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Parent Emeritus
I don't know what I am doing...is it right?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 442333" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think the others all have good points. Esp Star and what NOT to talk about. Personally? He would have a job before he lived with me and had any electronic anything. I would lock them up and he would be OUT of my house the hours I am at work unless he had a job and worked full time nights or evening. I would let him come home maybe before he finds a job, but NOT to what he had before.</p><p></p><p>You are legally required to provide shelter, food, clothing, a mattress (on the floor is find), pillow, sheets/blanket, a light in the room (ceiling light is fine). Clothing should be what you can find for cheap - NOT whatever he wants. Food? What will fill his belly NOT what he wants to eat.</p><p></p><p>Go into his room and strip everything else out. leave an alarm clock. He wants music? Get a job and buy a radio. Want a computer and the internet? GO buy a computer - and you will have to prove you got the money legally and you pay for the internet service. No job? I don't care if you bought the computer - it won't live in your room in MY HOUSE. You don't do chores> You don't eat anything but beans and rice (or noodles if he likes rice). You disrespect me? YOu get your own place to live. You refuse to go to therapy and/or take the medications the docs rx? You don't live here.</p><p></p><p>Get him into a MALE therapist. Get him a mentor. Write out the rules, present them to him, and let him know that you have stripped his room. IF he wants his nice clothes, the food you usually provide, the computer/tv/internet/radio/mp3 player/whatever? He follows each and every single rule to the letter, does EVERY chore the way you want it done, and he is RESPECTFUL and compliant with therapy. YOU make sure the therapist is sane and good - go see him first and go to a session every few weeks. </p><p></p><p>Above all - he works for a GED and has a full time job or starts a business mowing lawns iwth a push mower or dog walking or whatever. He saves money to get an education.</p><p></p><p>Your girlfriend is good in encouraging you to make some demands on him and not placate and treat him like a princeling. But other than encouraging you to do what you say, follow through always and NOT feel sorry for him, she needs to BUTT OUT. It isn't her son or her home. And it isn't her business. Let her raise her own kids and dealw ith her own home and business.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 442333, member: 1233"] I think the others all have good points. Esp Star and what NOT to talk about. Personally? He would have a job before he lived with me and had any electronic anything. I would lock them up and he would be OUT of my house the hours I am at work unless he had a job and worked full time nights or evening. I would let him come home maybe before he finds a job, but NOT to what he had before. You are legally required to provide shelter, food, clothing, a mattress (on the floor is find), pillow, sheets/blanket, a light in the room (ceiling light is fine). Clothing should be what you can find for cheap - NOT whatever he wants. Food? What will fill his belly NOT what he wants to eat. Go into his room and strip everything else out. leave an alarm clock. He wants music? Get a job and buy a radio. Want a computer and the internet? GO buy a computer - and you will have to prove you got the money legally and you pay for the internet service. No job? I don't care if you bought the computer - it won't live in your room in MY HOUSE. You don't do chores> You don't eat anything but beans and rice (or noodles if he likes rice). You disrespect me? YOu get your own place to live. You refuse to go to therapy and/or take the medications the docs rx? You don't live here. Get him into a MALE therapist. Get him a mentor. Write out the rules, present them to him, and let him know that you have stripped his room. IF he wants his nice clothes, the food you usually provide, the computer/tv/internet/radio/mp3 player/whatever? He follows each and every single rule to the letter, does EVERY chore the way you want it done, and he is RESPECTFUL and compliant with therapy. YOU make sure the therapist is sane and good - go see him first and go to a session every few weeks. Above all - he works for a GED and has a full time job or starts a business mowing lawns iwth a push mower or dog walking or whatever. He saves money to get an education. Your girlfriend is good in encouraging you to make some demands on him and not placate and treat him like a princeling. But other than encouraging you to do what you say, follow through always and NOT feel sorry for him, she needs to BUTT OUT. It isn't her son or her home. And it isn't her business. Let her raise her own kids and dealw ith her own home and business. [/QUOTE]
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