wash everything I could lay my hands on. He complained when I washed his pyjamas that I had washed the smell out. He had a really bad smelly shirt on the weekend - my trick for deodorising it would also work on faecal smells - vinegar. You splash the clothing with vinegar, then soak the item in enzyme detergent in lukewarm water. I then hand-washed it, rather than put one shirt through the washing machine. I put it through several rinses and then through a dryer - no smell. I've used this technique to deodorise some really appallingly soiled clothing and it works. Clothing that I was told to throw away if I didn't want to try to clean it - I got it clean. Next time difficult child 1 is doing his own clothing, if he lets it get this bad, but he currently DOES have a change of clothing so he shouldn't let it get that bad. With difficult child 1, it's laziness - he just doesn't think, he's too busy to go change now, he feels comfortable with his familiar smells. Good luck with this one. And congratulations on cracking - I think you needed to. He has to learn that HE has to fit in with YOU, not you be bound by HIS bad habits. There are limits and I think he's gone way over them. Marg [/QUOTE]
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