Seriously the older I get the dumber I get. My memory is shot to hell, which I partly blame on all these bipolar medications, but I'm sure part of it is middle age too. It's not just my memory. I am seriously feeling disoriented and just plain stupid half the time. Lately I have been asking the dumbest questions at work. Stuff I should already know the answers to, especially after being here almost eight years. Today I asked a lame question to the counseling secretary, who was literally dumbfounded at why I should be asking the question in the first place. When she told me the answer, I was like, "Duh, I totally should have known that. Excuse me for asking." The woman had the most perplexing look on her face because she wasn't quite sure why I was confused. Last week I made an even dumber mistake. My coworker from the attendance department and I were still making our phone calls to all the kids who were marked absent and possibly no shows for the year. One of them was marked absent in the computer from several classes but I discovered she was in our fourth period class as a student helper, so I knew she was indeed attending our school this year. I had actually seen her. She just had a schedule change and was mistakenly marked absent. I had an extensive talk about it with my supervisor. I told her I needed to tell her in class the next day that she needed to clear her absences with the counselor. The very next morning, I completely forget our whole conversation. I never crossed my student off the list of phone calls to make. So I pick up the phone and leave a message on her parent's voicemail about her being marked absent, and to have them please call the school to verify if she will still be attending our school or if she has moved and is going to another school. My supervisor overheard me leaving the message. She got upset at me and reminded me this girl I called about was our student helper and we already knew she was here. Another totally "duh" moment for me. My supervisor treated me like I was the dumbest person on this planet. I am quite sure I was blushing. Then yesterday I asked her where certain forms were, and they were right where they are supposed to be and I have no idea why I even asked her in the first place. I am starting to feel incompetent. A few months ago my doctor prescribed me a medication called Namenda for Alzheimer's patients to see if it would help with my memory problems but it didn't do anything. This year seems to be even worse than last year. I don't know if it's my older age or what my deal is. I have 20 more working years till I retire. I honestly don't see myself making it that long. While my kids are teenagers and I still need to support them, I have no choice but to keep working. Disability wouldn't even pay my rent much less anything else. But I'm starting to think that I may need to stop working after they are grown and out of the house. I can't see myself retiring at the age of 62 like my mom did. Right now I feel like I'm struggling and I just feel stupid and incompetent. Oh and I forgot to mention the daily anxiety at work that medications aren't helping. Ugh!