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I hate to whine and vent but I dont have anyone else
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 477030" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Janet my long time friend! First hugs. Second, boy do I get it! In honesty fashion my s/o will help sober differ there. But the rest? I relate 100%. I can't do this stuff without major help either. Period. Full stop. I hate it. I'm sure s/ o must hate it. My house? It's a problem. I've managed to hide it from visitors by closing doors, nobody is allowed to open a closet or bedroom door (easy child's room is great but our room and Matt's former room no way!). Walk on pantry and cupboards no way. Laundry room no way same as utility room. My bedroom is not restful. I loathe being in it and I've on occasion been reduced to tears. It's gotten so big I can't begin and s/o is equally overwhelmed. Coupled with needing his help for it all and his work schedule well it grows and lingers. It's morale breaking at minimum. </p><p></p><p>I read this thread to s/o and shared a bit of your history and more about your disability. Something sparked in hearing it in relation to he emotional effect on you and he said that's it. We are doing this. The guy in him kicked in. Make reasonable and achievable plan and god and deadline then execute. I feel lighter even though we don't seart until tomorrow. I wish I could help tony see and understand like this. It's so less daunting tonight with s/I on board and seeing it through my eyes. I do wish that for you. Barring that I wish for you a solution to reclaim a peaceful and manageable home. </p><p></p><p>We took a lot of thought from the responses in this thread. The goal is no longer organizing it all and te old goals that were not met. Our goal now is a home that "I" can manage long term and maintain. We are no longer boxing stuff to find new homes for. Always ends up here for ages and grows our problem. We are just looking at it is a huge massive down sizing. Agenda no longer can be recycle, pass on to others, keep so I can fit clothes if weight changes, keep clutter because they were gifts etc. we are going for keeping what we use. What we need. That's it. The rest is going two places. A truck to the landfill. A truck to a charity shop. Not in bits and starts. A pile is going in the back for trash. When it's all done it goes in one dump run with a guy out of the paper. Spare room is the charity shop depot. When done he guy can return after dump run and it all goes from the room to the charity shop at once. </p><p></p><p>We are not over thinking. No "oh I loves this". Or "but his was expensive". None of hay matters if today its all become a burden. We are just doing it with he thought of getting every burden filled item out of this house. My reward is this gutted house that I can then fix up as I will enjoy. When those truck trips are done I get to dust and have help to put what we keep in order. Imagine how easy to clean and fix it up with no useless stuff on the way? There will be a place for everything because all those burdens will be gone. </p><p></p><p>New house rule: nobody will be storing their things here. Ever. Ever. Nobody will be passing their thigs on to us with rare exceptions if someone is getting rid of something we really need and were actually ready to spend money buying. Say if our microwave broke and someone had one we take it But when my neighbor cleans her garage and says oh could you use this or that! Nope! Even free, even I'd I like it. Today's free stuff can be tomorrows burden. </p><p></p><p>I say it Tiny can't get into he right spirit of tackling this, borrow this relentless approach. Gut gut gut. Empty that unused family room first. That's Cory's first task. Be quick firm and ruthless. Goal only that YOU let go of all that leads to burden. Once emptied your charity room. Straight there in boxes and bags. Tell Cory what goes in there and what goes back out to the yard in he trash pile. Any person around says they want something tell them out it in their vehicle NOW or it goes to trash pile or charity room. </p><p></p><p>Don't organize the keep stuff during this. Just get every room gutted of burden. What's left? Pass quick through again. Odds are some stuff kept will feel now like burden stuff. Liberating your home will create more openness to tossing even more. Then get that dump run and charity shop run. </p><p></p><p>Then get Cory back and room by room dust and windex what you can. Cory can do what you can't plus mop and vacuum. Then the fun. Arranging it all as you want it.</p><p></p><p>Cory wants that phone? No reason not to reward his hlp with hat as a sign of appreciation. Same with anyone ready to help. </p><p></p><p>Maybe with progress Tony will jump on board and help. Or he won't. For now put aside that hurt at his lack of involvement. Do this for yourself. For your happiness and peace in your own home. Just think if you would move to a one bedroom apartment what you would take. Thata what stays. The rest? Charity shop or dump. </p><p></p><p>It wont fix the stuff boiling underneath with tony. It will give you what you do need in terms of unburdening this growing problem.</p><p></p><p>Wanna share through email our befor pics? I'll send pics of my secrets, closets, rooms unused etc if you will. Then we ca share outlet after pics? Heck when we both ate done ill pay for a international call, we can have a chat and tea or wine and share what it feels like to be done.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 477030, member: 4264"] Janet my long time friend! First hugs. Second, boy do I get it! In honesty fashion my s/o will help sober differ there. But the rest? I relate 100%. I can't do this stuff without major help either. Period. Full stop. I hate it. I'm sure s/ o must hate it. My house? It's a problem. I've managed to hide it from visitors by closing doors, nobody is allowed to open a closet or bedroom door (easy child's room is great but our room and Matt's former room no way!). Walk on pantry and cupboards no way. Laundry room no way same as utility room. My bedroom is not restful. I loathe being in it and I've on occasion been reduced to tears. It's gotten so big I can't begin and s/o is equally overwhelmed. Coupled with needing his help for it all and his work schedule well it grows and lingers. It's morale breaking at minimum. I read this thread to s/o and shared a bit of your history and more about your disability. Something sparked in hearing it in relation to he emotional effect on you and he said that's it. We are doing this. The guy in him kicked in. Make reasonable and achievable plan and god and deadline then execute. I feel lighter even though we don't seart until tomorrow. I wish I could help tony see and understand like this. It's so less daunting tonight with s/I on board and seeing it through my eyes. I do wish that for you. Barring that I wish for you a solution to reclaim a peaceful and manageable home. We took a lot of thought from the responses in this thread. The goal is no longer organizing it all and te old goals that were not met. Our goal now is a home that "I" can manage long term and maintain. We are no longer boxing stuff to find new homes for. Always ends up here for ages and grows our problem. We are just looking at it is a huge massive down sizing. Agenda no longer can be recycle, pass on to others, keep so I can fit clothes if weight changes, keep clutter because they were gifts etc. we are going for keeping what we use. What we need. That's it. The rest is going two places. A truck to the landfill. A truck to a charity shop. Not in bits and starts. A pile is going in the back for trash. When it's all done it goes in one dump run with a guy out of the paper. Spare room is the charity shop depot. When done he guy can return after dump run and it all goes from the room to the charity shop at once. We are not over thinking. No "oh I loves this". Or "but his was expensive". None of hay matters if today its all become a burden. We are just doing it with he thought of getting every burden filled item out of this house. My reward is this gutted house that I can then fix up as I will enjoy. When those truck trips are done I get to dust and have help to put what we keep in order. Imagine how easy to clean and fix it up with no useless stuff on the way? There will be a place for everything because all those burdens will be gone. New house rule: nobody will be storing their things here. Ever. Ever. Nobody will be passing their thigs on to us with rare exceptions if someone is getting rid of something we really need and were actually ready to spend money buying. Say if our microwave broke and someone had one we take it But when my neighbor cleans her garage and says oh could you use this or that! Nope! Even free, even I'd I like it. Today's free stuff can be tomorrows burden. I say it Tiny can't get into he right spirit of tackling this, borrow this relentless approach. Gut gut gut. Empty that unused family room first. That's Cory's first task. Be quick firm and ruthless. Goal only that YOU let go of all that leads to burden. Once emptied your charity room. Straight there in boxes and bags. Tell Cory what goes in there and what goes back out to the yard in he trash pile. Any person around says they want something tell them out it in their vehicle NOW or it goes to trash pile or charity room. Don't organize the keep stuff during this. Just get every room gutted of burden. What's left? Pass quick through again. Odds are some stuff kept will feel now like burden stuff. Liberating your home will create more openness to tossing even more. Then get that dump run and charity shop run. Then get Cory back and room by room dust and windex what you can. Cory can do what you can't plus mop and vacuum. Then the fun. Arranging it all as you want it. Cory wants that phone? No reason not to reward his hlp with hat as a sign of appreciation. Same with anyone ready to help. Maybe with progress Tony will jump on board and help. Or he won't. For now put aside that hurt at his lack of involvement. Do this for yourself. For your happiness and peace in your own home. Just think if you would move to a one bedroom apartment what you would take. Thata what stays. The rest? Charity shop or dump. It wont fix the stuff boiling underneath with tony. It will give you what you do need in terms of unburdening this growing problem. Wanna share through email our befor pics? I'll send pics of my secrets, closets, rooms unused etc if you will. Then we ca share outlet after pics? Heck when we both ate done ill pay for a international call, we can have a chat and tea or wine and share what it feels like to be done. [/QUOTE]
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