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I hate how I feel. Hate it.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 488298" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Your feelings are normal to some extent. If this has been the way you feel for a long time, then it is time to change this toxic situation. Have you considered disrupting the adoption? Yes, she is close to 18, but there is NO reason to subject yourself to a life of hate for over 300 more days. If you go to social services and say "I cannot handle it anymore. She has to go back, they might charge you with abandonment or something, but you won't go to jail. And it is better than living with hate. She is going to tell people how awful you are no matter what you do. Why tie yourself to the toxicity? </p><p></p><p>It can be temporary foster care until she changes, or you can tell DHS that, or you can just say you are done and she can't come back. If you honestly don't feel any love for her (and in my opinion it seems like a rational way to feel given how she treats you) and you cannot see this change while she is with you, then end it. Cut the ties now. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what your job is, but generally this won't be held against you any more than her lies will. And if her lies are a part of the problem, well, tell people that since seh honestly believes what she says about you, you don't feel it is fair to inflict yourself upon her. Reality is the other way around, but this makes it seem like you are "dong the right thing" and may minimize any potential fallout.</p><p></p><p>Only you know if this is doable, but it cannot hurt to call DHS/social services and find out what happens if you drop her off and say "no more. I am DONE with her. I cannot continue to do this to either of us."</p><p></p><p>I am sorry it is so bad. I worry about what this is doing to you. This level of stress and hate takes more than just an emotional toll. It takes a physical one too. Don't be afraid to let her go. there ARE better ways to spend the next year or so.</p><p></p><p>I don't mean to seem cold, I just know how hard this is an sometimes it truly is healthier to just cut the ties. It may not change her actions, but it might help you and the rest of the family. Sometiems a person just cannot be helped or live with a family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 488298, member: 1233"] Your feelings are normal to some extent. If this has been the way you feel for a long time, then it is time to change this toxic situation. Have you considered disrupting the adoption? Yes, she is close to 18, but there is NO reason to subject yourself to a life of hate for over 300 more days. If you go to social services and say "I cannot handle it anymore. She has to go back, they might charge you with abandonment or something, but you won't go to jail. And it is better than living with hate. She is going to tell people how awful you are no matter what you do. Why tie yourself to the toxicity? It can be temporary foster care until she changes, or you can tell DHS that, or you can just say you are done and she can't come back. If you honestly don't feel any love for her (and in my opinion it seems like a rational way to feel given how she treats you) and you cannot see this change while she is with you, then end it. Cut the ties now. I don't know what your job is, but generally this won't be held against you any more than her lies will. And if her lies are a part of the problem, well, tell people that since seh honestly believes what she says about you, you don't feel it is fair to inflict yourself upon her. Reality is the other way around, but this makes it seem like you are "dong the right thing" and may minimize any potential fallout. Only you know if this is doable, but it cannot hurt to call DHS/social services and find out what happens if you drop her off and say "no more. I am DONE with her. I cannot continue to do this to either of us." I am sorry it is so bad. I worry about what this is doing to you. This level of stress and hate takes more than just an emotional toll. It takes a physical one too. Don't be afraid to let her go. there ARE better ways to spend the next year or so. I don't mean to seem cold, I just know how hard this is an sometimes it truly is healthier to just cut the ties. It may not change her actions, but it might help you and the rest of the family. Sometiems a person just cannot be helped or live with a family. [/QUOTE]
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