mstang67chic
Going Green
Ok, technically I'm not an only child but I'm my mom's only child. And it is going to hoover.
Basically I now have parental difficult child's of a sort. And before I start, just for clarification's sake, we're talking about my mom and (step) dad....he adopted me but I still see my bio dad so this is just to make it clear as mud.
Background on both:
Mom - heart issues, prior bypass surgery, stent, arthritis, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), emphysema, fibromyalga, blood pressure, thyroid....all kinds of stuff. AND she still smokes. Or rather, smokes again as she quit for 2 years after her bypass.
Dad - artificial hips that are showing MAJOR wear on at least one, degenerative disc disease in his neck, prostate cancer treated with radiation, radiation poisoning (for lack of a better word) from over radiation during treatments...resulting in loss of bone strength (multiple pelvic fractures), fried colon resulting in colostomy and lesions in and around the colon/rectal area, some sort of foot/leg issue (circulation???) resulting in horribly swollen legs and feet as well as bad, bad, bad, sores on his feet.
The house they live in was Dad's childhood home....his father built it and it's about 70 or so years old. Had the maintenance been kept up on over the years, especially the last 10 or 15, the house would still be in ok shape. Now? Light a match. The living room was added on at some point and the ceiling tiles are falling down. Without them, you can look straight up to the roof and also see what was part of the front of the house before the addition. It's drafty, poorly (if at all) insulated, the electrical is scary, plumbing/septic needs work, bathroom floor moves, the tub/shower is .....I don't know how they do it. I've been trying for a long time to talk about it and about maybe doing something about it like....ohhh I don't know......MOVE! But every time I bring the subject up I get one of two responses. In the past my mom would acknowledge the need to do something and say we'll talk about it later.....and never did. Or....she would get defensive/upset/mad and not talk to me for days. (stubborn much?) Neither one of them are in the best of health and especially in the last year or two just can't keep up with even the most simple of things around the house. Clean? Nope. Dishes? Takes Mom days......mainly because she waits till everything in the house is dirty and THEN does them. I have gone over in the past to help but now...it's a combination of she tells me no and honestly, as bad as this sounds, I can't stand to be in the house. It stinks, there are fleas and I can't do it. They both smoke in the house and have for years and years. Even before I quit, I thought it reeked. It smells of meals from the last God knows how many years, the dog, whatever critter is in the roof.....it's just awful.
Dad has been in and out of the hospital more and more recently because of his feet. (and because his doctor is an idiot but that's another thread all on it's own). He's in again and it's now to the point that something HAS to be done to the house. Dad is probably never going to walk again because of the pelvic fractures and his hip issues. The ortho guy won't operate on the hip because Dad's bones are so weak. So....he's going to be in a wheelchair. Only one slight problem......because of the way the house is laid out and the shape it's in.....there is no way in hades you would be able to get a chair through. None.
Mom has talked to a friend of hers and one of my aunts. The friend, my aunt, my cousin and I are going to go over at some point in the very near future and do some heavy duty cleaning. (as in....Hound....I will GLADLY trade you) Even then.....if Dad comes home and the home health care people (that now will be coming even though I suggested it a long time ago) may still call social services just because of the shape of the house physically.
I'm trying to figure out how I can help (aside from the cleaning) with anything. Or who I can contact to get them help with housing, social services, etc. AT this point, I don't much care if I step on toes....Mom hates it but she knows they need to do something. It's mostly been Dad this whole time. He refused to let people come in, he refused to leave (I'll die if I have to live in the city. Ok first? It's not a flipping CITY.....the town has about 10,000 people....MAYBE. {Haozi...your town.} And besides.....with his health, he was outside THREE times this summer. THREE. That's not counting going to the car for doctor's appointments.) Well guess what Dad.....tough nuts. You guys need help.
So....who do I call? I know I can't actually do anything but I can find out things. Also, both are on Medicaid and/or disability/SSI....what happens to the house/property? I know it goes to the state if they go into a nursing home but what if they sell the place so they can move to an apartment?
I hate being an only child.
Basically I now have parental difficult child's of a sort. And before I start, just for clarification's sake, we're talking about my mom and (step) dad....he adopted me but I still see my bio dad so this is just to make it clear as mud.
Background on both:
Mom - heart issues, prior bypass surgery, stent, arthritis, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), emphysema, fibromyalga, blood pressure, thyroid....all kinds of stuff. AND she still smokes. Or rather, smokes again as she quit for 2 years after her bypass.
Dad - artificial hips that are showing MAJOR wear on at least one, degenerative disc disease in his neck, prostate cancer treated with radiation, radiation poisoning (for lack of a better word) from over radiation during treatments...resulting in loss of bone strength (multiple pelvic fractures), fried colon resulting in colostomy and lesions in and around the colon/rectal area, some sort of foot/leg issue (circulation???) resulting in horribly swollen legs and feet as well as bad, bad, bad, sores on his feet.
The house they live in was Dad's childhood home....his father built it and it's about 70 or so years old. Had the maintenance been kept up on over the years, especially the last 10 or 15, the house would still be in ok shape. Now? Light a match. The living room was added on at some point and the ceiling tiles are falling down. Without them, you can look straight up to the roof and also see what was part of the front of the house before the addition. It's drafty, poorly (if at all) insulated, the electrical is scary, plumbing/septic needs work, bathroom floor moves, the tub/shower is .....I don't know how they do it. I've been trying for a long time to talk about it and about maybe doing something about it like....ohhh I don't know......MOVE! But every time I bring the subject up I get one of two responses. In the past my mom would acknowledge the need to do something and say we'll talk about it later.....and never did. Or....she would get defensive/upset/mad and not talk to me for days. (stubborn much?) Neither one of them are in the best of health and especially in the last year or two just can't keep up with even the most simple of things around the house. Clean? Nope. Dishes? Takes Mom days......mainly because she waits till everything in the house is dirty and THEN does them. I have gone over in the past to help but now...it's a combination of she tells me no and honestly, as bad as this sounds, I can't stand to be in the house. It stinks, there are fleas and I can't do it. They both smoke in the house and have for years and years. Even before I quit, I thought it reeked. It smells of meals from the last God knows how many years, the dog, whatever critter is in the roof.....it's just awful.
Dad has been in and out of the hospital more and more recently because of his feet. (and because his doctor is an idiot but that's another thread all on it's own). He's in again and it's now to the point that something HAS to be done to the house. Dad is probably never going to walk again because of the pelvic fractures and his hip issues. The ortho guy won't operate on the hip because Dad's bones are so weak. So....he's going to be in a wheelchair. Only one slight problem......because of the way the house is laid out and the shape it's in.....there is no way in hades you would be able to get a chair through. None.
Mom has talked to a friend of hers and one of my aunts. The friend, my aunt, my cousin and I are going to go over at some point in the very near future and do some heavy duty cleaning. (as in....Hound....I will GLADLY trade you) Even then.....if Dad comes home and the home health care people (that now will be coming even though I suggested it a long time ago) may still call social services just because of the shape of the house physically.
I'm trying to figure out how I can help (aside from the cleaning) with anything. Or who I can contact to get them help with housing, social services, etc. AT this point, I don't much care if I step on toes....Mom hates it but she knows they need to do something. It's mostly been Dad this whole time. He refused to let people come in, he refused to leave (I'll die if I have to live in the city. Ok first? It's not a flipping CITY.....the town has about 10,000 people....MAYBE. {Haozi...your town.} And besides.....with his health, he was outside THREE times this summer. THREE. That's not counting going to the car for doctor's appointments.) Well guess what Dad.....tough nuts. You guys need help.
So....who do I call? I know I can't actually do anything but I can find out things. Also, both are on Medicaid and/or disability/SSI....what happens to the house/property? I know it goes to the state if they go into a nursing home but what if they sell the place so they can move to an apartment?
I hate being an only child.