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I don't know whats wrong with me
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 155596" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think Loth has hit it on the head - post traumatic stress. It can be aggravated if the stress factors are complex especially if they get caught up with any other unresolved stress issues. In my case it was natural disaster mingled with difficult child 3's badly mishandled birth, all connecting back with every other time in my life where I needed help or to be heard, and I was left to cope on my own. I still hadn't resolved my father's death, plus my mother was extremely ill and too unwell to visit, even though she was driven right past the door of the hospital we were in, on the way to the airport (she was down in Sydney to see doctors). I knew intellectually she really was too frail to visit but a big part of me resented that; and then felt guilty for resenting it. Then each day we had to travel 'outside', we had to drive through 30 km of utter devastation, the ashen moonscape our environment had become.</p><p></p><p>For ages after that, it didn't take much for an anxiety attack to hit. Footage of fires, especially big ones; images of childbirth; even having to enter a hospital just to visit someone.</p><p></p><p>It is true that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but one very wrong way is to not allow yourself to grieve, to feel as if SOMEONE has to get on with practical things. If you fall into that trap, you will be denying yourself the need to get your own mind, feelings and thoughts in order.</p><p>You need, above all else, to acknowledge that you are seriously stressed right now and it's not going to be a quick fix. You have to keep telling yourself, you are entitled to feel this way. Allow yourself to feel it. How do you grieve for your father? I really don't know. I've only had to do it once. And yes, if he was ill for a long time then you do begin the grieving process early. That is good, it is healthy. But you need to continue. All feelings around your memories of him need to be brought out, examined, identified and resolved (where possible). Where resolution isn't possible you need to work towards acceptance. We all do this in our own ways and in our own time. But right now, no matter how much you try and avoid it, your mind is busy with this process. That is why it has so few resources available for things like remembering where the car keys are, or where that bollard is that you just backed into. Therefore, you need to lighten your load to avoid mishaps.</p><p></p><p>If your child is studying for a major exam, or working on a PhD thesis, you let them off chores a bit, you relax the rules to give them plenty of space. But in your own way, you are working on a thesis too. You need to reduce your workload for a time in other areas, so you can better focus on the task at hand and get it out of the way. Of course you can still write a PhD thesis and keep house, and look after kids, and work a full-time day, but you won't do as good a job with the thesis and it will take you longer. But if you take time out from other responsibilities, you will get the job dome much more quickly and with fewer mistakes.</p><p></p><p>And the book - the author is definitely Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry to hear about your father. You went through three years of his failing health, so try to remember him before this happened. Remember the good times, the fun, the words of wisdom. </p><p></p><p>It is a difficult time for anybody. The cyclone wouldn't have helped matters at all, I suspect it's also contributed. But the sooner you can process it all, or at least begin to process it all, the sooner you'll be back on track.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 155596, member: 1991"] I think Loth has hit it on the head - post traumatic stress. It can be aggravated if the stress factors are complex especially if they get caught up with any other unresolved stress issues. In my case it was natural disaster mingled with difficult child 3's badly mishandled birth, all connecting back with every other time in my life where I needed help or to be heard, and I was left to cope on my own. I still hadn't resolved my father's death, plus my mother was extremely ill and too unwell to visit, even though she was driven right past the door of the hospital we were in, on the way to the airport (she was down in Sydney to see doctors). I knew intellectually she really was too frail to visit but a big part of me resented that; and then felt guilty for resenting it. Then each day we had to travel 'outside', we had to drive through 30 km of utter devastation, the ashen moonscape our environment had become. For ages after that, it didn't take much for an anxiety attack to hit. Footage of fires, especially big ones; images of childbirth; even having to enter a hospital just to visit someone. It is true that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but one very wrong way is to not allow yourself to grieve, to feel as if SOMEONE has to get on with practical things. If you fall into that trap, you will be denying yourself the need to get your own mind, feelings and thoughts in order. You need, above all else, to acknowledge that you are seriously stressed right now and it's not going to be a quick fix. You have to keep telling yourself, you are entitled to feel this way. Allow yourself to feel it. How do you grieve for your father? I really don't know. I've only had to do it once. And yes, if he was ill for a long time then you do begin the grieving process early. That is good, it is healthy. But you need to continue. All feelings around your memories of him need to be brought out, examined, identified and resolved (where possible). Where resolution isn't possible you need to work towards acceptance. We all do this in our own ways and in our own time. But right now, no matter how much you try and avoid it, your mind is busy with this process. That is why it has so few resources available for things like remembering where the car keys are, or where that bollard is that you just backed into. Therefore, you need to lighten your load to avoid mishaps. If your child is studying for a major exam, or working on a PhD thesis, you let them off chores a bit, you relax the rules to give them plenty of space. But in your own way, you are working on a thesis too. You need to reduce your workload for a time in other areas, so you can better focus on the task at hand and get it out of the way. Of course you can still write a PhD thesis and keep house, and look after kids, and work a full-time day, but you won't do as good a job with the thesis and it will take you longer. But if you take time out from other responsibilities, you will get the job dome much more quickly and with fewer mistakes. And the book - the author is definitely Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. I'm sorry to hear about your father. You went through three years of his failing health, so try to remember him before this happened. Remember the good times, the fun, the words of wisdom. It is a difficult time for anybody. The cyclone wouldn't have helped matters at all, I suspect it's also contributed. But the sooner you can process it all, or at least begin to process it all, the sooner you'll be back on track. Marg [/QUOTE]
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