I HATE my job - help.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Dec 26, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I HATE my job.
    It is like the worst dysfunctional family, ever.

    "Steely embrace the culture"
    "Steely it is your job to make all of your employees happy, no matter what."
    "Steely, sometimes you are too serious. You need to be friends and happy with everyone."

    Abbey give me a spork so I can gag myself.

    To be a manager and yet required to make everyone happy 100% of the time??????
    Uh, that means I ask nothing, and require nothing. So I might as well do nothing.

    I possibly could feel better working at McDonalds at this point.
    I don't know.
    But I do know that I really cannot take all of this one more minute. It is all I can do to get through every day.

    Most of you know the drama I have had with this company.........and it just continues. I have been harassed, harangued, and stabbed in the back continuously over and over.
    For the first time in my adult life I am thinking of calling in sick tomorrow, even though I am not - just to look for something else. Just to feel valued, even if it is within my 4 walls. And because I have 2 days off after that, that would give me 3 days off in a row.
    (Have you ever done that - fake being sick? It is not my norm, yet I just want out from under them right now.)

    Deep inside I believe I have so much to offer someone, some place - and I know that these people are just giant, corporate big shots, who do not value what I might offer. I have come to terms with that fact. And I know that because of that, I am not a bad employee/person but rather I know that I just have to move on.

    Yet, I don't know how. The world seems so big, and I do not have a "degree". Retail mgmt is all I have done since I was in my twenties. And yet, retail makes me want to puke at this point. I really need to be able to impact the world. Peace Corp comes to mind. Finishing my book. That sorta thing. Yet - no mula in that venue.
    Advice, wisdom from my cyber friends?
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2008
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    For me the most important thing in life is to follow your passion. Maybe the vein of retail you are in is not the right fit? Book store, maybe? I think that with all you've been through if you need to take a sick day, take it. You have to make choices that are best for you at this point. M is far away. You don't seem to have a lot of close connections in your community. There are thousands of options in front of you right now. Don't be afraid to step out and see what's there.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I"m sorry to hear you are having a rough time again. I don't feel at all hesitant about fact you don't have a degree, what scares me the most is the current state of the economy and the unemployment rate that is staggering.

    I agree though, alot of ppl say if you follow your true passion the money will flow in time. What is it that makes you really happy? To the point where time flies by and your cup gets filled up??

    The best idea would be to find that thing, and believe me i know it's difficult. See if there's anyway to get that ball rolling while you continue eating carp at the current one.

    just my thoughts. you have alot to offer, you can't let the corporate jerks get to you, it's all about pushing right now i think on any level possible. companies aren't making enough money, etc. it has nothing to do with you and who you are.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If you are in a managerial position, or supervisor position, then your main aim is to get the best productivity out of your staff. You do this the best way you know how. Some people can do it by being popular, but sometimes that can undermine productivity. If you aim to keep all workers happy, then often productivity can go down because, let's face it, most workers are happiest when they have a day off! So letting them slack off and have a holiday at work is NOT the way to be a good supervisor!

    However, if your workforce is constantly miserable and looking over their shoulders, that's not good for the workplace either, and not good for productivity. (I'm probably not telling you anything here you don't already know). So you have to strike a happy medium (image of smiling soothsayer getting hit in the face).

    Being a supervisor is not about being popular or making everybody happy as your first priority. The first priority is productivity. But often you can keep productivity up by encouraging people rather than riding them hard. It depends on the people and depends on how well you work.

    The biggest problem we have as women, is delegating to others. Often we delegate, then watch over their shoulders and micromanage.

    Efficiency is important, working as a well-oiled team works (and I don't mean a team that has collectively been over-indulging alcoholically; or is that "well-boiled"?).

    I've been watching easy child 2/difficult child 2 at work. The company she works for now owns two greengrocers, within 30 metres of one another. They moved easy child 2/difficult child 2 to the newly-acquired store because she is one of the best "checkout chicks" they have, always balancing her till, and they wanted whatever she was doing to rub off on others. In her original store, she was always clashing with one of the supervisors, because they both tend to micro-manage. The other supervisor (above easy child 2/difficult child 2) would even complain to me about my daughter, when I came in to buy stuff. The problems would be because easy child 2/difficult child 2 has her own way of doing things which seem to take longer, but are designed to get the job done in a way to not need doing so often. For example in the bread shop, easy child 2/difficult child 2 insisted on washing the underside of the baking trays meticulously, but the shop staff wouldn't bother because after all, the bread only gets put on the top part. But the bottoms would get covered in soot, the trays would be placed on the benches, the benches would get covered in soot, the baskets then placed on the benches would get covered in soot on the bottoms and then the shelves the baskets slid into, would get sooty. It all then needed to be cleaned. easy child 2/difficult child 2 would get really riled by this, the other staff reckoned she was wasting time washing the underside of the baking trays, even the boss at the bakery would accuse her of making work and wasting time. They couldn't see that she was trying to SAVE work. She eventually left, mostly over their failure to plan ahead.

    She has her faults - she has her own way of doing things and people she supervises, she expects to do things her way. But where she is now, they're happily working with her, doing things her way, and it's working well because it's all flowing well. They're a happy band and always joking, even when the shop is full and busy. I've watched easy child 2/difficult child 2 in action - she anticipates needs. If a staff member (or family of staff member) is coming through a register, easy child 2/difficult child 2 will quickly slip her over-ride card past the scanner and tap in her codes to give the discount, often without missing a bet form whatever else she is doing. She could walk past with a basket of strawberries, swipe her card, tap in the code and keep going with the basket, to the stacking shelves. She's fast, she knows what to do, but she's learned to step back and not micro-manage.

    Steely, sometimes clashes happen with co-workers. The trick is to understand how they tick. Are they micromanagers themselves? Such people also resent being micro-managed. And like difficult children, the more you try to force them to do things your way (even if your way is right), the more they will fight you and do things the way They want, when your back is turned. You need to make them want to do it your way, which means they either need to really understand why your way is best, or to really understand that their way is NOT best.

    Taking a leaf from easy child 2/difficult child 2's book (and the clashes she used to have with the previous supervisor, who would insist, "Do it my way, it's the way I've been doing it for years, it's all I know") I would suggest, when someone under you argues about how something should be done, listen to them, hear them out, then discuss with them the best way to do it. If they really insist and you know their way is going to be a problem, sometimes you still need to let them have their way, just as a learning exercise. And sometimes when they have a vested interest in making it work, surprisingly it DOES work!

    I don't know why you are having these difficulties - it could be they're cliquey and are freezing you out. Or if could be that you've been feeling overwhelmed with life, you have had a great deal to deal with, and they could be an extremely uncaring and unfeeling lot who really are afraid that you will want to cry on their shoulders sometimes (even if you have no intention - some co-workers will still not believe that you won't).

    When I first became disabled I was working in a very physically demanding, male-oriented job. I had to keep up with the men in the place. Any physical frailty was jumped on. So I was careful to not complain, I tried to hide my weak muscles and not let them see me even limping. But it was no use - there was obviously something wrong. I was careful to not talk about it. when someone asked how I was, I didn't lie and say, "Fine thanks," but neither did I talk about how I was. I kept it to two words. "Not bad." Anyone wanting to know more could ask me privately.

    However, I still was ostracised and tormented. Attacked verbally for being a whinger, often attacked by someone whinging at me but not allowing me the same courtesy. One day I remember the boss said, "How are you?" and I replied with, "I'm here."
    Immediately on of the others began with, "Don't YOU start complaining! I've had this terrible cold, my sinuses are all blocked and I have hardly slept at all for days! We don't want to hear you complaining all the time!"
    I think I did say, "I haven't said a word," and then I walked out of the room.

    I learned that with co-workers like that, you can't win. I still chose to shut up, I only shared with a couple of people who really seemed to care, but I also had to show them the same courtesy in return.

    What I'm saying - it can be complicated. Some things you can change, some things you can't. Being a supervisor isn't a popularity contest, you're not there to make friends, you're there to get people to work efficiently. Often keeping them happy is a good way to do this. But not always. You have to use your judgement. Keeping the workers involved by asking for their input and acting on it (at least on a trial basis) can help them feel heard, which can boost both morale and productivity (eventually).

    But if you're already doing that, then it's a case of shrug your shoulders and ignore the critics. At least they don't give you homework!

  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Think of it as a mental health day. So there- you aren'y lying. I wouldn't be anyone's friend as the manager. Command repesct, if they have they have problems getting along with you or one another, let their hours on the schedule reflect that-take some away. Fake it if you have trouble acting mean, but set the tone of the environment. It sounds like the workers are a little too big for their britches. You're in charge, fire their .......!!-Alyssa
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thanks guys..........
    It is all really so much more complicated than I could ever post or go into here. However, something will not let me call in sick when I am not, so I guess I will be there today.

    I have been managing 20 years, and for companies that are sweet, kind, and nurturing to their employees - and yet are firm, consistent, & have boundaries. Like a good parent.

    This company wants me to do all the warm fuzzy stuff without setting limits, unless the employees all agree on the limits. And when I set limits, without my employees all agreeing on them, I get in trouble because I am not embracing the "company's culture".

    Because of the this company's sickeningly sweet mgmt style, I was harassed by an employee for 6 months whom they would not let me fire, then she did a 180 and claimed I harassed her, and I almost got fired. I have been yelled at by employees, ignored, and blown off. (Not to mention a trash can pushed at me in anger, and a death threat.) The store has had to have the police called 2 times to escort 2 employees out of the building because they have been threatening, once to me, once to another manager.

    It truly is like being in a dyfunctional family. My manager will sit there and yell at me, and accuse me of things that are not true - and then turn back around and tell me I am not doing my job correctly because an employee is not happy. (She can berate me and make me feel like poo, somehow that is OK with this company.) I feel insane and unsafe evertime I go there.

    And yet you all are completely correct. Now is not the time to find a new job...........which just makes me sad, sad, sad.:(
    Surely there is a way to find something, somehow.
    Thanks for listening. I guess I will go to work.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    (((hugs))) Steely

    I don't know how you haven't walked out on that company a long time ago. I know the economy hoovers at the moment, but you can still look for better prospects. Never hurts to look, even if you can't act just yet. And who knows, you just might find a good solid company who's dying to have an excellent manager such as you.

    I'd take the day off. There are other types of "sick". Right now your heartsick and need a mental break from them. If I were you and had a chance at a 3 day break from that bunch.........I'd jump at the chance.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    My thoughts in a nutshell: take the Mental health days when you need them, follow your passion (but not quitting the day job just yet), take care of yourself by eating right and exercising/walking and affirmations.

    There are different types of management style and you have to find the one that reflects your beliefs or it won't be authentic and people will see through it. Be yourself, you're awesome!


  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Work has been my get away. When I interviewed for an overnight data entry job, the interviewers thought my answer to the question, "How do you handle stress?" was unique. My answer was, "I go to work!" I have always had jobs that I love and need that as a break from home. I have always been good at handling work stress. I am not a very good 24/7 mom so if I can park my kids in a safe place and escape for a little while, I really think that makes me a better mom.

    For some people, home is their get away. They have extremely stressful jobs and recharge when at home.

    You are facing the hardest home stress of anyone I know. Your emotional struggles and time put into your son's well being is draining. You need a job that will recharge you.

    So, my vote: Never leave a job unless you have another lined up. Go out and look for another job even if it is in a new area of interest. You need a place that you can work at that you enjoy the co-workers. Where everyone is kind to each other and goes out of their way to help each other out.
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    You hit the nail on the head. That is perfect. And the same thing I have been mulling over for the last 3 days. I am just me, I have been a manager for so long, that to sit here and re-examine myself through their looking glass and try to live up to their ideals is silly. If I know I can manage effectively, the key is to simply find a place that values my kind of mgmt - not squeeze myself into their jello mold.

    On a happy note. I went to work anyway, because I am just neurotic that way - and I decided to not be a manager - but just me. I just joked and had fun, and laughed with people - and the employees that came to me with problems, I just "listened" to, but not really - cause today - I did not care.

    It was nice.
  11. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I know this sounds horrible, but at jobs like that, when I found myself so stressed and trying to fix and do everything. But not getting anywhere.
    When I just stopped caring, I had such a better time and ended up doing a better job.
    I would reach the moment when I would feel like, "What is the worst that can happen at this point? They fire me?" "Who cares!"
    After that I ended up having a great work relationship with everyone else, because I wasn't trying so hard, or trying to fix everything.

    Glad you had a good day!