Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I hate difficult child right now...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 570529" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi I'm so sorry. Many will say this must have happened to him (which could be so have to check.that no one is abusing him.too)....I'm guessing that he doesnt know at his developmental age and with his diagnosis. anything but that it feels good and that he wants what he wants. The sad truth is that some disorders are associated with hypersexuality. It's a huge challenge for many parents of kids with neurobiological disorders. Not many find places to talk about it. Certain brain injuries, and fetal alcohol syndrome are among the riskiest. I've had friends with kids who have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) who act out sexually too. In many forms, in future you'll likely have to monitor internet use very strictly. And he gets no picture messaging cell phones when older most likely too. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately it means now you will probably need to put video surveillance with a portable monitor that you can carry with you. Also use of alarms on doors, hiring PCA's, using line of sight supervision, etc may be needed. All of them will need work to check their feelings and to teach appropriate boundaries without making them feel ashamed. Some of them may "play" with others even without difficult child if they've now learned it's "fun". It's so complex. </p><p></p><p>Still, I can imagine your outrage and I'd maybe consider contacting cps myself to ask for help because this will probably be reported if you or your kids talk to any mandated reporter. (Therapists, doctors, teachers) I'm shocked the police didnt call cps and I suppose they may have as mandated reporters. Just my opinion..... others may have better options. </p><p></p><p>If you don't have a plan for safety and therapists to help your other kids learn and cope cps may react stronger. One thing that I've had to do many times due to aggressive behaviors is have a line of.sight rule. difficult child is always in your or husband's direct line of sight. </p><p></p><p>At his age...and thinking his developmental age is even younger it is true what the police said....partly.....it is developmental. But its not their call to say its normal nor that you can't do anything. Maybe not charges but for sure you can get help. I am not belittling this....trust me.....as a victim of an older child myself. My aunts boys (she is.my age and her boys are more like nephews) had this happen. She called cps herself. Both boys got therapy amd.the.boy who initiated it has received assessments and monitoring. As long as she.cooperated (she wanted.the.help) the little one was not.removed (he was the "victim). For me, I believe that if my mom and dad had not had a good balance between protecting me and yet not making it seem as if the worst thing ever had happened, I'd have felt even more guilt and maybe had issues about that area of life. </p><p></p><p>If a specialized therapist who knows how to work with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and FASD can be found who thinks its safe, and who can help you teach him boundaries and/or if you can ask for in home PCA support from the county or your insurance, you might be able to raise him at home. (If you are up to it....it will mean you have to be able to let your anger take a back seat too because we can't be very helpful and supportive of kids when we are furious with them continuously. And you clearly have a right to your anger, just have to be honest with yourself whether you can deal with this appropriately, I'd have a hard time adding all of the other issues he causes personally but people say that about my situation too! ) </p><p></p><p>It could be with that many kids, that he needs to be somewhere where more intensive focus can be on him--his bio mom? A group home? A residential treatment place? ....... for his sake as well as the sakes of the other kids. </p><p>Totally an opinion here.... This does not seem the same as a purposeful predator..... as we sometimes see here with other disorders (if I'm reading your signature right and have the right child in mind). How much that matters for what you have to do to protect the other kids i dont think is very much. But only you and professionals.who.assess him can really say.that for sure. Its just.my.impression from the signature that he is likely cognitively a child who needs very specific teaching about this and does not understand the social rules or consequences. </p><p></p><p>And your other kids may be mixed up about it too...especially if they said "yes" and liked how it felt. That is the hard thing about these situations......I can tell you that personally my perp. was 11 and grew into a very typical family man. Not all cases of this kind of thing are for sure meaning there will be horrible outcomes for either the perp or.the victim. We certainly can't take the risk, right? And he has disabilities that make empathy, learning rules & controlling impulses a challenge, right? So your hands are going to be full. I pray husband steps up and is supportive of you. Try to breathe and keep difficult child in eye sight. (Exactly </p><p>opposite of what you feel like doing) you can get alarms for his door (cps here won't allow locks so be careful and check rules) . </p><p></p><p>Wishing you some clarity of mind and support from husband today and as you work through this. Other parents with children who have different histories may chime in. You will get a lot of support. Just remember there are many causes for acting out sexually and treatment and prognosis varies. None of us can know so its vital you all get the professional help you need. To sort.that out.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to ramble. I'm on my phone and have been up since one a.m......so please know that as always only take what is useful and toss the rest. I hope I'm reading which child this is correctly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 570529, member: 12886"] Hi I'm so sorry. Many will say this must have happened to him (which could be so have to check.that no one is abusing him.too)....I'm guessing that he doesnt know at his developmental age and with his diagnosis. anything but that it feels good and that he wants what he wants. The sad truth is that some disorders are associated with hypersexuality. It's a huge challenge for many parents of kids with neurobiological disorders. Not many find places to talk about it. Certain brain injuries, and fetal alcohol syndrome are among the riskiest. I've had friends with kids who have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) who act out sexually too. In many forms, in future you'll likely have to monitor internet use very strictly. And he gets no picture messaging cell phones when older most likely too. Unfortunately it means now you will probably need to put video surveillance with a portable monitor that you can carry with you. Also use of alarms on doors, hiring PCA's, using line of sight supervision, etc may be needed. All of them will need work to check their feelings and to teach appropriate boundaries without making them feel ashamed. Some of them may "play" with others even without difficult child if they've now learned it's "fun". It's so complex. Still, I can imagine your outrage and I'd maybe consider contacting cps myself to ask for help because this will probably be reported if you or your kids talk to any mandated reporter. (Therapists, doctors, teachers) I'm shocked the police didnt call cps and I suppose they may have as mandated reporters. Just my opinion..... others may have better options. If you don't have a plan for safety and therapists to help your other kids learn and cope cps may react stronger. One thing that I've had to do many times due to aggressive behaviors is have a line of.sight rule. difficult child is always in your or husband's direct line of sight. At his age...and thinking his developmental age is even younger it is true what the police said....partly.....it is developmental. But its not their call to say its normal nor that you can't do anything. Maybe not charges but for sure you can get help. I am not belittling this....trust me.....as a victim of an older child myself. My aunts boys (she is.my age and her boys are more like nephews) had this happen. She called cps herself. Both boys got therapy amd.the.boy who initiated it has received assessments and monitoring. As long as she.cooperated (she wanted.the.help) the little one was not.removed (he was the "victim). For me, I believe that if my mom and dad had not had a good balance between protecting me and yet not making it seem as if the worst thing ever had happened, I'd have felt even more guilt and maybe had issues about that area of life. If a specialized therapist who knows how to work with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and FASD can be found who thinks its safe, and who can help you teach him boundaries and/or if you can ask for in home PCA support from the county or your insurance, you might be able to raise him at home. (If you are up to it....it will mean you have to be able to let your anger take a back seat too because we can't be very helpful and supportive of kids when we are furious with them continuously. And you clearly have a right to your anger, just have to be honest with yourself whether you can deal with this appropriately, I'd have a hard time adding all of the other issues he causes personally but people say that about my situation too! ) It could be with that many kids, that he needs to be somewhere where more intensive focus can be on him--his bio mom? A group home? A residential treatment place? ....... for his sake as well as the sakes of the other kids. Totally an opinion here.... This does not seem the same as a purposeful predator..... as we sometimes see here with other disorders (if I'm reading your signature right and have the right child in mind). How much that matters for what you have to do to protect the other kids i dont think is very much. But only you and professionals.who.assess him can really say.that for sure. Its just.my.impression from the signature that he is likely cognitively a child who needs very specific teaching about this and does not understand the social rules or consequences. And your other kids may be mixed up about it too...especially if they said "yes" and liked how it felt. That is the hard thing about these situations......I can tell you that personally my perp. was 11 and grew into a very typical family man. Not all cases of this kind of thing are for sure meaning there will be horrible outcomes for either the perp or.the victim. We certainly can't take the risk, right? And he has disabilities that make empathy, learning rules & controlling impulses a challenge, right? So your hands are going to be full. I pray husband steps up and is supportive of you. Try to breathe and keep difficult child in eye sight. (Exactly opposite of what you feel like doing) you can get alarms for his door (cps here won't allow locks so be careful and check rules) . Wishing you some clarity of mind and support from husband today and as you work through this. Other parents with children who have different histories may chime in. You will get a lot of support. Just remember there are many causes for acting out sexually and treatment and prognosis varies. None of us can know so its vital you all get the professional help you need. To sort.that out. Sorry to ramble. I'm on my phone and have been up since one a.m......so please know that as always only take what is useful and toss the rest. I hope I'm reading which child this is correctly. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I hate difficult child right now...
Top