Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
i just dont' know
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 406227" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm with Susie on discussing it. Trouble is, especially when times are tough/you don't feel like it because you're too tired/he's demanding it more often because he feels insecure, you are far less likely to either of you want to talk about it. But tat is when you most need to.</p><p></p><p>You need to sit down (it's that 3 am conversation you may need to have - or a shack! Thanks to DDD's typo) purely to sort this out between you. You need to form your own loving contract. It doesn't have to be in writing, but it does need to be mutually agreed.</p><p></p><p>For example, you could agree that you always have the right to say no, but you also need to watch the calendar and realise that if you say no five nights in a row, you need to make more effort. He needs to understand that if you agree just to shut him up, that is not good and builds up a negative conditioned response in you.</p><p></p><p>If he wants sex more often, he needs to make it more attractive to you, and to work to overcome YOUR obstacles. And your main obstacle, I suspect, is exhaustion. And then apathy, and habit.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes you actually need to make an appointment for sex. It is difficult with your very demanding kids, but here is another wrinkle - especially as they get older, the idea of "old people" like parents having sex gets really ooky. If they realise that they'd better not interrupt you or you'll make it clear that they have interrupted something they don't want to know about, they may learn to leave you alone when the bedroom door is closed with vaseline on the doorknob (the vaseline is to stop them getting a grip to open the door).</p><p></p><p>Sex is therapeutic when you're stressed. For both of you. It also will reduce your stress levels a little, if you work to reduce his. I know I get a lot more active help from husband when he is feeling satisfied. And it's not easy for us, because I have physical limitations that greatly interfere with our sexual relationship. We sometimes have to be very inventive and to plan. And have alternatives. There is nothing wrong with alternatives. Just make sure you leave your radio playing, to drown out the sound of battery-powered devices! Or not - it might add pressure on the girls to leave you alone at such times!</p><p></p><p>But to begin with, talk to one another and make plans. Then stick to them. Follow through with an agreement, unless you're throwing up from headache pain.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 406227, member: 1991"] I'm with Susie on discussing it. Trouble is, especially when times are tough/you don't feel like it because you're too tired/he's demanding it more often because he feels insecure, you are far less likely to either of you want to talk about it. But tat is when you most need to. You need to sit down (it's that 3 am conversation you may need to have - or a shack! Thanks to DDD's typo) purely to sort this out between you. You need to form your own loving contract. It doesn't have to be in writing, but it does need to be mutually agreed. For example, you could agree that you always have the right to say no, but you also need to watch the calendar and realise that if you say no five nights in a row, you need to make more effort. He needs to understand that if you agree just to shut him up, that is not good and builds up a negative conditioned response in you. If he wants sex more often, he needs to make it more attractive to you, and to work to overcome YOUR obstacles. And your main obstacle, I suspect, is exhaustion. And then apathy, and habit. Sometimes you actually need to make an appointment for sex. It is difficult with your very demanding kids, but here is another wrinkle - especially as they get older, the idea of "old people" like parents having sex gets really ooky. If they realise that they'd better not interrupt you or you'll make it clear that they have interrupted something they don't want to know about, they may learn to leave you alone when the bedroom door is closed with vaseline on the doorknob (the vaseline is to stop them getting a grip to open the door). Sex is therapeutic when you're stressed. For both of you. It also will reduce your stress levels a little, if you work to reduce his. I know I get a lot more active help from husband when he is feeling satisfied. And it's not easy for us, because I have physical limitations that greatly interfere with our sexual relationship. We sometimes have to be very inventive and to plan. And have alternatives. There is nothing wrong with alternatives. Just make sure you leave your radio playing, to drown out the sound of battery-powered devices! Or not - it might add pressure on the girls to leave you alone at such times! But to begin with, talk to one another and make plans. Then stick to them. Follow through with an agreement, unless you're throwing up from headache pain. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
i just dont' know
Top