Well I must admit I really hoped I wouldn't have to come back here. AS much as I loved you all, I was happy to finally be able to move forward as life seemed to finally be getting better. WRONG. Let me first off say I'm sorry for such a long post, but I need to get this off my chest. difficult child#1 is 14, he's the reason I found this site. Since he was a baby he's been a handful, but as he got older (3+) his behavior became more and more challenging. He was constantly kicked out of preschool for bullying and hitting, this tradition has continued even to now. He has never ever actually completed a full year of school. He's been in 2 group homes both for 6 weeks each, and presented the same problems there as he does at home. (refuses to accept rules, tries to negotiate his way out of everything) He's also ranaway several times, at one point he was so out of control the phyciatrist (spelling) actually gave us this drug that we were to add to his drink that would literally put him to sleep for 15 minutes. Long enough to get him to the hospital. He's been on Ritlan, Respiradone, Dexadrin, and a few others (cant remember them all) but nothing... I mean nothing has helped him, not even in the short term. Last year he brought a knife to school and chased a kid down in the parking lot, thank god noone was hurt! He was charged and is still waiting to go to trial for that, in the mean time his behavior has escallated even further, only 2 months after the knife incedent he sexually touched his sister (however the police decided not to press charged because they beleaved he was genuinly sorry) A few months after that he tossed a rock threw a window at his school because he was upset that this girl in his class wanted nothing to do with him. (the school said it isn't thier policy to get the police involved) even though he was on an undertaking forbidding him to carry a weapon. hmmm, last time I checked a rock tossed as someone would be considered a weapon. 3 weeks ago he tried to cut his wrists, I brought him to childrens hospital and "he" talked to the docs and begged them to help him, he told them he had tried to hang himself, he also showed them his cuts on his wrists.. however they turned him away and told him there was plenty of services in the community and they were not willing to admit him. 1 week later he ranaway from home and was found at midnight by the police after slashing his wrists and bleeding badly. They arrested him on breech of his undertaking (he still had the knife on his that he used to cut himself, and he was out past his cerfew) after 2 days in remand he went infront a judge and explained how he was scared of what he would do if he was released, the judge offered to get him assesed if he agreed to stay in custody and he willingly accepted staying in jail for another week so he could have a proper assesment done. well a week later it turned out that someone forgot to tell the physciatrist that he was in for an assesment!! so when he went to see the judge again she said he was not willing to keep him in any longer and released him back to me on a recog order. He wasn't home even an hour when already he was back to his old tricks, pushing the limits, yelling at his sibs, back talking to me. Last night he did the unthinkable... he pulled a knife on me and threatened to kill me. So once again he is back in jail awaiting his time infront of the judge. My eyes hurt from crying, my ear hurts from talking to every doctor, jail guard, social worker, police officer, lawyer, that will hear me beg for some help. Sadly every single person has said that on thursday when he goes back to court he will be released back to my custody. I even talked to the crown about possibly sending him to a work camp, but she assured me rather quickly that threatening me with a knife was not a serious enough offence. I've told social services that he can't come back here, I have other children in the home that quite frankly are worried about thier saftey and non of us are capable of providing him with the help he needs. The social worker just keeps agreeing with me that it isn't safe for him to return him, yet in the next breath she says they simply dont have a place for him. I honestly don't know what to do, where to turn, or how on earth our family will ever servive.