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I hate difficult child right now...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 570818" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I urge you to feel compassion for the difficult child, but NOT to let that compassion lead to danger for your other kids. I do think MWM is right and your husband is doing a number on you emotionally to guilt you into keeping this child in your home and not making him take any responsibility or action to keep everyone safe and to get the help this boy needs. Help that is hard to find, expensive and would mean he had to be very involved and hands-on wiht the difficult child. He seems Occupational Therapist (OT) want all of this to be on your shoulders and that just isn't safe, sane or right. </p><p></p><p>do whatever you need to in order to keep the other kds SAFE. It likely will mean getting out or making husband get difficult child out, and possibly even making husband get out if he is going to get angry and emotionally abusive if you make him find another place for difficult child to live. </p><p></p><p>Your other kids are the ones I feel the most compassion for as they are such victims of this situation, nd they are the ones with no real voice and they bear all the violence or mostly all of it. </p><p></p><p>It is NOT abusive to send the boy to live in a therapeutic setting or in a home where he doesn't have other kids or animals to abuse. Parents of difficult children often find they MUST be families of different addresses in order to make sure that everyone is safe. Many people won't understand this, and will wrongly place blame. Instead they should be giving credit for loving ALL of the kids and yourself enough to take the big step of getting difficult child out of the house so that everyone will be SAFE. </p><p></p><p>I have a gfgbro who was violent and manipulatve as all get out from a very early age. My parents were invested in NOT seeing the problems and he was/is highly skilled at not allowing them to see any of that behavior, or at least most of this behavior. I was the scapegoat and whipping boy and if I told my parents I was either tattling, just trying to get him in trouble, lying or over-reacting. My parents STILL believe this and it colors our relationship to this very day. part of me has been super angry at them for not protectign me, for not believing me when I told them what he had done/was doing, and until about 2 yrs ago he was STILL abusive to me and my husband and kids. He didn't treat ANYONE else like that, just us because he felt he had some 'right' to control my life nd inflict pain of all kinds if I did something he didn't like or refused to do what he told me to. He tried awful things, the LEAST of them being to try to force my husband to cheat on me. husband didn't, and won't ever be alone with bro again because of this koi. </p><p></p><p>Don't let your other kids be damaged any more than they already are by this difficult child. Don't let your husband continue to place the blame on YOU. The blame goes to HIM and biomom both. Period. And so does the responsibility for this child's daily life. Make husband step up by refusing to care for the boy or have him in your home with the other kids. You OWE this to your kids. They have the right to a safe home where they are not abused by ANYONE.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 570818, member: 1233"] I urge you to feel compassion for the difficult child, but NOT to let that compassion lead to danger for your other kids. I do think MWM is right and your husband is doing a number on you emotionally to guilt you into keeping this child in your home and not making him take any responsibility or action to keep everyone safe and to get the help this boy needs. Help that is hard to find, expensive and would mean he had to be very involved and hands-on wiht the difficult child. He seems Occupational Therapist (OT) want all of this to be on your shoulders and that just isn't safe, sane or right. do whatever you need to in order to keep the other kds SAFE. It likely will mean getting out or making husband get difficult child out, and possibly even making husband get out if he is going to get angry and emotionally abusive if you make him find another place for difficult child to live. Your other kids are the ones I feel the most compassion for as they are such victims of this situation, nd they are the ones with no real voice and they bear all the violence or mostly all of it. It is NOT abusive to send the boy to live in a therapeutic setting or in a home where he doesn't have other kids or animals to abuse. Parents of difficult children often find they MUST be families of different addresses in order to make sure that everyone is safe. Many people won't understand this, and will wrongly place blame. Instead they should be giving credit for loving ALL of the kids and yourself enough to take the big step of getting difficult child out of the house so that everyone will be SAFE. I have a gfgbro who was violent and manipulatve as all get out from a very early age. My parents were invested in NOT seeing the problems and he was/is highly skilled at not allowing them to see any of that behavior, or at least most of this behavior. I was the scapegoat and whipping boy and if I told my parents I was either tattling, just trying to get him in trouble, lying or over-reacting. My parents STILL believe this and it colors our relationship to this very day. part of me has been super angry at them for not protectign me, for not believing me when I told them what he had done/was doing, and until about 2 yrs ago he was STILL abusive to me and my husband and kids. He didn't treat ANYONE else like that, just us because he felt he had some 'right' to control my life nd inflict pain of all kinds if I did something he didn't like or refused to do what he told me to. He tried awful things, the LEAST of them being to try to force my husband to cheat on me. husband didn't, and won't ever be alone with bro again because of this koi. Don't let your other kids be damaged any more than they already are by this difficult child. Don't let your husband continue to place the blame on YOU. The blame goes to HIM and biomom both. Period. And so does the responsibility for this child's daily life. Make husband step up by refusing to care for the boy or have him in your home with the other kids. You OWE this to your kids. They have the right to a safe home where they are not abused by ANYONE. [/QUOTE]
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