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I hate difficult child right now...
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<blockquote data-quote="ready2run" data-source="post: 570912" data-attributes="member: 11339"><p>i am going to say i don't think he was sexually abused. he has done a lot of other things that were bad, bad, bad that he figured out on his own and i think in my opinion this is just the next step for him. i live in canada, we don't have insurance we have public health care which means everyone with a referal can access services but there are huge waiting lists and you can't just go in and ask for help, you have to wait to see someone who can refer you to someone who can tell you where to get help type of thing. </p><p>I am working on a plan. i am going to call CAS. i am waiting for the worker that i trust to come back from holidays. in the mean time i am supervising difficult child with line of sight and if i can't be with him i set him us in his room or downstairs with the alarms on so i will know if he comes out or other kids go in. the other kids i think have learned not to let him do this but really i don't know since they didn't come to me in the first place. there are no Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s around here. i asked about that before and was told there is nothing like that here, just group homes but mostly for older kids and that if he were to go there he would be the youngest kid ever, but they seemed doubtful he would ever qualify. i have heard from several people that biomom is clean and doing well, not hooking anymore or anything. she looks a lot healthier, i skyped her. i told her if she wants him she should call her lawyer, husband and i will not oppose and then she will only have to pass the drug tests and have her home checked out, then i explained the process we went through to get difficult child in the first place because that is how they do it here, it should be the same for her. i wrote out a page on why i think this is best for difficult child, and everyone involved. so hopefully that works. i think it will be the least painful way to do this for everyone,and i am carefully planning my 'demands' like i should still be able to help make decisions about important things, or help by attending school meetings because bio mom is going to need to be schooled on caring for him. </p><p>also, i am aware that it isn't fair that husband puts everything on my shoulders. he thinks it is my fault because i pushed him to let difficult child move in here, obviously i had no idea what would happen but neither would he and i just saw it as mean. he doesn't seem to care about difficult child too, so it has just been natural for me to be the one who is loving towards difficult child. it has always been this way since our first son was born, he became very demanding of me. i have long since given up even trying to meet his expectations because it is not humanly possible. he is helping out around the house finally and taking the other kids out while i play with difficult child so at least he is helping a little. he is really good with the other boys. i know, i wish he was more of a support but he has his own issues and i don't think he has it in him to deal with difficult child which is why it all falls on me. he wasn't raised right and he was made to look after his mother from the time he was very young because she had brain cancer. he also has bonding issues of his own and is hard to reason with but listens to me for the most part because he knows i am stubborn and won't stop if i feel i am right. i am not going to leave him. i know our relationship is not ideal but well.....it is what it is. </p><p></p><p>eta:difficult child is not stuck in when the alarms are on, he is able to come get a drink or ask me questions, it just lets me know that i have to stop what i am doing and get back to him and he doesn't seem to mind, he knows it is only for a little while and i make sure he has something to entertain himself with, i just wanted to say that because i reread my post and it sounded like he was banished and forbidden to come out which is not the case. he is just not allowed to be unsupervised.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ready2run, post: 570912, member: 11339"] i am going to say i don't think he was sexually abused. he has done a lot of other things that were bad, bad, bad that he figured out on his own and i think in my opinion this is just the next step for him. i live in canada, we don't have insurance we have public health care which means everyone with a referal can access services but there are huge waiting lists and you can't just go in and ask for help, you have to wait to see someone who can refer you to someone who can tell you where to get help type of thing. I am working on a plan. i am going to call CAS. i am waiting for the worker that i trust to come back from holidays. in the mean time i am supervising difficult child with line of sight and if i can't be with him i set him us in his room or downstairs with the alarms on so i will know if he comes out or other kids go in. the other kids i think have learned not to let him do this but really i don't know since they didn't come to me in the first place. there are no Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s around here. i asked about that before and was told there is nothing like that here, just group homes but mostly for older kids and that if he were to go there he would be the youngest kid ever, but they seemed doubtful he would ever qualify. i have heard from several people that biomom is clean and doing well, not hooking anymore or anything. she looks a lot healthier, i skyped her. i told her if she wants him she should call her lawyer, husband and i will not oppose and then she will only have to pass the drug tests and have her home checked out, then i explained the process we went through to get difficult child in the first place because that is how they do it here, it should be the same for her. i wrote out a page on why i think this is best for difficult child, and everyone involved. so hopefully that works. i think it will be the least painful way to do this for everyone,and i am carefully planning my 'demands' like i should still be able to help make decisions about important things, or help by attending school meetings because bio mom is going to need to be schooled on caring for him. also, i am aware that it isn't fair that husband puts everything on my shoulders. he thinks it is my fault because i pushed him to let difficult child move in here, obviously i had no idea what would happen but neither would he and i just saw it as mean. he doesn't seem to care about difficult child too, so it has just been natural for me to be the one who is loving towards difficult child. it has always been this way since our first son was born, he became very demanding of me. i have long since given up even trying to meet his expectations because it is not humanly possible. he is helping out around the house finally and taking the other kids out while i play with difficult child so at least he is helping a little. he is really good with the other boys. i know, i wish he was more of a support but he has his own issues and i don't think he has it in him to deal with difficult child which is why it all falls on me. he wasn't raised right and he was made to look after his mother from the time he was very young because she had brain cancer. he also has bonding issues of his own and is hard to reason with but listens to me for the most part because he knows i am stubborn and won't stop if i feel i am right. i am not going to leave him. i know our relationship is not ideal but well.....it is what it is. eta:difficult child is not stuck in when the alarms are on, he is able to come get a drink or ask me questions, it just lets me know that i have to stop what i am doing and get back to him and he doesn't seem to mind, he knows it is only for a little while and i make sure he has something to entertain himself with, i just wanted to say that because i reread my post and it sounded like he was banished and forbidden to come out which is not the case. he is just not allowed to be unsupervised. [/QUOTE]
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