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I give up. It hurts too much to hope.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 662228" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I would want medical guardianship, Copa. You can't make him take his medications while he isn't in your home, but with medical guardianship you have the power just as if he were a minor child to say he needs help to a hospital and to be listened to. This is just my opinion and, oh, I know it is so hard to accept...I don't believe your son is capable of making good decisions for himself or to be completely on his own. He doesn't really understand that no medications means he can die. He also has delusions about the world and has suffered in utero drug exposure, probable alcohol exposure (which is even worse) and a head injury.</p><p></p><p>My sister-in-law's husband had a bad motorcycle accident and serious brain damage. He isn't the same now. He forgets. He can't drink. He used to drink too much, but now it has a bad effect on him and it bothers him. He forgets words and can't do the job he used to be able to do and he was very prosperous. They own their home straight up. His wife has to keep an eye on him and he gets depressed because he has lost some cognitive function, although he still has a normal IQ. A head injury can be a lifetime game changer. So is drug/alochol exposure in utero. Heck, although many don't like to admit it, even cigarettes during pregnancy can cause learning disabilities, smaller babies, problems. A pregnancy should be drug free for the baby's sake.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I had to take antidepressants at the tail end of my pregnancy and I still wonder if Bart had some problems because of the four weeks I took it. And I was in a psychiatric hospital when it was presscribed. They said I was too dangerously suicidal not to take it and that the baby was already pretty much formed. And I was young and stupid. So, yeah, I wonder.</p><p></p><p>I did not put my autistic son under my thumb. He is free to do whatever he wants. But if a medical emergency comes up, he can't make a good decision so I have that ability. I decide if he can own a fire arm. To me that's a no-brainer. He can't, no big deal to him because he doesn't have any desire to own one.We don't like guns in our house so he didn't see hunting etc. growing up. But you can also give permission for him to have a gun. Driving is another issue. The only restriction I put on hiim was the gun, which I knew would be no big deal to him. He could have gotten a driver's license, but he didn't want to drive.</p><p></p><p>We did get a lawyer, I thnk. We definitely did have to go to court.It was not much of a hearing and went very fast. It was not a punishment and Sonic did not see it as one. We had lunch afterward and life went on as before. I do have access to his medical records because he doesn't really understand them. He needs to see a cardiologist every five years because he had heart surgery as a baby and I make his appointments and take him or his caseworker takes him or a special bus comes by to take him. His heart has bseen great (thank you, Higher Power), but he needs to have it monitored and without my reminders, he would forget. Also dental care, which he gets, but would neglect.</p><p></p><p>A stranger can be a payee too. Many people choose strangers because they don't want to be th e one doling out the adult kid's money. Same with guardianship.</p><p></p><p>There is great peace of mind when an adult child, who has a few issues understanding important life saving things, is being supervised by both yourself and a caseworker. Of course, as I said before, Sonic is fine with it.</p><p></p><p>Some adults ARE disabled and do not understand or get how to take care of themselves an then we have choices to make. Your situation is so much worse because your son is not compliant with you and is angry and may see it as a punishment. I don't know.</p><p></p><p>I trust your intelligence and your good sense to make the right decision for your situation. I just wanted to explain what the situation is with us and how we received legal guardianship and what it means and doesn't mean. My son doesn't live with me. He can still come and go as he chooses without calling "mommy" <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I am thinking more about how he'd neglect his health and bills without us. Other than that, he can live his life his way. It does not mean micromanaging life for your adult child. You can't and shouldn't.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs to my very dear friend Copa. I know you will do the best thing for your beloved son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 662228, member: 1550"] I would want medical guardianship, Copa. You can't make him take his medications while he isn't in your home, but with medical guardianship you have the power just as if he were a minor child to say he needs help to a hospital and to be listened to. This is just my opinion and, oh, I know it is so hard to accept...I don't believe your son is capable of making good decisions for himself or to be completely on his own. He doesn't really understand that no medications means he can die. He also has delusions about the world and has suffered in utero drug exposure, probable alcohol exposure (which is even worse) and a head injury. My sister-in-law's husband had a bad motorcycle accident and serious brain damage. He isn't the same now. He forgets. He can't drink. He used to drink too much, but now it has a bad effect on him and it bothers him. He forgets words and can't do the job he used to be able to do and he was very prosperous. They own their home straight up. His wife has to keep an eye on him and he gets depressed because he has lost some cognitive function, although he still has a normal IQ. A head injury can be a lifetime game changer. So is drug/alochol exposure in utero. Heck, although many don't like to admit it, even cigarettes during pregnancy can cause learning disabilities, smaller babies, problems. A pregnancy should be drug free for the baby's sake. Copa, I had to take antidepressants at the tail end of my pregnancy and I still wonder if Bart had some problems because of the four weeks I took it. And I was in a psychiatric hospital when it was presscribed. They said I was too dangerously suicidal not to take it and that the baby was already pretty much formed. And I was young and stupid. So, yeah, I wonder. I did not put my autistic son under my thumb. He is free to do whatever he wants. But if a medical emergency comes up, he can't make a good decision so I have that ability. I decide if he can own a fire arm. To me that's a no-brainer. He can't, no big deal to him because he doesn't have any desire to own one.We don't like guns in our house so he didn't see hunting etc. growing up. But you can also give permission for him to have a gun. Driving is another issue. The only restriction I put on hiim was the gun, which I knew would be no big deal to him. He could have gotten a driver's license, but he didn't want to drive. We did get a lawyer, I thnk. We definitely did have to go to court.It was not much of a hearing and went very fast. It was not a punishment and Sonic did not see it as one. We had lunch afterward and life went on as before. I do have access to his medical records because he doesn't really understand them. He needs to see a cardiologist every five years because he had heart surgery as a baby and I make his appointments and take him or his caseworker takes him or a special bus comes by to take him. His heart has bseen great (thank you, Higher Power), but he needs to have it monitored and without my reminders, he would forget. Also dental care, which he gets, but would neglect. A stranger can be a payee too. Many people choose strangers because they don't want to be th e one doling out the adult kid's money. Same with guardianship. There is great peace of mind when an adult child, who has a few issues understanding important life saving things, is being supervised by both yourself and a caseworker. Of course, as I said before, Sonic is fine with it. Some adults ARE disabled and do not understand or get how to take care of themselves an then we have choices to make. Your situation is so much worse because your son is not compliant with you and is angry and may see it as a punishment. I don't know. I trust your intelligence and your good sense to make the right decision for your situation. I just wanted to explain what the situation is with us and how we received legal guardianship and what it means and doesn't mean. My son doesn't live with me. He can still come and go as he chooses without calling "mommy" ;) I am thinking more about how he'd neglect his health and bills without us. Other than that, he can live his life his way. It does not mean micromanaging life for your adult child. You can't and shouldn't. Many hugs to my very dear friend Copa. I know you will do the best thing for your beloved son. [/QUOTE]
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