I don't to attend HS Senior Award Ceremony...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, May 4, 2016.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Difficult Child won't be getting any awards or scholarships...never joined a club, a sport, or excelled academically. Why does she want me there? I just did this at church on Sunday when they introduced all the seniors. All of them were recognized in the local papers (except Difficult Child) for GPA, sports, music, community service, etc...

    I am just happy that Difficult Child will probably graduate...has one F and won't have enough credits to pass if he she doesn't manage to bring it to a D...

    KSM
     
  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    If it were me, I would go. I would just grin and bear it.
     
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  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I went... You know, I am proud of her for sticking out four difficult years, with few friends, little enjoyment and many difficult situations. She persevered... It wasn't easy... This season of a child's life is difficult when school is not easy. And it is difficult for moms, too...wondering what is next... She never got around to taking the ACT or SAT tests. I don't know how she would have scored... Surprisingly, she usually does better on tests than on regular grades.

    KSM
     
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  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Good for you, ksm. She wanted you there to be proud of her. School...just showing up and passing...is a herculaneun task for so many differently wired children. Im so glad you went.

    You know, I have a non verbal learning disability and it is about as devestating as aspergers v(they are sort of opposites but both have bad socisl skills). Like your daughter, I test REALLY well on standardized tests with failing grades, I scored a 21 on my ACT. Back then, 20 was average. Although I was kicked out of Intro to algebra, my very last math class ever, I still scored a 14 in math. That is nothing to brag about, but I knew kids, more than three, who scored only a 3 in math. I scored 25 in both english and social studies, a class I flunked and had to take in summer school. I also, as you can tell, have an amazing long term memory. Short term not so much. Im wondering if your kiddo also has a NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). These are very articulate kids who excel verbally, but fall back in performance. They sound much better than they can produce

    I have a verbal iq in the superior range so I used to get easily hired. I have a performance level iq of 85 so I got easily fired. I could not perform up to how intellegent I sounded. Your daughter maybe?

    Im glad she graduated and that she wanted you there and that you went. Kudos to all!!
     
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Thanks, SWOT. This wasn't the actual graduation, but a school assembly where they announce or hand out who got what scholarships... She does score much higher on her verbal skills. Once, she had to write a research paper about a subject, and then read/present it to the class. She never did the outline, no note cards, no rough draft, no essay even turned in. Stood up, talked about her topic, and got an A+ for her talk. Unfortunately, she failed the class...

    I just want this to be over. I hurt so much...when I see how she struggles. When kids are cruel, teachers who don't have time and patience for the kids that struggle... My heart hurts. Ksm
     
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Good for you for going. It ment something to her, She participated in a right of passage and you were there for her.
     
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  7. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Well your daughter is a success story she will graduate high school(fingers crossed) has a job that she holds for some time and well as you pointed out she manages to appear a balanced person to other people which is something that can get you a long way in our society. She struggled a lot to succeed and she did in some ways and it in a very large part because of you and that is something you should be proud about.
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ksm, I admire your daughter. I did not go to graduation, partly because I thought id done nothing to deserve it. Your daughter was braver than me.i respect that. She wanted validation for what she had done. I think she kept that chin up. School is brutal for some and doing our best is like a Ph.D for a person who has an easier time doing school. Sadly, we are not all equally able to do well academically.
     
  9. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Why does your daughter want to go to the awards ceremony? Support her friends maybe?

    Of course, sometimes there are awards for 'Most Improved' or 'Class Spirit' or something, to insure that everyone gets something. Maybe she is hoping she will get something?

    Does it bother that she isn't getting an award, or is she just happy to watch and clap for everyone else (if she doesn't get one)?
     
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I never got any awards or scholarships in high school, and was an average student. I tried a few clubs but never stuck with them. Not every kid is award-worthy. But I think it's fantastic that your daughter is graduating, period.. and I think that's the accomplishment to celebrate. Hugs.
     
  11. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I don't know why she wanted me there. Like I said, this was a school assembly, not the actual graduation ceremony. Several weeks ago, she came home and told me she saw a list and she was like in the top 20 students. This is a school of over 1500, and probably close to 400 seniors. I knew it was a mistake. She would be lucky to have a 2.0 grade point average. When she got her cap and gown, there was a white collar, and she said she thought only the top students got the collar. I told her when we attended other ceremonies, all the girls had the white collar, and the top students got colored cords to wear draped around their necks...

    She really does not have school friends. The girl that she spends the most time with dropped out last year.

    It just hurts that she thinks she is more capable than she is. Now that she is 18, she wants to "adult". She quit the therapist we had been seeing for DBT therapy group. She wants to take a break from appts this summer, find a new therapist in our town, or return to the psychologist we had been seeing about 60 miles away. But she doesn't want me to call and make any appts. She was upset and told the psychologist that I shouldn't have even called a new therapist to see if she was taking new patients. She will Never follow thru with finding a new therapist or contacting her old one.

    She plans to move out soon and live with my son, her stepfather. Then at least I won't have to deal with this every day. KSM
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2016
  12. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Oh, no.

    It kinds sounds like she thinks she may be a 'top student' and getting some kind of academic award, and she wants you to be there to share it with her.

    I see now that it is happening during the school day so all students have to be there, but probably only parents of kids who are getting awards will be there.

    This is heartbreaking, KSM.

    I see why you are upset.

    She has some unrealistic expectations for what may happen.

    ((((hugs to both of you))))

    Apple

    PS--Does she have any supports (community services type) in place for after she graduates?
     
  13. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    AppleCori - right now we have a case management team in place. She meets with the case mgr for 1 hour a week, but it is more a social time. They go get a coke or cheese fries and talk. Mostly about school, work, or the possibilities of finding a place that will let her have a dog.

    In June, we have the next case plan and it is likely her case will be closed. We qualified for services last fall when she took pills because she was mad, then ended up in ER, and then a 3 day inpatient admission. She was given state ins to help cover case mgt services.

    KSM
     
  14. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Update... When she first told me she wanted me to attend the school assembly, I couldn't figure out why. I remember the day of the assembly and noticed she dressed up, did hair and make up. I was confused, but I did show up for the assembly. She never had her name announced. But she knew I was there.

    This week, I was cleaning out her room, she has moved in with her dad. I was throwing away old school papers, and I see a slip of paper about that awards assembly. It was a printed off slip of paper to all seniors reminding them to be there, because they would be recognized for their achievements. But, it was worded "be sure you attend, because you will be recognized."

    No wonder she wanted me there. I am sadder now than before. KSM
     
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That is inexcusable. And yes, some kids would have known that only a few get recognized, but there would have been others who didn't put that together.

    I'm glad you went.
     
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  16. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    This is just so sad! I would have to raise three kinds of hell with whoever sent a note out saying that.
     
  17. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Oh, and another plus...at graduation, she did have a brightly colored cord to wear with her cap and gown. She completed a year of JAG classes her senior year. Her counselor suggested it as it was a class to learn job skills, resumes, etc. so she had a red white and blue cord!

    KSM
     
  18. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    No wonder she wanted you to go!

    That is very sad, KSM.

    On the bright side, it didn't seem to particularly bother her, did it?

    Maybe she has moved on with her life, and realizes it wasn't really important in the grand scheme of things?
     
  19. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    She is just glad that high school is over, and she graduated. She didn't have many friends who even completed school or the GED classes.

    On Monday, she will find out if she has the CNA job she interviewed for yesterday. KSM
     
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