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i just dont' know
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 406134" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am often similar to MWM and pepperidge. I am tremendously NOT a morning person but I forced myself to do mornings for YEARS. I did NOT do it well. Now, if I am up and in a decent mood I will be available in the mornings. If I have just woken up - they stay away. My husband and kids actually sat me down a few years ago and begged me to let them do mornings for themselves. I just was NOT functioning well and was upsetting everyone. The older 2 helped get thank you ready and fed, they all packed their lunches (Wiz started that in 1st grade by refusing to eat it if I packed it but if he packed it he ate it fine. Then Jess thought that it was cool to do her own lunch and poor thank you wasn't aware that any moms packed lunches, lol! So I have stuff available for lunches and we leave it at that.) and got themselves where they needed to go. If I have to drive someone they bring me a cup of coffee 30 min before we leave and then 5 min before they come get me.</p><p> </p><p>I never thought it would work, esp on days husband had to be at work early. But it works wonderfully. It was an eye opener. on the other hand, they come and get me at all hours of the night if they need something or are sick, so I am often up half the night with someone's bad dream or illness or whatever. </p><p> </p><p>I like the get in line routine. I actually called my husband's bluff after he had been on the "I shouldn't have been born, I should just kill myself" whine for a couple of months. Jessie was barely walking and Wiz was at school. I told him that I had heard enough, that talking like that was very dangerous to the kids and it wasn't to happen again. He had to decide, right then, if he wanted to do it or not. I told him he could either NEVER say that again, could tell me he was serious and wanted help and then we would find a therapist, or he could say he was serious and watned to do it. If it was the latter, I would go and get a gun and bullets and show him how to do it so that he wouldn't end up a vegetable that I had to take care of for decades, but if he wanted me to get a gun he had to do it or go to a psychiatric hospital. Period. </p><p> </p><p>He was shocked, to say the least, but it put an end to his self pity at that point. He refused to see a therapist, but he did find some books and things that helped him. Now he has said that he never really said that and I just wasn't listening to him because he is Catholic and would never say that. But he always denies he has ever been depressed after being on AD's for a couple of months. So I ignore that claim.</p><p> </p><p>You have to start empowering your family to find their own solutions, and to let those solutions be 'good enough'. Ask easy child what she intends to do about housetraining the dogs. She is the one who taught them to potty inside, so now she needs to figure out how to fix it. She can search for how to housetrain a dog online, then set up a program When she is home she must take them out AND clean up after them, and give you a WRITTEN list of directions so that you can take them out while she is in school. She can start to go to her friends' houses, the mall, etc... when the dogs are not pottying inside. Lock the dogs in HER ROOM when they have to go and she won't take them outside - then do NOT clean up the mess in her room. </p><p> </p><p>I am SERIOUS. You can't let her leave the mess in her room for long, but it will be nasty enough that she won't want it there anyway. If she refuses to retrain them, take them to the shelter or find a new home for them. Craigslist and freecycle both are options to help rehome them. I don't often recommend getting rid of a pet, but you are so swamped and pets are expensive. It would lessen the financial strain and teach the kids that if you cannot care for an animal you have NO business having one. </p><p></p><p>easy child is going to have a fit over having to care for the dog. So what? She will have a fit over something anyway, may as well be something that will benefit YOU. And if she has too many fits, the dogs can be rehomed. period. Be sure to tell her, upfront, that if she cannot care for them or has fits about it, then it is clear that they cannot stay because they are not being treated properly. Don't make the statement if you won't carry it out. My kids NEVER believed I would rehome our bird but they learned otherwise. The first time I tried to find a home the only replies were from 2 bird hoarders, which I learned when I called the humane society/animal control to check on them as potential owners. Then I relisted after more promises to clean the cage, make sure the food and water were full,etc... were not followed through. It was a shock to them, but you can bet they feed the cat and clean his box regularly! Again, I listed the bird and had a hoarder reply, then a lady who had her bird die a few months before saw my ad. Her cat was mourning the loss of her bird, and our bird was mourning the death of our older cat Freckles (in each case the cat and bird were bffs, odd as it sounds). I get email updates and now our old bird and her cat are bffs and very happy together. The bird has even begun to sing again, which she had stopped doing completely for us. </p><p> </p><p>You will NOT be the first couple to discuss sex with a reverend or priest. it is part of married life and many many couples have issues to work out. So finding a priest or pastor can be an excellent resource, esp if you cannot afford the $$ that many private practice therapists charge. most pastors/priests receive a LOT of training in counselling as part of their studies, so they can be super effective. The best help my husband ever has gotten has been from some of the priests he has known. For us it won't work for marital counseling because I have long ago trauma and issues from the priests/nuns at the Cath school I went to for elementary. I just don't trust them and cannot open up to them. But for indiv therapy it has been great for him at different times.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 406134, member: 1233"] I am often similar to MWM and pepperidge. I am tremendously NOT a morning person but I forced myself to do mornings for YEARS. I did NOT do it well. Now, if I am up and in a decent mood I will be available in the mornings. If I have just woken up - they stay away. My husband and kids actually sat me down a few years ago and begged me to let them do mornings for themselves. I just was NOT functioning well and was upsetting everyone. The older 2 helped get thank you ready and fed, they all packed their lunches (Wiz started that in 1st grade by refusing to eat it if I packed it but if he packed it he ate it fine. Then Jess thought that it was cool to do her own lunch and poor thank you wasn't aware that any moms packed lunches, lol! So I have stuff available for lunches and we leave it at that.) and got themselves where they needed to go. If I have to drive someone they bring me a cup of coffee 30 min before we leave and then 5 min before they come get me. I never thought it would work, esp on days husband had to be at work early. But it works wonderfully. It was an eye opener. on the other hand, they come and get me at all hours of the night if they need something or are sick, so I am often up half the night with someone's bad dream or illness or whatever. I like the get in line routine. I actually called my husband's bluff after he had been on the "I shouldn't have been born, I should just kill myself" whine for a couple of months. Jessie was barely walking and Wiz was at school. I told him that I had heard enough, that talking like that was very dangerous to the kids and it wasn't to happen again. He had to decide, right then, if he wanted to do it or not. I told him he could either NEVER say that again, could tell me he was serious and wanted help and then we would find a therapist, or he could say he was serious and watned to do it. If it was the latter, I would go and get a gun and bullets and show him how to do it so that he wouldn't end up a vegetable that I had to take care of for decades, but if he wanted me to get a gun he had to do it or go to a psychiatric hospital. Period. He was shocked, to say the least, but it put an end to his self pity at that point. He refused to see a therapist, but he did find some books and things that helped him. Now he has said that he never really said that and I just wasn't listening to him because he is Catholic and would never say that. But he always denies he has ever been depressed after being on AD's for a couple of months. So I ignore that claim. You have to start empowering your family to find their own solutions, and to let those solutions be 'good enough'. Ask easy child what she intends to do about housetraining the dogs. She is the one who taught them to potty inside, so now she needs to figure out how to fix it. She can search for how to housetrain a dog online, then set up a program When she is home she must take them out AND clean up after them, and give you a WRITTEN list of directions so that you can take them out while she is in school. She can start to go to her friends' houses, the mall, etc... when the dogs are not pottying inside. Lock the dogs in HER ROOM when they have to go and she won't take them outside - then do NOT clean up the mess in her room. I am SERIOUS. You can't let her leave the mess in her room for long, but it will be nasty enough that she won't want it there anyway. If she refuses to retrain them, take them to the shelter or find a new home for them. Craigslist and freecycle both are options to help rehome them. I don't often recommend getting rid of a pet, but you are so swamped and pets are expensive. It would lessen the financial strain and teach the kids that if you cannot care for an animal you have NO business having one. easy child is going to have a fit over having to care for the dog. So what? She will have a fit over something anyway, may as well be something that will benefit YOU. And if she has too many fits, the dogs can be rehomed. period. Be sure to tell her, upfront, that if she cannot care for them or has fits about it, then it is clear that they cannot stay because they are not being treated properly. Don't make the statement if you won't carry it out. My kids NEVER believed I would rehome our bird but they learned otherwise. The first time I tried to find a home the only replies were from 2 bird hoarders, which I learned when I called the humane society/animal control to check on them as potential owners. Then I relisted after more promises to clean the cage, make sure the food and water were full,etc... were not followed through. It was a shock to them, but you can bet they feed the cat and clean his box regularly! Again, I listed the bird and had a hoarder reply, then a lady who had her bird die a few months before saw my ad. Her cat was mourning the loss of her bird, and our bird was mourning the death of our older cat Freckles (in each case the cat and bird were bffs, odd as it sounds). I get email updates and now our old bird and her cat are bffs and very happy together. The bird has even begun to sing again, which she had stopped doing completely for us. You will NOT be the first couple to discuss sex with a reverend or priest. it is part of married life and many many couples have issues to work out. So finding a priest or pastor can be an excellent resource, esp if you cannot afford the $$ that many private practice therapists charge. most pastors/priests receive a LOT of training in counselling as part of their studies, so they can be super effective. The best help my husband ever has gotten has been from some of the priests he has known. For us it won't work for marital counseling because I have long ago trauma and issues from the priests/nuns at the Cath school I went to for elementary. I just don't trust them and cannot open up to them. But for indiv therapy it has been great for him at different times. [/QUOTE]
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