I just want to give up....(long)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by me and my bunch, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. me and my bunch

    me and my bunch New Member

    It's been a long time since I've posted, but I've been reading. I'm at a point where I don't know what to do.

    We have more services in place for my difficult child, than I know what to do with. We have DMH, Family Continuity,counseling, a mentor, and we are supposed to have a home health aide a couple nights a week, in case I have errands or take a class or something, we just can't seem to get the right fit for Zach. He's in school pretty much all year, mostly all day from 8-5, his school is until 2 then he has someone from the school, for after school "mentoring" for lack of better word. He only gets maybe a total of 2-3 weeks off during the summer, usually right at the end of the school year, until right after 4th of July, then he gets a few days off just before labor day weekend, then the new school year begins...oh, he also goes to respite every other weekend.

    Things have been going well, for the most part, the biggest issue is the fact that my easy child's (twin girls) don't get along with him at all.They make comments, like you smell, your stupid, along those line, along those lines...not to mention when he's wound up about something, they like to push buttons. More one of them then both.

    Anyway, we had a glitch in the scheduling, when he has a break from school and since he's too old for daycare, we save up his "respite" time so he can go for the break thru the weekend. For example, he was supposed to go from this past Thursday, thru Sunday. Well, here's the glitch, the "respite" said on Monday, they didn't have a bed for him for Thursday night. Now mind you I confirmed 2 weeks ago with "respite" that he would be able to go for those days, just in case. Not a problem I was told. So family continuity case manager called on Monday to verify and he was told not Thursday. Well, late Wednesday night i get told, I MAY be able to take him on Thursday, but not sure. We can't go that route, I made other arrangements. husband was supposed to stay home an extra hour before he went to work (he works odd shift) then the visiting nurse was supposed to come and hang out for a little, to break things up. Well, due to circumstances beyond anyones control, all fell thru. Now mind you, we haven't had many issues with the kids, just basic garbage...so we thought leaving 2 16 year olds and 2 13 year olds would be okay for the afternoon. I just started my job, about 2 weeks ago, so asking for time off, kind of a problem. Anyway, Zach and the girls argued, zach raged, broke back storm door, punch twin 2 in head, twin 2 bit him. husband got a call, came right home from work. I called Family continuity, which is what I am supposed to do, with any kind of issue or problem. When husband came home, Zach was in his room, crying, but calm. I come home from work, family therapist is here, 'cause we have that scheduled, she tells me that I have to have him evaluated, and he needs to be put in hospital. NO he doesn't! I tell them. He's fine, yes he raged, yes, he was wrong, yes he didn't utilize his coping skills that he's learned over the years, yes the girls kept at him as well. but NO he doesn't need to go in patient. He needs his respite, like planned, but got screwed up. He was due to go Friday, (which he did). I did what I was told, I took him up, got there at 6:30, got home at 1:45 am. husband took him to respite Friday am.

    Now, Friday, I am told that a 51A (department of social services) is being filed on me for neglect. :smile: For what, I ask, because I left the kids alone. Now mind you I spoke with his case manager about it earlier in the week, and he even said, that they all have to deal, and get along and I was going to have to start leaving them. We take Zach basically everywhere we go. Sorry, couldn't do it this 1 day.

    Now, we can not have any of the children left with Zach, at all unless an adult is present. Zachary has decided that when the girls are home, with me or husband, he's going to stay in his room. That's not fair at all. He doesn't want to have anything happen, he doesn't' want to go back into hospital nor does he want to have to leave the house.

    I just hope all of these "professionals" plan on paying my bills every month, or get me someone for all this time that they are saying he has to be with someone. I had to have my twins leave the house tonite, and spend the night at a friends house, because both husband and I have to work, and there is no school for him tomorrow. Still trying to figure out this Friday, and next Tuesday, the "professionals" better have some ideas, 'cause I'm completely out.

    Does anyone have any ideas? Can't hire a babysitter, 'cause yeah, they are all younger then difficult child and can't afford one. Can't afford missing work, or we will have no food, you all know how it goes.

    Sorry so long!
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    Oh my gosh. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I really don't have any bright ideas but I will think about it and if I come up with something I'll post again. I just wanted to extend heartfelt words of support to what you're going through. It is SO not fair. I can't believe the system we have in place and how ill-prepared our society is for supporting itself.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I wish I had some really wonderful advice. But this is exactly the reason I didn't work.

    It may not be right, but when my girls would treat Travis the way the twins are Zach, the punishment would be pretty darn severe. Home is supposed to be your safe haven. Being easy child's they should know better. No, it didn't stop the meaness completely (and that's what it is). But it kept it at bay most of the time.

    Hopefully Timerlady will see this post. She's got loads of experience with respite care and such.

  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So sorry about all of this stress.......yikes!

    Not knowing your situation really well, the only thing that comes to my mind is maybe dropping Zac off at the library for the time you have to work? Would he be OK in that environment solo? Or a Starbucks? Someplace where he could read, or write, or possibly be on a laptop?. Not sure, just an idea. Or could you or husband could take him to work with you? Any possibility there?

    I'll be hoping some magic answer comes to you. Hang in there.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    in my opinion you got poor advice. I wouldn't leave a schizo-affective, bipolar adult alone, let alone a teenager and I'd be darn mad at the twins for agitating him. I don't blame you, I blame those who told you "they have to stay alone some time." Some people can't stay alone even as grown ups and your child sounds like he's not stable enough for that. I think respite is your best bet too. I wish I could help--I have no answers, but I"m mad that you were told to leave them alone, then in trouble because you listened to their advice.