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I give up. It hurts too much to hope.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 662034" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you everybody for your kind and thoughtful replies. I spoke with M. This is more or less what he thinks: He says there is no reason to rush to do anything. That my son will be safe where he is for a week or so more. That I should not rush to speak to him or to see him or to talk to him, but let him sit with it.</p><p></p><p>He has used all of his SSI money for the month and will be in no position to go anywhere until the first. If I am lucky, he will feel under pressure to agree to the 3 month program, just to have somewhere to stay the last week of the month. And once committed he will be afraid to leave and have it affect his SSI. Hopefully. That would be the best case, and one that I will try to hang on to, so that I do not call him, and make my plight worse. I know I have no control here but hope is a good thing, right?</p><p></p><p>I have no hope that a 3 month program will cure him but it will give me time.</p><p></p><p>M is concerned about the guardianship in the following ways: that my son becomes my enemy; that there be irreversible consequences, to him. He is also unsure if I would realistically be able to force my son to take his antiviral medicine, if he does not want it.</p><p></p><p>To insure that kind of medication compliance would almost require that he live in a board and care setting, and I do not think I would want to do that to my son.</p><p></p><p>This is the same child who when he was 18 saved his Christmas job earnings to buy a ticket to Rio de Janeiro to see a girl. It all fell apart within days, but he did it. And he saw it through. I do not want to break what remains of that spirit or confidence or hope. If I can avoid it.</p><p></p><p>If I decide to go for guardianship I know my son will oppose me. He will be entitled to free counsel to represent him, and I believe he will win. I work in mental health. I do not think that I will win. Not yet.</p><p></p><p>That is not a reason to not do it, but I need do to it when I am as strong, sure, and as ready, as is possible. And I need to do it when I am sure that there are no other roads to take. I am not there yet.</p><p></p><p>My worst fear is that I wait so long that he becomes ill from his liver. For now, I will pray.</p><p></p><p>M thinks the only realistic solution for my son to improve is that he live with us, or very near us, if I could tolerate it. But the thing is, M thinks that if my son lived with us, in a year he would most likely try to declare us incapacitated and try to take over our assets and put us out of the house. I am not laughing here.</p><p></p><p>I have gained ground in 24 hours. M and I are back talking. When I was mad at him I thought I had lost everything. I was so distraught at the time I did not see that I had pushed him away.</p><p></p><p>I have some clarity about me. For several months we have been talking about going across country to a new BIG CITY where there are all of the resources and diversions in the world nearby. We had planned to leave soon. In the next 2 months. But I had waffled.</p><p></p><p>We want to do it. We want to go. There I can go to 5 codependents anonymous meetings a day if I want to, and 5 Al Anon meetings too. I can do anything fun in the world that I want. We can be together without a lot of stress and away from the problema of my son. A time out. I feel guilty about the money but I can work when I return. It is as if decided.</p><p></p><p>M wants me to do what ever I intend to do about my son now, before we leave, but I think this is a mistake. M fears that we will go across country and I will be unable to tolerate my anxiety and fear about my son. That I will make him miserable and want to come back right now.</p><p></p><p>I think otherwise. I think that I will deal with it because I will have to. And I will reach out to others to help me as I have done with you.</p><p></p><p>I think it is worth seeing how my going across country affects my son. He has always known that I am right here. Whether he sees me or talks to me or is mad at me he knows he always has me right here. I want to see what are his choices, without me right here. If it changes anything at all.</p><p></p><p>When we come back I might look for work in a city where I can enroll in the Codependency Program that Recovering completed. I called about it today, and it is an option for me but not until January 2016, as I need to change my insurance.</p><p></p><p>For today, the ball is in my son's court, not mine. For next week, too, if I can stay strong.</p><p></p><p>In 24 hours I have developed a plan. I will do my best to stick to it. Never in a million years could I have gotten this far without you all. I am grateful beyond words. Please, please anybody that has thoughts for me, I appreciate them. And I will take them to heart.</p><p></p><p>I will be here for you, too. You know that.</p><p></p><p>Thank you,</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 662034, member: 18958"] Thank you everybody for your kind and thoughtful replies. I spoke with M. This is more or less what he thinks: He says there is no reason to rush to do anything. That my son will be safe where he is for a week or so more. That I should not rush to speak to him or to see him or to talk to him, but let him sit with it. He has used all of his SSI money for the month and will be in no position to go anywhere until the first. If I am lucky, he will feel under pressure to agree to the 3 month program, just to have somewhere to stay the last week of the month. And once committed he will be afraid to leave and have it affect his SSI. Hopefully. That would be the best case, and one that I will try to hang on to, so that I do not call him, and make my plight worse. I know I have no control here but hope is a good thing, right? I have no hope that a 3 month program will cure him but it will give me time. M is concerned about the guardianship in the following ways: that my son becomes my enemy; that there be irreversible consequences, to him. He is also unsure if I would realistically be able to force my son to take his antiviral medicine, if he does not want it. To insure that kind of medication compliance would almost require that he live in a board and care setting, and I do not think I would want to do that to my son. This is the same child who when he was 18 saved his Christmas job earnings to buy a ticket to Rio de Janeiro to see a girl. It all fell apart within days, but he did it. And he saw it through. I do not want to break what remains of that spirit or confidence or hope. If I can avoid it. If I decide to go for guardianship I know my son will oppose me. He will be entitled to free counsel to represent him, and I believe he will win. I work in mental health. I do not think that I will win. Not yet. That is not a reason to not do it, but I need do to it when I am as strong, sure, and as ready, as is possible. And I need to do it when I am sure that there are no other roads to take. I am not there yet. My worst fear is that I wait so long that he becomes ill from his liver. For now, I will pray. M thinks the only realistic solution for my son to improve is that he live with us, or very near us, if I could tolerate it. But the thing is, M thinks that if my son lived with us, in a year he would most likely try to declare us incapacitated and try to take over our assets and put us out of the house. I am not laughing here. I have gained ground in 24 hours. M and I are back talking. When I was mad at him I thought I had lost everything. I was so distraught at the time I did not see that I had pushed him away. I have some clarity about me. For several months we have been talking about going across country to a new BIG CITY where there are all of the resources and diversions in the world nearby. We had planned to leave soon. In the next 2 months. But I had waffled. We want to do it. We want to go. There I can go to 5 codependents anonymous meetings a day if I want to, and 5 Al Anon meetings too. I can do anything fun in the world that I want. We can be together without a lot of stress and away from the problema of my son. A time out. I feel guilty about the money but I can work when I return. It is as if decided. M wants me to do what ever I intend to do about my son now, before we leave, but I think this is a mistake. M fears that we will go across country and I will be unable to tolerate my anxiety and fear about my son. That I will make him miserable and want to come back right now. I think otherwise. I think that I will deal with it because I will have to. And I will reach out to others to help me as I have done with you. I think it is worth seeing how my going across country affects my son. He has always known that I am right here. Whether he sees me or talks to me or is mad at me he knows he always has me right here. I want to see what are his choices, without me right here. If it changes anything at all. When we come back I might look for work in a city where I can enroll in the Codependency Program that Recovering completed. I called about it today, and it is an option for me but not until January 2016, as I need to change my insurance. For today, the ball is in my son's court, not mine. For next week, too, if I can stay strong. In 24 hours I have developed a plan. I will do my best to stick to it. Never in a million years could I have gotten this far without you all. I am grateful beyond words. Please, please anybody that has thoughts for me, I appreciate them. And I will take them to heart. I will be here for you, too. You know that. Thank you, COPA [/QUOTE]
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