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I hate difficult child right now...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 570535" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I have a very rare disagreement with Buddy because I lived with an adopted child, who we loved dearly, who sexually abused my younger kids. Kids don't just suddenly feel like they want to have somebody sexually please them. They do it mostly because it has happened to them and the act traumatized them so they do it to others, but if they act out they are a danger to your other kids and you may not be able to stop him, no matter how diligent you try to be. More could have gone on than you even know. I didn't learn the extent of the abuse this child heaped on my other ones until he was gone and my k ids knew he wasn't coming back. They were terrified of him. If I had not made this child leave, my other two kids (also adopted...this is not against all adopted kids) would have stopped trusting husband and I to keep t hem safe. in my opinion the victims have to come first. Buddy, I respect you more than you will know, but you have no idea if your perp is a typical family man or a sexual predator. Most predators look normal to outsiders. It's just something you can't say for sure. I have one acquaintance whose abuser was a trusted school teacher...nobody believed her when she finally told. And I have another one whose husband's brother raped her with the brother's (her husband's) consent...and she had to bide her time and wait until he was passed out drunk to grab the baby and leave.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion once you find out sexual abuse is going on there is no sane option other than to get that child in an alternative living situation so that the others are safe. If that isn't possible, then I'd leave with the other kids. It is very hard to stop a child or adult from acting out sexually. Our adopted son was taken to a shelter for young sexual predators, but it didn't help him. He continued to try to act out on other kids there. His end diagnosis was Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder. No matter what the reason he did this or whether or not this difficult child can get help, for now he should not live with your other kids. It's not fair to them. Is he dangerous is other ways? Violent? Mean to animals? Does he pee or poop in odd places? Does he like to play with fire? I'm guessing he's no gem and is scary to live with beyond the sexual abuse, although that is the line in the sand that my husband and I draw. </p><p></p><p>Add me to the list of those who think his diagnosis is wrong. I do not know his history. If this children had chaotic early years without one loving, consistent caregiver, I'd say he may have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). If his birthmother drank, he could also have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. Neither have a particularly good prognosis. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) are both organic brain damage. There is little that can be done for those kids/adults other than to supervise closely 24/7 because they can't learn from their mistakes. They forget. It's sad, but if such a child is dangerous...they are still dangerous, even if it is sad.</p><p></p><p>All I can do is warn you. been there done that. He is obviously snowing your other kids...scaring them, either by threatening to kill all of you or by saying "If you love me, you'll let me." Don't let it continue, no matter w hat husband says. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 570535, member: 1550"] Hi. I have a very rare disagreement with Buddy because I lived with an adopted child, who we loved dearly, who sexually abused my younger kids. Kids don't just suddenly feel like they want to have somebody sexually please them. They do it mostly because it has happened to them and the act traumatized them so they do it to others, but if they act out they are a danger to your other kids and you may not be able to stop him, no matter how diligent you try to be. More could have gone on than you even know. I didn't learn the extent of the abuse this child heaped on my other ones until he was gone and my k ids knew he wasn't coming back. They were terrified of him. If I had not made this child leave, my other two kids (also adopted...this is not against all adopted kids) would have stopped trusting husband and I to keep t hem safe. in my opinion the victims have to come first. Buddy, I respect you more than you will know, but you have no idea if your perp is a typical family man or a sexual predator. Most predators look normal to outsiders. It's just something you can't say for sure. I have one acquaintance whose abuser was a trusted school teacher...nobody believed her when she finally told. And I have another one whose husband's brother raped her with the brother's (her husband's) consent...and she had to bide her time and wait until he was passed out drunk to grab the baby and leave. in my opinion once you find out sexual abuse is going on there is no sane option other than to get that child in an alternative living situation so that the others are safe. If that isn't possible, then I'd leave with the other kids. It is very hard to stop a child or adult from acting out sexually. Our adopted son was taken to a shelter for young sexual predators, but it didn't help him. He continued to try to act out on other kids there. His end diagnosis was Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder. No matter what the reason he did this or whether or not this difficult child can get help, for now he should not live with your other kids. It's not fair to them. Is he dangerous is other ways? Violent? Mean to animals? Does he pee or poop in odd places? Does he like to play with fire? I'm guessing he's no gem and is scary to live with beyond the sexual abuse, although that is the line in the sand that my husband and I draw. Add me to the list of those who think his diagnosis is wrong. I do not know his history. If this children had chaotic early years without one loving, consistent caregiver, I'd say he may have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). If his birthmother drank, he could also have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. Neither have a particularly good prognosis. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) are both organic brain damage. There is little that can be done for those kids/adults other than to supervise closely 24/7 because they can't learn from their mistakes. They forget. It's sad, but if such a child is dangerous...they are still dangerous, even if it is sad. All I can do is warn you. been there done that. He is obviously snowing your other kids...scaring them, either by threatening to kill all of you or by saying "If you love me, you'll let me." Don't let it continue, no matter w hat husband says. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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