I hate my life

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Apr 19, 2010.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Warning: Rant ahead (go on to the next note if you've had enough rants)

    I tried twice to type in notes this weekend ... long notes ... but the computer ate them. Just as well. They were just rants, the same old thing.

    I can ditto Gcvmom's note. Homework isn't done. difficult child is in bed ... or on the couch ... or elsewhere, as long as he's not at the kitchen table doing homework.

    He overslept every day last wk. Said he had headaches.

    Amazing ... after I took away all of his DVDs, his PSP, Ps2, changed my computer password again, and hired a locksmith to change all the locks, his headaches went away! And after I took him to the pediatrician, the local children's hospital for an Xray (the dr was more concerned with-difficult child's smashed finger than his headache, after asking him how many hrs of sleep he gets per night, and how often he plays video games... sigh ...) and to the chiropractor, he finally realized that headaches would get him out of class but into a dr's ofc.

    A good night's sleep and the headaches are gone. What an amazing coincidence.

    Now *I* have a headache. difficult child was on my case all Fri afternoon, all day Sat and Sun. I am exhausted. He has so much perseverance, so much staying power it is unbelievable. At one point, I just laid on the couch with-an ice pack at the back of my neck, closed my eyes, and tuned him out (although it's hard to tune out a 13-yr-old boy who's screaming the F-word for 45 min and alternately telling me he hates me, loves me, can't help what he does, can help what he does but it's going to take another 10 yrs ...).:confused:

    I hired a tutor, who just dropped off difficult child Thur because difficult child was so rude to him, he couldn't teach anything. He promised to come back Sun. I left 3 msgs and he didn't return any of them and never showed up on Sun. :(

    Last night at dinner, husband made a statement about how humans are the only animals that can plan 5 min. into the future. I said, "Really? I thought I read somewhere that some scientists discovered that ..." Before I could finish, (and of course, I can't recall which animal it was or where I saw the article and right now I couldn't care less, and that's putting it nicely) husband said, "There you go again. You've always got to correct me. You know you can never let me say anything that you don't correct."

    "See?" added difficult child. "That's the same thing she does to me."

    "I was just adding to the conversation," I said. "I had no idea ..."
    and I did my best not to ruin dinner by crying at the table, but I was so exhausted and fragile I just put my head down on my arms and cried anyway.

    I cannot be perfect. I can't even come close. I can't even have a conversation with-anyone in my family for fear they're going to blow up at me (difficult child) or have their male ego shattered (husband).
    Or both.

    Don't even get me started on my 81-yr-old cousin, who thinks she's going to get her driver's lic in VA, when she hasn't remembered to pay taxes since 2004 and can't remember when she last took her pain medications.
    Or my 89-yr-old dad, who has Alzheimer's, but who, like my cousin and my son, hates to brush his teeth or shower. (I flew to MN a cpl wks ago to be with-him.)

    On top of it, the locksmith scr*wed up my office deadbolt and I was locked out of my own office last night and this a.m., where I had to get on the computer to pay bills, get a bank deposit, renew my passport, email photos to a client ... blah blah blah ...

    I am surrounded by stubborn, smelly, uncooperative people.
    Life hoovers.
    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Terry,

    I'm sending gentle hugs your way..... I completely understand because I often feel that the guys at my house are ganging up on me, and the care of my elderly mom becomes overwhelming. I could use a loooooong vacation from them all. How about you?

    Valerie
     
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Absolutely.

    I just read two good articles about our parallel lives. One was in AARP magazine, and the other in SPECTRUM magazine. They talked about the sandwich generation, with-either/or/both the child and elderly parent having special needs.

    There are a lot of us out there.

    Sigh.
     
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Terry - you need a break! Find a way to get one. If you don't you will have a break down.
    I do not care what it takes. Find a way to get a few hours a day or every other day to just get out and do something for you.

    Obviously, you and husband and difficult child are all not communicating properly. If they think you are trying to correct their every word when you are just trying to have a conversation.....that is way disconnected.
    What did they do when you put your head down and cried?

    HUGS!!!!!
     
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    {{{Hugs}}}

    Terry, have you seriously looked into some sort of residential arrangement--Residential Treatment Center (RTC), wilderness, emotional growth, etc? I know you have given difficult child a tremendous effort throughout his life, but maybe it would be worth it to find a setting where his core issues could be addressed. It just seems like these same dysfunctional behaviors keep cycling over and over. You desperately need a break and maybe he would benefit from a whole different approach with a whole different treatment staff.
     
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Terry--

    I'm so sorry to hear you are living this...

    Unfortunately, I am in much the same boat. Living with difficult child is a daily struggle AND I seem to be everyone's "punching bag"..their "stress relief". Having a bad day? O yes, take it out on me--that will make you feel better.

    What no one seems to understand is that no matter how often others tell you "don't take it so personally"..."relax"..."take a break"..."don't get caught up in it"....we, the Moms, never truly get a day off. So while others can breeze in and out of their dealings with difficult child (like that nice tutor of yours)...Moms are stuck.

    Sending you ((((hugs)))) and strength...

    --DaisyFace
     
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Terry-

    Are you able to do any self-care? You sound as though you are being torn apart at the seams. I agree with SRL that it may be time to consider an out of home placement. :( {{{Hugs}}}
     
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Sorry, hon. I know how you feel.

    On a side note -- the "F" bombs difficult child is dropping got me wondering whether your he has ever tried one of the mood stabilizer medications to see if it had any effect on his nastiness. It's helping my difficult child 1 so far. He's far less explosive, and when he DOES get irritable, he is able to acknowledge it now, articulate what's bugging him, and even apologize for his behavior. Before, it was just a rapid spiral into ugliness, destruction, and emotional mayhem, and it was everyone else's fault.

    I'm humming the McDonald's theme song, "You Deserve A Break Today", only don't go to McDonald's... go someplace by yourself for the weekend if you can swing it.
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry. I remember so vividly those days. Oh wait...no wonder! They only got less frequent in the past year! Guess that isnt much good news huh?

    I was part of the sandwich generation for quite awhile. I had teens and my alzheimers mom living with me. It was tough! I wanted to run screaming into the hills. I also know what its like for all the males not to understand a female. Living with all guys is hard. They simply dont get female speak. I have spent many an hour/day in tears because they dont understand what Im saying. It bites.

    Ya know, we try to get up to your area at some point during the year to fish. Next time we do, Im gonna email you and maybe we can meet up for a drink or three! You can get me away from my daughter in law...lol.
     
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

    Seriously, Terry, one can only take so much. You need to get away. A weekend, a day spa, a night in a hotel, anything. Hell, I have a couch and a difficult child that has been more typical teen than difficult child. My house is open. I can even kick easy child and DF out of their room and you can have their bed (it's really comfy). It's really laid back here. :D Maybe you should make a tour of the Eastern states gathering rest, strength and support from all of us here who get it. Road trip!

    You do so much taking care of everyone else's needs. It's time to make YOUR needs priority #1. Yesterday.

    (((hugs)))
     
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many, many hugs. Please do your best to take care of you.
     
  12. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Don't you want to take a baseball bat and just destroy everything around you so someone can see you are drowning?

    Hugs.
     
  13. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I've so many times have wanted to write a post with the exact same title: I Hate My Life.

    Son was gone yesterday afternoon, and when I heard him come in the front door, I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Of course, he never fails to deliver and ended up in my bedroom seeking respite from him. I decided to do some work on a school project and I get, "Gee, that is ALL YOU DO- SIT AROUND!" I'm telling ya, it was all I could do to not rip him to shreds and stomp him into dust.

    I'm so sorry. I don't know...but perhaps it's time you not give a rats patootie what either of them think. At least for right now. Perfection doesn't exist and is a myth.

    Other than that I don't have any insight or advice..but sending lot of understanding and gentle hugs.
     
  14. Yes, I know exactly how you feel...and I must think "I hate my life" on a daily basis lol. I'm convinced that I must've been some horrible child murderer in a past life to deserve this now:(.

    I've also been told I do nothing but sit around (two jobs and fulltime school plus MY SON who has a category all his own lol) and I felt like you were actually talking about my son when you said he just sat there screaming out the f-bomb for 45min. I've done that with him...while people try to be normal around this 12 year old just screaming out vile things, some of which nobody in my house even says!! Sometimes later, the rest of my family (alone after difficult child finally crashes into oblivious, beautiful sleep) have to laugh at the absurdity of it.

    I'm sorry. Just think in a day....or 10....he'll be in a good mood and you can hold onto that for a little while.

    MK
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending soft and gentle hugs to you. I am so sorry things are so rough.

    Is it time to think about some sort of emotional growth boarding school or Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? It IS time to think about respite for YOU. Want to come explore? I am sure we could map out a trip so you could visit any area of the country you want and hook up with a friend.
     
  16. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Terry,
    Many understanding hugs sent your way. Sending cyber chocolate and a glass of wine your way. You really do deserve a break-any chance of getting away?
     
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all. You are so great.

    difficult child is doing much better today. He apologized on the way home from school. He turned in all of his work and it was a great relief to him. We went to the grocery store together and he stayed in a good mood the entire time, even pushed the cart out to the car and carried in a cpl bags of groceries. Shock! Either he got a case of the guilts or husband gave him a talking to.
    I told him I appreciated his apology but I was worn out and it was going to take me a while to recover. He said he understood. (Hmm. That does sound like a prep job by husband. But at least difficult child gave the right replies.)

    I'd love to do the baseball bat thing but I already pulled a muscle in my arm ... the same muscle all the time ... I think something with metal might be nice, maybe a crowbar ...

    Yes, I'd love to send him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). We are mtng with-the psychologist tomorrow and I am going to tell him one of us has to go. I don't know what sorts of places are around here. Plus, I already signed up difficult child for 3 camps this summer. They're only a wk ea but better than nothing.

    I also like the idea of a mood stabilizer. And I think I mentioned on another thread that I'm not thrill with-our psychiatrist and am looking around. I've been on 2 waiting lists for 5 mo's and they were supposed to be 2 mo's. Sigh.

    Meanwhile, difficult child wants me to cuddle. Geez. What a rollercoaster.
     
  19. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Terry, for the both of you I really hope you'll move on this. I can just imagine how years of dealing with this mostly on your own has drained you.

    Unless your situation is critical and/or difficult child is in need of immediate medical attention, the best matchup in residential treatment often isn't what's available locally, but is the program in the US that matches their individual needs. It's understandable to want something close to home, but some of the more successful stories I'm hearing are coming from families that have done a wide search, and who opted for the most suitable program even if it wasn't in state.

    Check out the article section at Struggling Teens:
    http://www.strugglingteens.com/

    When was the last time you had a break, as in when your difficult child had a period of stability and/or was making good forward progress?
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2010
  20. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Oh, I hate it when they want to cuddle or hug after they have been complete jerks. Just makes me want to scream.

    I am glad you are trying to get in to see another psychiatrist, maybe with the right medications it will help? If my difficult child took that much adderall I would want to kill him, especially if he did not take his mood stabilizer or ap.

    As for summer camp? Sign him up for a few more!

    Hugs
     
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