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I hate difficult child right now...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 570705" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Look at your own post. This boy is dangerous. He is a danger to your kids and pets...doesn't get worse than that. Why do you feel guilty about wanting him in foster care? Frankly, I'm not sure you'd even be able to get anyone to take him. They'd have to be very committed, understand the attachment issues, and not have kids young enough for him to abuse (or animals). Your husband is doing a real number on your head. If this were me, honestly, this k id would be gone or I'd be gone with my kid. The day we found out that our adopted son had violated my younger kids, we called CPS and he was gone. He had crossed a line that was too scary to take a risk with. Kids like this child do not get better on their own and often can't get better even with the best of help. His birthmother damaged him in his early years and if he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), those kids don't even understand right and wrong. They have brain damage. And in my opinion your husband is equally culpable. Why didn't he take son away from this horrible situation so that, even if he had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), he was safe? I'm guessing that somewhere in his life, this child was sexually abused. The professionals who treated my kids were so certain that that's the main reason k ids that young even know what "licking" means let alone doing it to other kids. Perhaps bio. mom had a sick boyfriend or two in the house when he was little. My adopted son did not remember being sexually abused, but he had been in five foster homes before us and his birthmother had seriously neglected him. Somehwere along the line, whether he remembered it or not, he had likely been sexually abused. Kids who act out sexually (not the innocent playing doctor...that's different), do not just act out once to try it out. They keep doing it. </p><p></p><p>Our adopted son not only did stuff to our kids, but to kids in the community and pets in the community. My daughter told me, long after he was gone for good, that she had seen him strangling a neighbor's cat and he dropped the cat when the neighbor's door swung open. I wonder how many animals he killed? Has he ever been suspiciously around dead animals? And was he the one to report it, maybe with tears in his eyes? These are very serious issues. Your husband contributed to what this child is. He did not save him in time and now he is pretending that this child isn't a danger to you and the other kids.</p><p></p><p>If this were me, he'd be gone with the boy or I'd be gone with the others. If I had to, I'd run to a domestic abuse shelter because this IS domestic abuse. They aren't going to take your kids away if you try to protect them. If you don't, you never know. Where is your pity for your innocent children? Why do you always feel so sorry for this one? Is it your husband laying a guilt trip on you? You had NOTHING to do with why he is so damaged. You have an obligation to keep the other children safe. It is your husband who has an obligation to either find a safe place where his damaged son can live and get close monitoring or else get him the expensive and lengthy attachment therapy he probably needs...and to have him assessed for fetal alcohol spectrum. You can't do it. You have no rights to this child. Consider yourself lucky.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and good luck. I know this is hard for you. Sorry for the tough talk, but I want you to know how bad it can get. It may already be that bad. It isn't fair to try to help the one very sick child at the expense of all the other ones. JM very strong opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 570705, member: 1550"] Look at your own post. This boy is dangerous. He is a danger to your kids and pets...doesn't get worse than that. Why do you feel guilty about wanting him in foster care? Frankly, I'm not sure you'd even be able to get anyone to take him. They'd have to be very committed, understand the attachment issues, and not have kids young enough for him to abuse (or animals). Your husband is doing a real number on your head. If this were me, honestly, this k id would be gone or I'd be gone with my kid. The day we found out that our adopted son had violated my younger kids, we called CPS and he was gone. He had crossed a line that was too scary to take a risk with. Kids like this child do not get better on their own and often can't get better even with the best of help. His birthmother damaged him in his early years and if he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), those kids don't even understand right and wrong. They have brain damage. And in my opinion your husband is equally culpable. Why didn't he take son away from this horrible situation so that, even if he had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), he was safe? I'm guessing that somewhere in his life, this child was sexually abused. The professionals who treated my kids were so certain that that's the main reason k ids that young even know what "licking" means let alone doing it to other kids. Perhaps bio. mom had a sick boyfriend or two in the house when he was little. My adopted son did not remember being sexually abused, but he had been in five foster homes before us and his birthmother had seriously neglected him. Somehwere along the line, whether he remembered it or not, he had likely been sexually abused. Kids who act out sexually (not the innocent playing doctor...that's different), do not just act out once to try it out. They keep doing it. Our adopted son not only did stuff to our kids, but to kids in the community and pets in the community. My daughter told me, long after he was gone for good, that she had seen him strangling a neighbor's cat and he dropped the cat when the neighbor's door swung open. I wonder how many animals he killed? Has he ever been suspiciously around dead animals? And was he the one to report it, maybe with tears in his eyes? These are very serious issues. Your husband contributed to what this child is. He did not save him in time and now he is pretending that this child isn't a danger to you and the other kids. If this were me, he'd be gone with the boy or I'd be gone with the others. If I had to, I'd run to a domestic abuse shelter because this IS domestic abuse. They aren't going to take your kids away if you try to protect them. If you don't, you never know. Where is your pity for your innocent children? Why do you always feel so sorry for this one? Is it your husband laying a guilt trip on you? You had NOTHING to do with why he is so damaged. You have an obligation to keep the other children safe. It is your husband who has an obligation to either find a safe place where his damaged son can live and get close monitoring or else get him the expensive and lengthy attachment therapy he probably needs...and to have him assessed for fetal alcohol spectrum. You can't do it. You have no rights to this child. Consider yourself lucky. Hugs and good luck. I know this is hard for you. Sorry for the tough talk, but I want you to know how bad it can get. It may already be that bad. It isn't fair to try to help the one very sick child at the expense of all the other ones. JM very strong opinion. [/QUOTE]
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