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I just cant be nice to her anymore!!! Help
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 169061" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>This is tough sometimes, Bran. With me, it seems like just because difficult child "changes mood", I can't always bounce back that quickly. Even thoug I know he has issues, there is a part of me that can't always forget everything that has happened the night before or week before. I don't think that makes us bad parents. Obviously, if it gets to a point where <em>we can't</em> get over it within a reasonable amount of time and we are harboring resentment toward our kid, then we need to get some help. But what I hear you saying is that your difficult child decided to be reasonable for a while and you didn't suddenly forget everything that has been happening- I think that is just human, And NOT being in denial.</p><p></p><p>What to do about it- well, sometimes I have to find a little time alone- away from difficult child- to get past my negative feelings and start thinking positive again and find my "hope" again so I don't give up. Once I get past some of that, I either try to have a heart-to-heart with him (not like 2 adults getting real deep, but more of re-establishing some connection). Or, if that isn't coming easy, take a walk together and just chat a little or do like you are thinking about- I'll say something to him like "we've been under so much stress lately, I think we've been driving each other nuts and we need to take a break - how about we plan on a movie at home relaxing tomorrow night". Sometimes, we play a game of scrabble or watch the stand up comedians on tv. We have to break the ice and make up, so to speak. Of course, at some point in the near future, try to tell her that you really do appreciate her efforts to clean the bathroom. (It could be that she noticed she had reached her limit with you, too!!)</p><p></p><p>You're doing the best you can and are very in touch with your feelings. It is rough for us- parents and difficult child's. There is only so much that they are going to be able to understand about how we feel raising a difficult child- and that is probably how it should be- what can we do? It would be abusive if we laid into them telling them everything it put us through, really. on the other hand, I don't think we can truly understand or appreciate what they must go through either. I think of it like taking the normal generation gap between parents and teens and multiplying it by 1000. </p><p></p><p>I hope this has helped a little- HUGS!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 169061, member: 3699"] This is tough sometimes, Bran. With me, it seems like just because difficult child "changes mood", I can't always bounce back that quickly. Even thoug I know he has issues, there is a part of me that can't always forget everything that has happened the night before or week before. I don't think that makes us bad parents. Obviously, if it gets to a point where [I]we can't[/I] get over it within a reasonable amount of time and we are harboring resentment toward our kid, then we need to get some help. But what I hear you saying is that your difficult child decided to be reasonable for a while and you didn't suddenly forget everything that has been happening- I think that is just human, And NOT being in denial. What to do about it- well, sometimes I have to find a little time alone- away from difficult child- to get past my negative feelings and start thinking positive again and find my "hope" again so I don't give up. Once I get past some of that, I either try to have a heart-to-heart with him (not like 2 adults getting real deep, but more of re-establishing some connection). Or, if that isn't coming easy, take a walk together and just chat a little or do like you are thinking about- I'll say something to him like "we've been under so much stress lately, I think we've been driving each other nuts and we need to take a break - how about we plan on a movie at home relaxing tomorrow night". Sometimes, we play a game of scrabble or watch the stand up comedians on tv. We have to break the ice and make up, so to speak. Of course, at some point in the near future, try to tell her that you really do appreciate her efforts to clean the bathroom. (It could be that she noticed she had reached her limit with you, too!!) You're doing the best you can and are very in touch with your feelings. It is rough for us- parents and difficult child's. There is only so much that they are going to be able to understand about how we feel raising a difficult child- and that is probably how it should be- what can we do? It would be abusive if we laid into them telling them everything it put us through, really. on the other hand, I don't think we can truly understand or appreciate what they must go through either. I think of it like taking the normal generation gap between parents and teens and multiplying it by 1000. I hope this has helped a little- HUGS!! [/QUOTE]
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