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I have to let go..
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<blockquote data-quote="dragonfly57" data-source="post: 764204" data-attributes="member: 32228"><p>Hi Worndown68, Thank You for taking the time to read my post and reply. It really means a lot. I am sorry for your pain. I am new here too. I understand about the numbness. I think maybe it's our body's natural response to coping with so much grief. I often thought I should have kept a journal, but like takes over and I felt exhausted. I found it hard to keep reliving the moments as well, so I just tucked away another day. Then all the days, 20 plus years worth, have now taken over and that is who and what we become, a reflection of someone else's bad choices. It then manifests itself in anxiety, depression, illness and unhealthy coping choices. Like New Leaf pointed out, this is my rock bottom and there is no other way but up. So, I too have a choice, recognize I can only fix myself and that I have no control over anyone else, or choose to stay down in the muck pit. I choose to grab hold of the lifeline leading upward because I am worth it too. I will start by taking it one day at a time as suggested by others here. I do believe it will make it more manageable. Be kind to yourself. Do what you can. If and when you are ready to journal, that is for you and no one else. </p><p></p><p>Big hugs and love right back to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dragonfly57, post: 764204, member: 32228"] Hi Worndown68, Thank You for taking the time to read my post and reply. It really means a lot. I am sorry for your pain. I am new here too. I understand about the numbness. I think maybe it's our body's natural response to coping with so much grief. I often thought I should have kept a journal, but like takes over and I felt exhausted. I found it hard to keep reliving the moments as well, so I just tucked away another day. Then all the days, 20 plus years worth, have now taken over and that is who and what we become, a reflection of someone else's bad choices. It then manifests itself in anxiety, depression, illness and unhealthy coping choices. Like New Leaf pointed out, this is my rock bottom and there is no other way but up. So, I too have a choice, recognize I can only fix myself and that I have no control over anyone else, or choose to stay down in the muck pit. I choose to grab hold of the lifeline leading upward because I am worth it too. I will start by taking it one day at a time as suggested by others here. I do believe it will make it more manageable. Be kind to yourself. Do what you can. If and when you are ready to journal, that is for you and no one else. Big hugs and love right back to you. [/QUOTE]
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